Clarifying Values: Turning in to Your Internal Compass

 farmer standing in field

Have you ever been working hard under a blazing sun and then suddenly you pause, look up, and start wondering what all this effort is for, and whether it is really worth it? Your feeling of motivation decreases and soon you are just killing time, knowing you should do something but just not feeling like getting anything done. If so, you are not alone—many people worldwide have felt the same way (Harris, 2011). While a lack of purpose and sense of meaninglessness can be symptoms of mental health concerns, they are also common, run-of-the-mill experiences for almost everyone at times (Hayes, 2019). One reason for this is that as humans we easily get caught up in repetitive cycles of pursuing the next goal, task, or project while losing touch with why it matters to us in the first place. When we lose touch with why things matter to us, motivation decreases and we become less able to do the work necessary to accomplish challenging things, like building a happy relationship or running a successful production. 

Understanding Values

One way to jumpstart motivation and effective action is by understanding our values. Values are qualities or characteristics that we want to bring into our actions every day; they help us become who we are most proud to be (Harris, 2019). Values are freely chosen and unique to each person, like music preference; my values are not better than yours, or vice versa, they are just different. When we value something, we find it inherently meaningful or worthwhile. Your values might include being honest, being fair/just, contributing, or caring/self-caring (just so long as YOU freely choose them rather than being what someone told you that you should do).  
Just like a compass guides you while navigating difficult, unfamiliar terrain, values act as a life compass to help you 1) navigate the challenges of life and 2) get your bearings and adjust your actions or direction as needed. 

Role of Values

Values can guide us as we experience the challenges of life. By tuning into our values in difficult circumstances, we can determine what we want to stand for and intentionally gear in to being that person. This offers a powerful alternative to getting wrapped up in unhelpful thoughts, trying to avoid or control difficult feelings, or waiting until we feel motivated to do something before we act. The actions come first, and the feelings come later (Harris, 2011). For example, an agricultural producer struggling with the stress of their production might find that they do not treat their seasonal workers the way they want to. By tuning in to their values around caring, contribution, and respect, they can know what changes they need to make to respond differently, even if their work circumstances do not change.  

The second function of values is to help us get our bearings and adjust course as needed. As we go through life, putting time and energy into this task or that relationship, it is useful to take a step back and examine the alignment of our time and energy with the things we care most about. Like a light in the distance guides a hiker through a dark wood, our values can help us re-adjust and make changes that will lead to increased vitality. These values-guided changes are much more likely to lead to positive outcomes than changes we make because we are buying in to unhelpful thoughts or because we are trying to control or avoid difficult feelings.  

Clarifying Values

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy focuses on helping people clarify their values (Hayes, 2019; Plumb et al., 2009). When people are living more in line with their values, they report better outcomes, including less depression and anxiety and greater pain tolerance and meaning in life (Bramwell & Richardson, 2018; Fauth et al., 2021; Rahal & Gon, 2020). Here are a few ideas to help you get started in clarifying your own values. Take some time the next time you’re feeling unmotivated, disconnected, or stressed to connect to your values and try to experience what it is like to have your compass guide you:  

  1. Try picking values from a list. Sometimes it can be helpful to get some ideas of what potential values are by choosing them from a list. Try this one, from Russ Harris’ ACT Made Simple (2019). Pick 2-3 values that resonate most with you. How can you align your actions with these values in your relationships or in your work?  
  2. Ten years from now… Imagine that in 10 years, having effectively resolved your present challenge, you were to look back on this experience (Harris, 2009). How would you most like to be able to describe how you acted? How would you most like someone you care about to describe who you are, how you treated them, and what you stand for? Take a moment and write down these qualities on paper or in your phone and try to revisit them at the start of each day. If you can, try to bring them to your attention when you might not know the next best action.  
  3. Flip pain into purpose (Hayes, 2019). Your values and pain are like two sides of a coin; as Steve Hayes says, “you hurt where you care, and you care where you hurt” (Hayes, 2019, pg. 24). When we get curious, we are able to learn more about this pain and how it might actually uncover something that is deeply meaningful to us. Start this activity by identifying some of the areas in life where you are dissatisfied with the way things are. Ask yourself this question: what does my dissatisfaction in this area tell me about what is most important to me? If I just stopped caring in this area, what would I have to give up that is important to me? The answers to this question highlight your values.  

Conclusion

Our values are like tools in a workshop; depending on the situation, some may be more important or useful, while at a later time or in a different situation others may be. By tuning in regularly to our values, we can adjust course and pivot our time and energy towards the people and things we care most about. We can engage fully even in uncomfortable experiences because they help us to move towards the person, partner, and producer we want to be.

References

  • Bramwell, K., & Richardson, T. (2018). Improvements in depression and mental health after acceptance and commitment therapy are related to changes in defusion and values-based action. Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy, 48(1), 9–14. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10879-017-9367-6 
  • Fauth, E. B., Novak, J. R., & Levin, M. E. (2021). Outcomes from a pilot online Acceptance and Commitment Therapy program for dementia family caregivers. Aging & Mental Health, 0(0), 1–10. https://doi.org/10.1080/13607863.2021.1942432 
  • Harris, R. (2009). ACT with love: Stop struggling, reconcile differences, and strengthen your relationship with acceptance and commitment therapy.  New Harbinger. 
  • Harris, R. (2011). The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt. Trumpeter Books. 
  • Harris, R. (2019). ACT made simple: an easy-to-read primer on acceptance and commitment therapy (2nd ed.). New Harbinger Publications. 
  • Hayes, S. (2019). A liberated mind: How to pivot toward what matters. Avery. 
  • Plumb, J. C., Stewart, I., Dahl, J., & Lundgren, T. (2009). In search of meaning: Values in modern clinical behavior analysis. The Behavior Analyst, 32(1), 85–103. 
  • Rahal, G. M., & Gon, M. C. C. (2020). A systematic review of values interventions in acceptance and commitment therapy. International Journal of Psychology, 20(3), 355-372. [no doi available] 

 

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