How Do I Talk to My Kids About Drugs and Substance Use?
Quick Answer
Talk to your kids about drugs and substance use early, using honest, calm conversations that match their age. Build a strong relationship by listening, asking questions, and helping your child feel safe bringing up hard topics. Do not wait until you think your child is using drugs or vaping to start talking, and make sure they know your family's rules and that you will support them if they need help.
At What Age Should I Start Talking to My Kids About Drugs?
You can start talking to your kids about drugs and substance use before they become teenagers. These talks do not need to be long or serious. Simple conversations can help children learn about risks and feel safe asking questions.
Young children may already hear about vaping, smoking, or drugs at school, online, or from friends. Ask what they have heard and answer their questions in ways they can understand.
As children get older, you can share more details about how substances affect their bodies and brains. The brain continues to grow and develop into early adulthood, so avoiding substance use during the teen years is especially important.
You might ask:
- "Have you heard anyone at school talking about vaping?"
- "What do you know about drugs?"
- "Have you seen anyone vaping?"
- "Is there anything you've heard that you have questions about?"
The goal is to make talking about substance use a normal part of your relationship, rather than having just one serious conversation.
For conversation starters and more help, visit the Be Epic, Escape the Vape Parent Trifold information.
How Do I Build a Relationship Where My Child Will Come to Me About Hard Topics?
Build trust by spending time with your child, showing interest in what they enjoy, and listening without judging them. Children are more likely to feel safe sharing hard things when they are used to having open conversations with you. You do not need to spend every minute entertaining your child. Even five or 15 minutes of your full attention can help build a strong relationship.
Try these habits:
- Give your full attention. Put your phone away when spending time together.
- Show interest in their hobbies. Play their favorite game, ask about their sports, or learn about something they enjoy.
- Let them lead sometimes. Allow your child to choose an activity or topic.
- Ask open-ended questions. Instead of asking only how school was, ask about the best and hardest parts of their day.
- Listen without judging. Make it clear that your child can ask questions without getting in trouble just for asking.
- Remind them that you love them. Let your child know your love does not change when they make mistakes.
Car rides can be a good time for these conversations. Talking while sitting side by side may feel less stressful than sitting face-to-face for a serious discussion. You can also try asking about the "rose and thorn" of their day. The rose is something good that happened, and the thorn is something difficult. Small conversations about everyday life help prepare children for bigger conversations about drugs, friends, relationships, and other hard topics.
What Is the Best Way to Bring Up Drugs or Vaping With a Teenager?
The best way to talk to your teenager about drugs or vaping is to stay calm, ask questions, and explain your expectations. Avoid lectures, threats, or trying to scare them. Start by finding out what your teen already knows. You could ask what they have seen at school, what their friends think about vaping, and if they have questions.
Then use three simple steps:
- What: Explain your family's rules about drugs, alcohol, and vaping. Be clear that you do not want your teen using these substances.
- Why: Explain why substance use can harm their health, including how nicotine can affect a developing brain.
- How: Talk about what your teen can do if someone offers them a vape, alcohol, or drugs. Help them practice ways to say "no" or to leave the situation.
For example, you might say, "I know vaping is something people your age may see at school. What have you heard about it?" Listen to their answer before sharing your concerns. It is also okay to admit when you do not know something. You can tell your teen that you will find the answer together.
For more help, see Vaping and Youth: How Parents Can Be Involved.
Why Do Experts Say “Substance Use” Instead of “Substance Abuse” or “Addiction”?
Experts often use the term "substance use" because it is a more neutral way to talk about alcohol, drugs, nicotine, and other substances. Words like "substance abuse" or "addict" can carry shame or make people feel judged. This is called stigma. Stigma can make it harder for someone to talk about their struggles or ask for help.
Substance use does not always mean a person has a substance use disorder. A substance use disorder is a health condition in which a person has trouble controlling their use of alcohol or other drugs, even when it is clinically impairing or causes harm. You can still use the word "drugs" when talking with your children. The goal is to use clear, respectful language that helps them feel comfortable asking questions.
To learn more about the importance of stigma-free language, see Substance Use Disorder Stigma: What it is and How You Can Prevent it and Reducing Stigma Towards Opioid Use Disorder Treatment.
How Do I Talk to My Child About Drugs if I Used Substances in the Past?
If you have used drugs, alcohol, or nicotine in the past, you can still have honest conversations with your child about substance use. Your experiences may help you explain why avoiding these substances matters. You do not need to share every detail of your past. Instead, focus on what you learned and how substance use affected your life.
For example, you might explain:
- Why you made certain choices when you were younger and why you would have made different choices.
- How substance use affected your health or relationships.
- Why you stopped using a substance, if you have.
- What you wish you had known when you were their age.
Avoid telling frightening or detailed stories that may not be right for your child's age. You can also explain that some substances, such as alcohol, are legal for adults but are not safe or legal for children to use. Be honest without making substance use sound exciting or harmless. Keep the focus on helping your child make healthy choices.
What Are the Warning Signs of Substance Use in Teens?
Changes in your teen's mood, sleep, behavior, or interests may be warning signs of substance use. Parents often notice these changes because they know their child's habits.
