012: What Happened to Our Connection?
Dave Schramm
Have you ever wondered what happened to our relationship connection? In this week's episode, we dive into the deep end of the relationship pool. First, Liz and I discuss a metaphor of a swimming pool and how important it is to constantly add cups of connection to keep couples feeling close. Then we talk about eight D's that lead to disconnection. These are common things from disagreements to destructive decisions that most couples experience from time to time. The key is becoming more aware of them and intentionally doing and saying things that will keep your relationship pool full of connection. We hope you enjoy the show.
Dave Schramm
Hey, welcome friends to another episode of the Stronger Marriage Connection podcast. I'm Dr. Dave here at USU alongside Dr. Liz Hale, clinical psychologist, and we are bringing you the best resources, the best research; the tips and tools to help you have the marriage of your dreams. All right now today, Dr. Liz and I were going to discuss some common things that happen in marriage that cause couples to drift apart here the Stronger Marriage Connection, we often talk about things that can connect us today we're going to talk about some things that can often disconnect us and hopefully throw in a few things that can strengthen that connection. I want to set some things up right from the start by saying that most of what we're going to be talking about today is completely normal that all couples will experience these things that cause disconnection, whether it's subconsciously or consciously. The key is to be more aware of them, and then counter them with more connections. So, we hope this discussion, right Liz, doesn't cause this shame and this guilt and like, Oh man, that's me. I need to work better on this. We hope it raises a bit of awareness, and maybe some things that we can do a little bit better, that we can tweak and pay more attention to the connection and strengthen our relationships. So Liz, what do you think about this topic today?
Liz Hale
In marriage and marriage therapy? Dave, I do a fair amount of normalizing. Because for whatever reason, we all feel like nobody else struggles the way we do, or the way I do. It's interesting how much energy I spend like, oh, yeah, completely normal. Oh, I've been there. Let me tell you my story. I do a fair amount of self disclosing because that really meant a lot to me when I was doing my training, 30 plus years ago, I had a supervisor who was always sharing stories about himself. I learned to do that in the session as well. Maybe it's it's a little TMI, but I try to be appropriate. But I'm hoping that it's very helpful for people to realize you are not alone. This is not just your issue. We can all relate to it.
Dave Schramm
Yeah, yeah, I think that's a great idea. Liz, and I'll try to do that again today as well share a little bit more about hey, we're not perfect at this. This is Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz and we're still working on some of these.
Liz Hale
I'm a work in progress. First, I've got to ask you, Dave, you give a healthy number of presentations every year? What number are you at now, professionally speaking.
Dave Schramm
You know, I mean, I sure love doing this. I love sharing tips and all kinds of principles and practices on stages. It's over 500. I've lost track I've done about 45 so far this year, so I really love sharing good information with people.
Liz Hale
Who's been your most difficult audience. What age group or what profession?
Dave Schramm
You know, hands down, I've traveled all across the country and give these presentations on marriage and positivity and parenting. The most difficult audience is it's got to be the teenagers. It's the high schools, the middle school assemblies and the high schools. They're just, you have to do a lot of entertaining as well as educating. That group can be pretty brutal. Yeah, sometimes as far as just staring at you and then not much response. That one is a tough one.
Liz Hale
I love kids. I love teenagers. They're great, but it together, they can be pretty intimidating for an adult. I give you a ton of credit. I really do. I bet they love you. I bet they love for you. What might you drop? What might you just on the side note, share with teens? What might some of those discussion topics be? With middle school and high school?
Dave Schramm
Yeah, that's a good question. A lot of right now has to do with with mental health as we can see this big surge in mental health kind of crisis. So talking about suicide prevention and mental health and reaching out and saying something when you see something so those types of messages tend to resonate well.
