The Vital Role of A Good, Strong Friendship in a Healthy Marriage
Marriage is often described as the ultimate partnership, a relationship built on love, trust, and commitment. This has certainly been true for me and my marriage in the first few months! Beneath the layers of romance and shared responsibilities lies a foundational element that is often overlooked: friendship. While passion and attraction may initially bring couples together, it is the friendship between partners that sustains a marriage over time. Friendship in marriage acts as a cornerstone, fostering intimacy, emotional resilience, and long-term satisfaction. Couples who prioritize their friendship are more likely to weather challenges together and enjoy a relationship rooted in mutual respect and understanding.
Before getting engaged and before dating my wife, we were friends for around three months. Then, romantic feelings developed and we both knew we wanted our friendship to evolve into a committed relationship. Fast-forward to 2023 from 2019 and we had dated for three-and-a-half-years. We were engaged in early summer of 2023 and then married in late spring of 2024! So much of this was possible because we became really good friends over our months before dating and our years of dating.
Before marriage, friendship can lay a solid groundwork for a strong partnership. Starting as friends allows individuals to truly understand one another without the immediate pressures of romance. This was certainly true of my relationship! This dynamic offers a unique perspective into each other's personalities, values, and goals, helping to build trust and compatibility. So, for this blog, I will explore the multi-layered role of friendship in a healthy marriage, emphasizing how it strengthens long-term commitment and intimacy. Additionally, I will discuss why starting a relationship as friends can be one of the best decisions a couple makes.
1. Friendship Enhances Emotional Intimacy
Friendship nurtures emotional intimacy, the foundation of a healthy marriage. When partners feel safe and understood, they can share their deepest thoughts and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment. A strong friendship fosters open communication, allowing couples to connect on a deeper level. This emotional closeness creates a safe haven where both partners feel valued and supported. Before I met my wife, I had certain friends who I’d confide in and I felt so comfortable divulging personal information. Over time, that person eventually changed to my girlfriend and now, my wife. That type of emotional intimacy is hard to find anywhere!
In marriages where friendship is prioritized, couples are more likely to approach challenges with empathy and patience. They understand each other's emotional triggers and provide the necessary reassurance, which strengthens the bond between them. My wife can read me and i can read my wife. Now, that doesn’t mean we always know what’s going on with the other, or that we always talk about what’s going on, but we do know how to be there for the other person. It’s the emotional intimacy derived from friendship that ensures that love is not only felt but also expressed in meaningful ways.
2. Building a Strong Foundation Through Friendship Before Marriage
Starting as friends before entering a romantic relationship offers a unique advantage. Friendship provides a window into a person's authentic self, free from the masks that people often wear during the initial stages of dating. By observing how a friend interacts with others, handles stress, and pursues their goals, individuals gain insight into whether their values and lifestyles align. Think of the friends that you have. Who do you know really well? Who are your best friends? How often do you talk about deep subjects or hard subjects?
Friendship before marriage also allows for the development of mutual respect and admiration. When couples transition from friends to romantic partners, they bring with them a foundation of trust and shared experiences. This history can help sustain the relationship through the inevitable ups and downs of married life. Now, how long does it take to build trust with each other? The answer depends on the relationship, but a year gives you good insight into how your significant other behaves. Two years reinforces what you learned in the first year!
3.Friendship Promotes Playfulness and Fun
A healthy marriage thrives on moments of joy and laughter, and friendship is a natural source of playfulness. Couples who are friends enjoy spending time together, engaging in shared hobbies, and finding humor in everyday life. These lighthearted moments help to relieve stress and strengthen the connection between partners. My wife is my best friend now and I wouldn’t have it any other way! Being able to laugh with someone about silly things is a great indication of how good a partner they might be for you!
Playfulness also keeps the relationship feeling fresh and exciting, even after years of marriage. By embracing the spontaneity and fun that friendship brings, couples can maintain a sense of youthful enthusiasm in their relationship. This dynamic can counterbalance the mundane routines that often accompany long-term partnerships. My parents are a good testament to this. Sometimes, I see the teenagers in their happiness and excitement, such as when we go to cut down our Christmas tree or head to the beach on a day with fantastic waves. Keeping that childish spirit alive helps to keep your friendship strong and your marriage burning boldly!
4. Friendship Encourages Healthy Communication
Effective communication is a hallmark of strong marriages, and friendship naturally fosters this skill. Friends tend to communicate openly and honestly, without the fear of damaging the relationship. This ease of communication translates well into marriage, where open dialogue is essential for resolving conflicts and expressing needs. Communicating is one of the most important aspects of marriage and while it may never be quite mastered, it should be a strong point in your relationship. Being able to communicate with my wife has helped our marriage be strong in the early months. Additionally, my parents have always had open communication with each other and that’s a testament to their commitment to marriage and each other!