Some signs to watch for include:
- Changes in sleep: Sleeping much more or less than usual.
- Mood changes: Becoming more upset, angry, or easily annoyed.
- Changes in schoolwork: Falling asleep in class or struggling with grades.
- Loss of interest: No longer enjoying sports, hobbies, or other favorite activities.
- Changes in friends: Spending time with a different group of friends or changing social habits.
- Physical changes: Sweating, feeling restless, or becoming very irritable when not using a substance.
These changes do not always mean your child is using substances. They can happen for other reasons, too, including symptoms of anxiety or depression. If you notice changes, start a calm conversation. Ask how your teen is feeling and whether anything has been bothering them. It also helps to know your child's friends, where they spend time, and who they are with. Stay involved while showing that you trust and care about them.
For more and to find resources, see Substance Use Disorders and Youth: How Parents and Communities can be Involved.
What Do Fentanyl Pills Look Like?
Fentanyl does not have one specific look. It can be found in fake prescription pills that look like real medicine, and some pills may be made in bright colors that look like candy. Fake pills may be made to look like prescription medications, including certain pain medicines or drugs used to treat attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). The danger is that a person may think they are taking a real prescription pill without knowing it contains fentanyl. The amount of fentanyl can also differ among pills.
Teach your children these safety rules:
- Never take a prescription pill that belongs to someone else.
- Never take pills bought from an unknown or untrusted source.
- Do not assume a pill is safe because it looks like real medicine.
- Tell a trusted adult if someone offers you an unknown pill.
What should I do if someone may be overdosing on fentanyl?
If someone appears to be having an opioid overdose, call 911 right away. Administer naloxone (Narcan) if available. Stay with the person until emergency help arrives. Naloxone can wear off before the opioids do, so emergency medical care is still needed.
Warning signs of an opioid overdose include:
- Slow or shallow breathing.
- Blue or purple lips or fingernails.
- Very small pupils.
- Gurgling or choking sounds.
- Being unable to wake the person.
Learn more in the Fact Sheet: Fentanyl and Naloxone: A Lifesaving Tool Against Opioid Overdose.
What Should I Do if I Catch My Teenager Vaping or Using Substances?
If you catch your teenager vaping or using drugs, try to stay calm before responding. Getting angry or focusing only on punishment can make it harder to have an honest conversation. It is normal to feel upset or scared. If you are too angry to talk calmly, tell your teen that you need a few minutes and will come back to discuss what happened.
Once you are ready, follow these steps:
- Ask what happened. Find out what your teen used, how they started, and where they got it.
- Listen to their answers. Give your teen a chance to explain without interruption or judgment.
- Explain your concerns. Talk about the health risks and why you do not approve of substance use.
- Review your family's rules. Remind your teen of the rules you have set and explain any reasonable consequences.
- Offer help. If your teen is having trouble stopping, help them find support.
Consequences can still be part of parenting. They should be clear, fair, and connected to the behavior. The goal is to help your child make better choices, not to shame them.
Nicotine can also cause physical dependence, meaning the body becomes used to having it. This can make quitting vaping difficult. If your teen needs help quitting, explore the resources on the Be Epic, Escape the Vape Parent Resources page. If your teen continues using substances or is struggling to stop, consider seeking professional support.
What Is the Biggest Mistake Parents Make When Talking About Drugs?
One of the biggest mistakes parents make is avoiding conversations about drugs because they think their children are too young or have not been exposed to substance use. Children and teens may see drugs, alcohol, or vaping in movies, on social media, at school, or among friends. Avoiding the topic does not mean they will avoid hearing about it.
Another common mistake is focusing only on punishment when a child admits to using substances. While clear rules and consequences matter, children also need to know they can turn to their parents for help.
You can avoid these mistakes by:
- Starting conversations before a problem arises.
- Asking questions instead of giving long lectures.
- Listening to your child's thoughts and concerns.
- Setting clear rules about substance use.
- Responding with care when your child makes a mistake.
- Making sure your child knows they can always come to you for help.
The goal is not to have one perfect conversation. It is to build a relationship where your child feels safe talking to you, even when the topic is difficult. For more guidance, explore the free Talking to Teens About Drugs and Substance Use Parent Quick Lesson.
References
- USU Extension — Understanding the teen brain and building strong relationships: A foundation for supporting healthy decisions
- USU Extension — Vaping and youth: How parents can be involved
- USU Extension — Parent online resources
- USU Extension — Talking to teens about drugs and substance use
- USU Extension — How to help when living with loved ones with a substance use disorder
- USU Extension — Fact sheet: Fentanyl
- USU Extension — Naloxone: A lifesaving tool against opioid overdose
- USU Extension — Substance Use Disorders and Youth: How Parents and Communities can be Involved
- USU Extension — Substance Use Disorder Stigma: What it is and How You Can Prevent it
- USU Extension — Reducing Stigma Towards Opioid Use Disorder Treatment
- USU Extension — Be Epic, Escape the Vape Parent Trifold
Adapted from USU Extension relationship and HEART resources.
Contact
Ashley Yaugher, Professional Practice Extension Associate Professor
Ashley Yaugher
Professional Practice Extension Associate Professor | Health and Wellness | HEART Initiative | Carbon & Emery Counties
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