How to Build Love in a Relationship: 7 Key Strategies for Lasting Connection
Love is often thought of as a magical feeling that sweeps over us, but sustaining love in a relationship takes conscious effort. As time passes, the initial spark of infatuation may fade and that’s where the true challenge comes into play. True love grows deeper through commitment, intentional actions, and shared experiences. Building love in a relationship is about nurturing an emotional bond, cultivating trust, and continuously showing appreciation for one another. If you’re looking to build a loving relationship that can span decades of marriage or looking for a new love in your life, there are practical ways to foster love and connection that can sustain your relationship for the long haul. In this blog, I will explore key strategies to build and strengthen love in your relationship. Finding love is one thing; keep it alive and stoking the flame is entirely different!
Prioritize Communication
Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. Love grows when both people feel heard, understood, and valued. If I didn’t talk with my wife daily about household chores, who’s getting groceries, who’s making dinner, or who’s doing laundry, we’d be in complete disarray! It’s taken us years to get to the level of competency we’re at today, and we’re still working on communication. This open and honest dialogue allows us to experience emotional intimacy, which is the key to maintaining a strong connection over time. Here are some essential aspects of communication to focus on:
- Listen Actively: When your partner speaks, give them your full attention. I try not to interrupt my wife, and make an effort to understand her perspective. Active listening fosters empathy, which deepens your emotional connection. If it helps, use a household object as a “talking stick” and whoever is holding the talking stick gets to speak! Then, trade off when you’re done speaking so the other person can talk.
- Express Feelings, Not Just Thoughts: Many couples fall into the trap of discussing logistics or surface-level issues but avoid sharing their deeper emotions. Vulnerability allows your partner to connect with you on a more intimate level. Share how you feel about your experiences, your partner, and your relationship. Opening up can be hard for some people but it’s a necessary door to open if you want to build love!
- Practice Non-Judgmental Responses: Creating a safe space where both partners can share openly without fear of criticism or judgment is essential. Respond to your partner's concerns with empathy and support, which helps build trust.
Build Trust Together
Trust is the bedrock of love. Without it, relationships can quickly become fragile and unstable. Building trust involves being reliable, consistent, and honest with one another and it takes a few years to get good at it and even longer to master. Don’t rush your relationship; in fact, a 2015 study out of New York University showed the honeymoon phase of a relationship lasts 30 months! Some may experience a shorter honeymoon phase, but dating someone for a full year allows you to experience that person through all seasons. Dating someone for two years helps you get to know that person on a deeper level – and if they’ll help you clean the snow off your car in the second year! Here are ways to cultivate and maintain trust in your relationship:
- Be Transparent: Honesty is vital for trust. Share openly about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Avoid secrets, even small ones, as they can create distance over time.
- Follow Through on Commitments: Reliability reinforces trust. If you say you're going to do something, follow through. Keeping promises, no matter how small, shows that your partner can depend on you. As Andrew Garfield’s Spiderman said; “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” Ensure you can carry out your word!
- Own Up to Mistakes: If something goes wrong or if you’ve made a mistake, be willing to admit it. Apologizing sincerely and taking responsibility helps to repair trust quickly and saves quite the headache when your significant other finds out your mistake before you tell them!
Trust isn't built overnight but rather through consistent, trustworthy behavior. It’s a critical foundation for love to grow – and another reason why dating longer helps build trust.
Make Time for Each Other
In our busy lives, it’s easy for couples to neglect spending quality time together. However, love grows when partners invest time and energy in their relationship. One thing my wife and I have been doing since the early years of our dating life is monthly dinner dates. Each month, we’d pick out a place we wanted to go and write it into our schedule. This is something we have continued in our marriage! Being intentional with her and spending time together helps us to create lasting memories and shared experiences that deepen our bond. Some of our best memories of our relationship has happened from those monthly date nights!
- Plan Regular Date Nights: It doesn’t have to be elaborate, but carving out time for each other on a regular basis is essential. If you’re new to this, try out the monthly dinner date! These date nights provide opportunities for connection and rekindling romance. Another “date night” we do together is movie nights. Watching a movie together is a little more formal than just watching a TV show together. We'll often make popcorn and get some sort of candy to eat!
- Engage in Activities Together: Whether it’s cooking dinner, taking a walk, or starting a new hobby, doing things together strengthens your bond. One of our favorite activities is driving in our nearby canyon and spending time down at the river. Shared activities promote teamwork and create fun memories.
- Disconnect from Technology: With the constant distraction of phones and social media, it’s easy to be physically present but emotionally absent. Dedicate specific time where you both disconnect from technology and focus on each other. For my wife and I, it’s when we go to bed. We’re still working on it, but we try to send our last messages and use our phones outside of our bedroom before setting alarms and going to bed. We have books in our nightstands that we’ll read together or independently, or wind down by talking to each other!
Show Appreciation Regularly
Expressing gratitude and appreciation keeps love alive and thriving. It’s easy to take each other for granted over time, but showing appreciation for your partner, even in small ways, reinforces their value in your life. I know my wife appreciates it when I empty out the dishwasher, fold all of our laundry, and make our bed every morning. I appreciate when she vacuums our floors, bakes us homemade sourdough bread, and mops our kitchen floor!