When couples view each other as friends, they are more likely to listen actively and seek to understand rather than win an argument. This approach minimizes misunderstandings and builds a culture of mutual respect. Healthy communication rooted in friendship ensures that both partners feel heard and valued.
5. Friendship Builds Resilience During Difficult Times
Every marriage faces challenges, whether they come in the form of financial struggles, health issues, or parenting stresses. A strong friendship equips couples with the resilience needed to navigate these difficulties together. Friends are there for each other, offering encouragement and practical support during tough times. I couldn’t imagine abandoning my closest friends before our marriage and my wife and I certainly can’t imagine not being there for each other now that we are married. The closeness you build once you’re married is inseparable. Going through these hard times often makes a marriage friendship stronger!
In marriages built on friendship, couples are more likely to approach problems as a team rather than as adversaries. They lean on their shared history and mutual trust to overcome obstacles, emerging stronger and more connected. This resilience is a key factor in the longevity of a healthy marriage. I know this has been especially helpful in my marriage already!
6. Friendship Fosters Mutual Growth and Support
One of the most rewarding aspects of friendship in marriage is the opportunity to grow together. Friends celebrate each other's successes and provide a steady hand during setbacks. In marriage, this dynamic translates to a partnership where both individuals feel empowered to pursue their goals and dreams. My wife and I have personal and professional goals and we have been cheerleaders for each other as friends; we’re definitely a whole cheerleading squad as a married couple!
By encouraging each other’s personal growth, couples create a relationship that evolves over time. Friendship ensures that partners remain each other’s biggest cheerleaders, fostering a sense of fulfillment and purpose within the marriage. The support you receive from your spouse is unmatched; this is a person who has decided to commit to you for life and has no other motives, such as a parent who provided for you. Your spouse is there to see you succeed and to support you along your journey!
7. Friendship Provides a Sense of Security
At its core, friendship is about being there for one another. This unwavering presence creates a sense of security that is vital in marriage. Knowing that your partner is also your best friend fosters a deep sense of trust and stability. Because my wife and I were brief friends before we started dating and had a long relationship for our early twenties, we knew we had that sense of security long before we entered into our marital vows. That security is something I hold near and dear to me.
This security allows couples to be themselves without fear of rejection or judgment. It creates an environment where both partners feel comfortable expressing their true selves, leading to a more authentic and fulfilling relationship.
8. Friendship Helps Sustain Love Over Time
Some people say romantic love can ebb and flow; I respectfully disagree with this statement. I think that romantic love can change over time but the love at the core of a friendship will nearly never leave. The type of love born out of friendship is enduring as long as both people put in the work. Friendship provides a steady, unshakable foundation that supports a marriage through various stages of life. Your romantic love might change over the years from physical to emotional love (and perhaps back and forth), but the deep connection forged through friendship remains constant.
Couples who prioritize their friendship often report higher levels of satisfaction and happiness in their marriages. This enduring bond ensures that love is not just a fleeting emotion but a lifelong commitment. My friendship with my wife is far more than romantic love; I do things with her that I never would have dreamed of doing with my wife and instead saved for college friends. Now that we’re married, she’s taken on the role of being my best friend and my wife.
Friendship is not just a bonus in marriage; it is a necessity. It enhances emotional intimacy, fosters healthy communication, and provides the resilience needed to navigate life’s challenges. By building a relationship on the foundation of friendship, couples create a partnership that is both strong and joyful.
For those considering marriage, starting as friends can be one of the best decisions you make. It offers a chance to truly understand your partner and build a foundation of trust and respect. Now, do you have to date as long as my wife and I dated? Perhaps! Perhaps not. In the end, it’s all about getting to know the other person you’re wanting to marry. Over time, you’ll get to know someone better just because you’ve spent more time with that person! In short, don’t rush into marriage; prioritize getting to know your love interest and see where it goes from there. In the end, a healthy marriage is not just about finding a romantic partner; it’s about finding a lifelong best friend.
Related Resources
How to Overcome the Fear of Commitment and Build a Healthy Relationship
What Men Need in a Relationship: 10 Essential Elements for a Strong and Fulfilling Relationship
What Women Need in a Relationship: 10 Essential Elements for a Strong and Fulfilling Relationship
How to Build Love in a Relationship: 7 Key Strategies for Lasting Connection
Justin Fague reviewed this article. To reach out, please email healthyrelationships@usu.edu.