Liz Hale
I think that's great. Speaking of normalizing, I wish Dave I wish we had a better message of normalizing anxiety and depression. We talked about it we talked about getting help. I love that see something, say something? It's all very good. But, we don't talk enough about you know what this is so normal? I feel this way too sometimes. I've been there. I can relate. Sometimes you think, ah, is this really worth it? You know, am I really? Is this all there is in life? I so get it. I just, I wish there was more of that discussion. Right? Completely normal and I guess the good news is it doesn't last. There are better days.
Dave Schramm
There are. Yes. Yeah, and getting help. I think the whole part of that and reaching out. Not trying to think, Oh, if I can just plow through it, or if I just smile more? No, no, there are wonderful resources out there that can help people through their struggles.
Liz Hale
I love how you start today segment out by the metaphor of a swimming pool. Right? The relationship pool of connection, we have a pool, by the way, not that I ever really wanted one, the house came with it. It has has been nothing but a ton of hard work. I don't even do the hard work. I just want Ben doing all the hard work. Sometimes that darn pool has to be drained, replastered, retiled. But, on the other hand, I gotta tell you, Dave it has brought a lot of great memories with our families and friends through the years. So you've piqued my interest on the relationship pool of connection, say more.
Dave Schramm
Yeah, I'm interested in your in your take on this. So this, this whole metaphor of this idea of this relationship pool of connection, the idea will kind of set the stage for our discussion is really that when couples first get together, and they feel this connection, they feel like ah, you know, I really, I can relate to this person, I love listening to them their sense of humor, we go out on dates, and that connection starts to form. I think about that, almost like a kiddie pool, right? When you're young, you have this short little kiddie pool and you start dumping this, I call it cups of connection. So you dump a cup of connection, you go out on a date, we go have dinner, we laugh, we have a great time. Then I started feeling closer to you. The more couples do that and engage in these dates and fun things, they're pouring a cup of connection into their pool. So the whole premise is, that the deeper the pool, that means the closer connected that we feel. As we grow in relationships, and go through even ups and downs and hard times even challenges or health crises in our lives, sometimes those will bring us closer and there's a big bucket, maybe it's a five gallon bucket of pools of water that we added to the pool. I don't want to sit up front, right, actually, and not misunderstand that length, length of relationship doesn't necessarily equal depth. Does that make sense? The longer that we're in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean we have this Olympic sized pool. We could be a puddle and been together 50 years. Does that makes sense.
Liz Hale
Yeah, that's right. Oh, very much. So if we never dare go deeper, right in that connection?
Dave Schramm
Yep. Yep, for sure.
Liz Hale
As we stay with this metaphor, this relationship pool of connection, like I've said, like relationships, all pools need maintenance, a lot of things can go wrong. For instance, for pools, they lose water, and I think you cleverly have a metaphor, how pools relationships can lose water.
Dave Schramm
Yeah. Think about really three ways and you will know more, I don't have a pool. So you'll know more about this. Let me know if these are accurate Liz? At least three ways that pools lose water and the relationships kind of lose that, that connections as we stick with that metaphor, and the first one is evaporation. So over time I assimilate. You know, it's a hot summer, let's say and you don't add any water in the pool, not doing anything. There's going to be some, it's slow, but that pool will slowly go down. Is that right? In your own swimming pool?
Liz Hale
Yep, sometimes it's evaporation. Sometimes you have a leak.
Dave Schramm
Yeah.
Liz Hale
You definitely have to keep refilling that pool.
Dave Schramm
Yeah, and that's exactly it with going out on dates and keeping that really intentionality. We're going to work on the relationship. We need to intentionally add cups of connection to stay closer together. I like to call this relation dehydration. You know, for instance, if we're not continuing to do those little things, maybe we're texting maybe we're planning ahead. We have something that we need. We're gonna go out on a vacation or we're doing something fun and enjoyable. If we're not doing those things, then we're going to slowly lose that connection. So that's the first one, it is evaporation. The second way that pools lose water is through splashing, or from dipping. We're dipping it out or splashing it out. I envisioned this cannon ball that we we launch and this is analogous to sometimes mean things that we say or do in our in our relationships, that we don't. feel close again. We'll discuss some of these with these D's. That's the second one, with splashing.