- Say “Thank You”: Don’t assume your partner knows you appreciate them—express it! Whether they’ve done something big or small, acknowledging their effort shows you notice and value them. For me, whenever my wife bakes sourdough, I probably thank her in excess of 20 times that day. She’s excellent!
- Compliment Your Partner: Everyone loves to be appreciated for who they are and what they do. Compliment your partner regularly on their appearance, efforts, or qualities. These small acts of validation keep the connection strong.
- Perform Acts of Kindness: Little gestures, like making your partner’s favorite meal, offering a back rub, or leaving a sweet note, can go a long way in showing love and care. We like to leave notes to each other whenever we can!
Resolve Conflicts in a Healthy Way
Every relationship will encounter disagreements or conflicts. What matters most is how couples handle those conflicts. Learning to manage disagreements constructively rather than destructively is essential for maintaining love. As you might imagine, I've had my fair share of conflicts in a relationship dating back to 2019 and my wife and I have made it through since then. This doesn’t mean all those conflicts were handled gracefully and in fact, some of them definitely weren’t. We've learned to listen before jumping to conclusions, lower our voice, and not bring up past issues.
- Stay Calm and Respectful: During a disagreement, it’s easy to let emotions take control, but staying calm allows for more productive communication. Avoid yelling, name-calling, or bringing up past issues.
- Focus on the Issue at Hand: It’s tempting to bring up old grievances during arguments, but doing so only adds fuel to the fire. Stick to the current issue, and work together to find a solution.
- Take a Break if Needed: If things get too heated, it’s okay to take a break and revisit the conversation when both partners are calm. Cooling off can prevent unnecessary escalation and allow for a more constructive dialogue.
Resolving conflict healthily strengthens the relationship and helps both partners feel safe, valued, and respected.
Keep the Romance Alive
Romance doesn’t have to fade over time. Keeping love alive often involves being creative and intentional about infusing romance into your daily life. It doesn’t have to be grand gestures—small, thoughtful acts can make a big difference. That being said, grand gestures for special occasions like birthdays or an anniversary are wonderful acts of kindness. Since getting married, my wife and I have baked cakes for each other for birthdays and gone on a trip for each of our birthdays. These are our examples of grand gestures and it allows us to have some much needed time to disconnect from our busy, daily lives and just focus on each other.
- Surprise Each Other: Spontaneous surprises, whether it’s a small gift or planning an unexpected date, can reignite excitement and make your partner feel special. The other day, I hung up some photos and artwork and my wife loved it!
- Show Physical Affection: Physical touch, such as hugging, holding hands, or cuddling, promotes intimacy and connection. It's always good to make an effort to show physical affection regularly. My wife and I always greet each other at the door when we come home. It's actually something both of us look forward to at the end of our work days!
- Celebrate Milestones Together: Celebrate your relationship milestones, such as anniversaries or special moments. Acknowledging these moments brings a sense of accomplishment and reminds you both of the journey you’ve shared. This is where grander gestures come into play! Planning trips together to allow both of you to get away is something that definitely shouldn’t be overlooked!
Grow Together as Individuals and as a Couple
A healthy relationship is built on mutual growth. Both partners should be committed to personal growth while also nurturing the growth of the relationship. This balance helps ensure both individuals remain fulfilled while fostering a loving partnership.
One of the ways my wife has grown individually is in her sourdough endeavors. She decided she wanted to bake all of our bread once we got married and we haven’t bought bread for about 10 months! I’ve helper her grow in this hobby by getting her a sourdough proofing set and cookbook. I’ve had houseplants for the last several years and recently expanded into gardening! I got new pots and plants and this summer featured our first cherry tomatoes! Even though these are our individual passions, we both encourage the other and help the other grow in our hobbies. I think this is what makes us want to keep pursuing our goals!
- Encourage Each Other’s Goals: Support your partner’s dreams and ambitions. Whether it’s advancing their career, taking up a new hobby, or pursuing a passion, showing encouragement builds love. She cheers me on and I cheer her on!
- Keep Learning About Each Other: As you grow as individuals, remember that your partner is evolving too. Stay curious about each other’s interests, thoughts, and feelings. Regularly check in to ensure you’re still aligned and connected. My wife loves when I ask her about sourdough – she loves answering my questions!
- Seek Growth Opportunities Together: Consider taking a class together, traveling, or working toward shared goals. Growing together strengthens your bond and keeps your relationship dynamic and exciting. We keep talking about owning a house and having a large garden together. We also want to mill our own flour so our sourdough can be fresher!
Building love in a relationship is an ongoing process that requires effort, dedication, and a willingness to prioritize your connection. It’s about more than just romance—it’s about cultivating trust, effective communication, appreciation, and mutual growth. By implementing these strategies, you can create a strong foundation of love that will continue to grow and flourish over time. A loving relationship isn’t something that just happens; it’s something you build together, day by day. So, take the time to nurture your love, and you’ll see it deepen in ways that bring joy, fulfillment, and lasting connection to both of your lives.
Related Resources
Cultivating Spiritual Intimacy in Your Romantic Relationship: 5 Ways to Create Deeper Connection
Cultivating Trust: 8 Essential Components for Relationship Success
Nurturing Love: 10 Key Habits for a Thriving Relationship
Developing Understanding and Compassion in Romantic Relationships
Strengthening Dating Commitment
Justin Fague reviewed this article. To reach out, please email healthyrelationships@usu.edu.