012: What Happened to Our Relationship Connection?

Featuring: Liz and Dave

What Happened to Our Connection?

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In this Episode

People are more important than problems. In this week’s episode, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz dive into the deep end of the relationship pool. Using the metaphor of a swimming pool, they discuss the importance of maintenance and consistently adding cups of connection. They share 8 D’s of Disconnection - how to become more aware of these threats to couple connection and how to tackle them with intentionality.  

See full episode transcript

0:00 – Introduction  

1:15 – Today we will talk about things that can often disconnect us as couples  

2:53 – We aren’t perfect and are still working on this 

4:15 – What Dave would share with teens 

5:30 – Relationship pool of connection – swimming pool metaphor  

6:30 – Cups of connection  

7:45 – All pools need maintenance  

8:36 – Keep the intentionality in your connection  

11:27 – The 8 D’s of Disconnection  

11:54 – 1. Drifting  

13:24 – 2. Darts and daggers  

15:48 – 3. Disruptions  

17:58 – 4. Distance – emotional and physical  

20:14 – 5. Destructive decisions – decisions without discussion  

22:49 – 6. Disagreement and defensiveness – think about the patterns  

25:42 – 7. Daily hassles – the messiness of life 

27:00 – Hit delete - people over problems  

27:13 – 8. Last D – digital distractions  

31:20 – Takeaways  

Insights and Invites


Dave: Remember to be more intentional, think about those things you need to work on and be mindfully aware. Don’t go automatic, be aware of the things that are taking away from your connection. 

 Liz: Put people over your problems, remember what is important.  


  • Talk with your partner about your current relationship pool, what needs maintenance? How can you add more cups of connection? 
  • Go over each “D of Disconnection” and discuss where you need work and make note of the places you are doing well.  
  • Be mindful in the things you are doing as a couple, stay intentional and remember to put people over the problem.  

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