Liz Hale
Cannon ball, cannon ball competition sometimes.
Dave Schramm
Yeah, that's right, and all the water goes yes, but then our pool goes down a little bit after all the craziness that happens. The third way, and you alluded to this one, Liz, is the, I call it, loyalty leaks, or these cracks in our commitment. These can be a little bit more serious. It can be subtle little things like, not spending enough time with each other. Then maybe, I'm starting to flirt with somebody at work, or maybe on social media, or I reached out to something. But those can be a little bit more serious. Often, like in real pools, like you mentioned, we may have to drain the pool and get a professional to come in and maybe we go to a counselor, we get someone that puts that plaster on, that really helps us. Then we can start to add those cups of connection. Maybe we've been burned, maybe there's been an affair or something. We have to build that connection again. Those are the primary three ways that relationships lose that water.
Liz Hale
Bowls are expensive. Marriage and even marriage therapy can be expensive. Let me tell you what's really expensive, is divorce. Right, emotionally expensive, financially expensive, spiritually expensive, it takes a toll. Doesn't mean we should never have divorce. Of course not. That would be unethical of me to say, but could we eliminate it or not eliminate it, but could we diminish it? That would be my goal in life that is my greatest life mission is to diminish divorce.
Dave Schramm
We'll be right back after this brief message.
Dave Schramm
We're back. Let's dive right in.
Liz Hale
So now you've got, speaking of D's, you've got the eight D's of disconnection before we get to divorce there are some warning D's if you will. The first one is D is for drifting. It happens without our awareness. Much like you're saying about how the pool water evaporates, Dave.
Dave Schramm
Yeah, yeah, that's right. Soon, after a call it you know, the newlywed years. We go from this love and this romance, this connection, this passion. But the newness wears off the newlywed years and we go from I love you too, I bug you. I don't know Liz if you've ever felt that way with Ben?
Dave Schramm
It's like okay, we don't see each other the same way and little things start to bug us a little bit. You've heard me say before and I said on our show that lack of attention leads to loss of connection and that leads to affection deprivation. That's what essentially is happening here. Life happens but dates don't. We don't, many of us don't intentionally drift apart, right? We love our partner and we're committed. Life gets kind of crazy and we don't realize it. Just like evaporation in the pool. We don't even really know that we are drifting apart. So we have to pause again this happens to all of us. Wait you know, are we drifting?
Dave Schramm
One time my wife asked in the car. What are we doing for us today? I love that question, because it keeps us from from drifting apart.
Liz Hale
Oh, that's self care that couple care. I really love this and D, D really is for dates, like you say date on the calendar for going out or staying in with a special evening planned. Dates on the calendar even for physical intimacy. Dave, some couples really fight me on that. I tell you if we don't plan for it, if we don't put in the effort to secure time for it. It doesn't happen. I'm a big one for dates. My next one is darts and daggers boy that just says it all, doesn't it?
Dave Schramm
Yeah, you know what? Sometimes it may feel like a dart and sometimes it feels like this dagger. We're all gonna see things we're gonna have rough days. We're going to be stressed out, we're gonna get impatient. We're all gonna say things. We're gonna say things that are hurtful, that are mean. Some times it's a little bit more mean and cutting if you think about that, metaphor.
Dave Schramm
I like to say Liz, that reactions, wreck relationships. This includes things, you're familiar with Gottman, about criticism and contempt and sarcasm and just kind of that sneering or rolling the eyes or, or it could even be like, Oh, why did you stop at this gas station? Or why did you go this way or that way. We kind of sit there and pick each other apart. I call it avoiding parenting your partner. Do you know what I'm talking about Liz?
Liz Hale
I tell you? My husband does not want a parent, right? He wants a partner. He wants a lover not a mother. He's already had a mother. Not every thought needs to be shared. I'm often telling clients and I really tell myself and my husband for instance seems to be taking the long way. When we're trying to go get from point A to point B, I have really learned to use the proverbial duct tape. Not every thought I have is brilliant. Not every thought I have should be shared.
Liz Hale
Really huge problem I hear I hear it every single day. But that proverbial proverbial duct tape is the answer. Yeah. My comment is not always going to come across the way I want it to be, it's often going to come across as criticism. I'll accept that and just allow the driver to drive.
Dave Schramm
Yes, yeah. I think if I summarize this one, you know, darts, and daggers is about really watching the three T's. That's our temper, our tongue, and our tone. The things that we say, how fast we are to just like react and say something kind of mean and cutting. We gotta just be able to pause sometimes. If we just leave one thing left unsaid, per day, that could strengthen the relationship.
Liz Hale
Temper tongue and tone, I love it. You're so good. All right. Number three, D is for disruptions.
Liz Hale
Yeah, we're gonna have all kinds of disruptions in our life. These are things that are often out of our control. These can be things like moving, it can be illness, it could be pregnancy, or even childbirth, in law's, car troubles, this is lack of sleep, or unexpected bills. The key here is, life is going to happen. When it does, it often creates these disruptions in our in our date nights and other connecting moments. Couples, say again, what happened to our relationship connection. Again, very common, most relationships are going to have this but it's simply being aware, okay, there's a little bit of stress here, oh, my partner and they have to work really late or they've got this study their exam, just being aware of of the disruptions in our lives.
Liz Hale
Some of the professionals we've had on, have echoed the same feeling you and I have that we really have to prepare for some distressing, because stress happens, right? We don't want to live without it, because we need a fair amount of stress. It just is. So we've got to make peace with it. So stress management, distressing as a couple is really huge. I think this is why also Dave, deposits, in the emotional bank account are key. It helps provide us with a little bit of reserve, when we are stressed beyond our limits and life gets the best of us. So making those deposits.
Dave Schramm
Yeah, yeah, I love that. Let me add, let me add on to that deposit, because that in my mind those deposits are those cups of connection to that pool. I just thought even while we're talking here, that the depth of our pool, when you throw like a rock into a pool, it's not going to splash as much water out or make a big splash. If we have a really deep pool, then there's going to be some hurtful things maybe once in a while that will come. But if our pool is like a little puddle, and that's the only connection, and we keep throwing rocks into that there's not going to be much left. But if we have a really deep pool that we can say, Hey, I know this person didn't mean that and we have years of connection. I can see past that.
Liz Hale
Giving the benefit of the doubt. Isn't that just like the best gift in the world? Today? It is anyway.
Dave Schramm
Absolutely.
Liz Hale
All right, fourth, D is distance.
Dave Schramm
Yeah, this distance, physical distance, can lead to emotional distance. We know from the research that the occasional distance, you know, like, my wife will go on maybe a girls trip or girls night out and go eat. That can actually strengthen you know, I'll go speak, for example, that distance, you know, what's the saying? That distance makes the heart grow fonder. I will feel this greater love for my wife when I'm out in a hotel in Baton Rouge, right? I'm speaking and I think, ah, man, I love my wife so much. So that's not the distance that I'm talking about, that distance can be really helpful. I'm talking about excessive, you know, travel for work or for school, or long hours study, even hunting trips, or one spouse travels with a child, you know, for their sports events, those kinds of things. So it's when our schedules don't line up well, and this distance starts to cause disconnection. Then the big word here is the resentment. I start to feel a little bit resentful because we don't see each other and we're not adding cups of connection to our pool.
Liz Hale
Yeah, that's so true. You know, when I think of distance, I do think the literal distance for starters, right? Bless the hearts of our military families is dedicated marriages and families where deployments are six and 12 months. I don't know that's part of the expected sacrifice. I'm impressed with the military marriage support that they offer these dedicated couples. I realize the danger of distance is what you talked about is really kind of the decisions we make right? We make decisions day in and day out that will either, bless us, help us, or harm us in our marriages, and we're all responsible for them. I think together as a couple, we have to really decide, who are we and what's worth the sacrifice and what isn't. What is too great of a price to pay. Decide together what's right for you, as a couple, as a family and stayed disciplined, dedicated to that. I think discipline is really key when it comes to marriage.
Dave Schramm
Yeah, another D word. Yeah. I love it.
Liz Hale
Yep. Yep. and then, so fifth, we have destructive decisions. Dave? As you beautifully say, warn us again.
Dave Schramm
Yeah. Number five, destructive decisions. I sometimes call them decisions without discussion. These can include, you know, one sided decisions or purchases, or secretive decisions that could be hidden habits or pornography. It's something that we say, hey, I thought we were going to, we're going to talk a little bit about that. That one, that will kind of hurts because you went behind my back and I'm feeling again resentful.
Liz Hale
I laugh. I laugh because I've heard that I thought we were gonna talk about this. I thought we were, I thought we had an agreement. That we were gonna talk if we bought anything over $100 together. I think you've been in my home.
Dave Schramm
One of those is our dog. I know. Liz. I don't know if you've seen this with clients. But we actually, so Max and Max is sitting down here next to me. Hopefully, he's quiet. He was one of those we talked about. We talked about it. I was away in Chicago.This women was getting rid of a dog. My wife was facetiming me and she said, honey, you know, here's Max. I thought, honey we were gonna talk about this. It all worked out? We still love Max.
Liz Hale
That is so good. It's funny, you should say that. Because yeah, D is for dog. When it comes to marriage therapy, I can't tell you how many times I've heard this very scenario. The couple, the partner rather, you in this particular case was not quite so forgiving. It really makes, it can make a big deal. I didn't want the darn dog. Then off, we are going to the races. Sometimes that creates a foundation for all kinds of resentment and betrayals. A pet, a child, of course, deserves to be wanted by all family members. I would actually say that some of these decisions if we're not on the same page, the answer is no. Right, the no's kind of have it. Take your time to really ferret out those discussions and, I'm all about everybody saying what their preferences are, right, expressing their desire. I think that's lovely. I can have my say, but just not always my way. That's part of agreeing to be in a marriage. Part of agreeing to be a family member. We can speak up, but we just can't always get our way. I'm glad it's worked out for Max. He's landed in a good home.
Dave Schramm
Yeah, It could have gone the other way. Yeah.
Liz Hale
That's right. Sometimes we have to delay those desires. But in this case, I'm so glad it worked out. Yeah. You're next D you're number 6 D is D is for disagreements and defensiveness. I see that a lot.
Dave Schramm
Yeah. Again, common. I don't want people to be walking away like, man, you know, I'm doing all of these. It's going to be common. But think about the patterns. Am I stuck in this defensiveness in these disagreements? This one's it can overlap a little bit with some of the darts and daggers if we let it if we start to disagree. Then we start doing that meanness. So we're going to sometimes do things and we're going to have these disagreements and say and do things that we're going to regret. But we have to remember, I try to remind our children of this every day when they walk out the door. It's people, people are more important than problems. They are like okay, Dad, you told us that. That means they're remembering that. But we're on the same team. We're on the same team.
Dave Schramm
I remember a professor once saying this, he said, you know what conflict only happens, because we care. If you didn't care, there wouldn't be a disagreement or, or this this defensiveness, we have to remember that we both care about something. We have to remember this Dr. John Gottman once said "irritation is an invitation for compassion." So when we get easily irritated, whether it's our spouses, or their driving, their little habits that they do or they love putting away the dishes. Irritation is an invitation for compassion. We're going to have disagreements, but it's how we disagree right, Liz.
Liz Hale
There is no other way. Right? I often say no pain, no gain is not just for diet and exercise. It's for relationships. Putting people over problems. I really love that. You know, defensiveness is one of those four horsemen of the apocalypse. You're right as Dr. John Gottman has has discovered, and I find that pretty much anything you could accuse me of Dave, if I look closely enough, I'll find it. I'll find it, if you were my partner and say why you're a little short. You're right, I am. I can discover where you're speaking truth to me if I really look closely enough, and it's better just to take responsibility and to say, you know, you're right, I've noticed that myself. Thanks for pointing that out. I appreciate you bringing it up. I'm really going to work on it. So be willing to discover. I know how maddening it is to feel like you're being accused of something that you purposely didn't do. It's the perspectacles right of the other party. It's their perspective. It's, we all see life through our own lens. I'm not going to argue with my husband's perspective. That's kind of silly. That's wasted air. Yes, yes. You're working with your partner's perspective.
Dave Schramm
Yeah, I love it's about understanding real even if you don't agree, it's about trying to understand, truly understand their, their perspective and their position or their preference or whatever it is that you're really gridlocked about aim for understanding and then you know, getting our heart right hearts right, and then we can then we can tackle solutions.
Liz Hale
Yeah, I love what you're saying about getting your hearts right. So the seventh D of disconnection is the daily hassles.
Dave Schramm
Yeah. Okay, yeah, this disconnection again, happens to all of us, we get, you know, busy. All this tends to happen. It just adds to the messiness of life and life is going to be unpredictable. Other times, life is predictable, Liz and that is the problem. I pick up this child at this time, and go into sports or this practice. I need an egg because I'm making these cookies, because I'm volunteering for PT is just this busyness and busyness can be good. But if your spouse just gets the leftovers at the end of the day, then perhaps we need to kind of rethink and come back and say, okay, my spouse is getting the leftovers and what can I do to not be so busy? Then I'm so tired at night, and then it's like, oh, you know, goodnight. Oh, yeah, here's your kiss. Goodnight and then I'm gone. Yeah, we got to get a little bit better that.
Liz Hale
Yeah, well said, I think we were talking about, you know, we have all these promises we made right. We made a promise to bake cookies for the piano recital, and things just felt overwhelming. I just wish and hope that we can hit delete a little bit more often. What can I get off my list? Right? What can be replaced? Where can I hit the delete? What is just not all that important? Again, as you say, putting people over problems.
Liz Hale
Then lastly, the last D for these disconnects is the digital distractions. This is huge in our day and age.
Dave Schramm
Yeah, this D has really crept up, you know, in the last, you know, decade or two with these digital distractions, and we've had Brandon McDaniel on before to he was amazing and talked about techno ference and, and phubbing and those types of things. But it really is, digital distractions, can create, again, more resentment, it can create some frustration, some stress, sometimes it will be just silent, right? It kind of silently, I'm a little bit irritated. I wish they'd get off their phone or quit bringing it to bed or checking it, you know, for an hour in the morning. But then overtime that can create this resentment, which then leads to, you know, not adding the cups of connection into the pool not feeling as close. For my own research Liz, I found that 55% say that their partner is on their phone too much and 45% say technology is a big problem in their marriage. So whether it's video games, it's texting, it's having phones at the table, which I'm not a big fan of, you know, kick him, get them out of the beds and get them out of tables. Those are places for connection. So digital distractions can be horrible.
Liz Hale
Yeah, I love leaving my phone behind. Ben doesn't like me too, because when we go somewhere like well, we'll separate a little bit right like at Costco or Sam's Club or in the mall. He likes to be able to reach me, but I still love to leave my phone behind. I don't know if you've seen these two fathers who created a device recently. It's called arrow ARO, and it's a box. It's a box for their phone. There's like four slots for phones. The box not only charges your phone but it keeps track of how long your phone is in the box. So it's a little bit of a game you can play for yourself, putting it away. It's kind of clever. Some of the ads are you know, one of the daughters has a party and all of her friends come over and they're all putting their phones in the boxes if they go upstairs and they paint nails and talk and be silly and have great food. It's kind of like it should be right, so really clever to see if that takes off. Would you ever be interested in a device like that called the arrow or any kind of way I'm just open for devising any kind of plan that limits that social media and gets us to our faces and not our phones.
Dave Schramm
I love, I love that our faces not our phones. We do need to kind of get back to more of that face to face connection. So anything that they can kind of intentionally purposely whether it's a box or putting things down or at nighttime, we keep phones here, or plugged in, again if we just kinda of drift we won't even think about it because it becomes a habit. Whether it is teenagers that come in the door. Put your phones here because we want more interaction and connection.
Liz Hale
Beautiful.
Liz Hale
It's all about relationships
Dave Schramm
It is, we discussed all kinds of these Ds of disconnection, today that happen in our relationship, maybe in a future episode. Liz, it will talk more about concrete ideas, just a ton of ideas to strengthen the connection, because these are common ways that we disconnect that we lose water from our relationship pool. But I think having an episode just dedicated to the cups of connection and giving couples, okay, this is how we are disconnected. But man, give us more ideas of how to stay connected. So maybe we'll tackle that in a in a future episode.
Liz Hale
I appreciate that. And I really did want to thank you for the eight days of drifting darts and daggers and disruptions, distance, destructive decisions, disagreements, defensiveness, the daily's and the digital distraction. Those are all great reminders. Dr. Dave.
Dave Schramm
Yeah, what do you think, Liz, as far as a takeaway, we do these takeaways of the day, anything that stands out or anything that you hope that listeners will will remember?
Liz Hale
I'm certainly going to take away putting people over problems. I think that's such a great term that you teach your kids as they walk out the door every morning.
Dave Schramm
Yeah, yeah, it is. Yeah, let's remember kids, help people and their like Dad I know, people are more important than problems. That's when I know that, that it resonates and they've remembered that.
Liz Hale
Sinking in, good for you. What about you? What's your takeaway?
Dave Schramm
Yeah, you know, I think as I think back on some of these, I think, if there's anything and maybe not be one of these eight Ds, but I hope that listeners will go back through and maybe there's one or two that says, you know, I need to maybe work on a little bit, I need to be more intentional, instead of automatic, whether that's, you know, no scroll till noon, or whether they have something they're going to intentionally do to stay connected, and then be mindfully aware. Like, oh, man, we're in this silly disagreement, or I guess I shouldn't parent, my partner. I know that that's not bringing us closer. And so really, my takeaway of the day is think about your own relationship and then pause, kind of hit pause for a minute and reflect and don't go automatic, but be mindfully aware of the little things that you're doing, perhaps, that are taking away from that connection. And then mindfully aware, apply some some little things that will bring you closer.
Liz Hale
Beautiful, it's just been so fun. I can just see you up there giving a presentation on this. Thank you for bringing it today to Stronger Marriage Connection.
Dave Schramm
Yes. Well, thanks, Liz, and thanks to our listeners, we're so grateful to have you on here listening to Stronger Marriage Connection. We hope the tips and the tools these resources and the research are helpful for you in your relationship, and it will ultimately help you have a stronger marriage connection. So that's all for now, my friends. We hope you'll join us next time on the stronger marriage connection podcast.
Dave Schramm
Thanks for joining us today. Hey, do us a favor and take a few minutes to subscribe to our podcasts and the Utah Marriage Commission YouTube channel where you can watch this and every episode of the show. When you hit the like button and leave a comment, your feedback helps us improve the show. Don't forget to share this episode with a friend. You can also follow and connect with us on Instagram, at strongermarriagelife and on Facebook at strongermarriage. Be sure to share with us what topics you want us to explore or what you loved about today's episode. If you want even more resources to improve your relationship connection, visit our website at strongermarriage.org where you'll find free workshops, webinars, relationship surveys and more. Each episode of Stronger Marriage Connection is hosted and sponsored by the Utah Marriage Commission at Utah State University. Finally, a big thanks to our producers Rex Polanis, Kierston Wilson and the team at Utah State University and you our audience, you make this show possible.
Liz Hale
See you next time.