The Great Paradox: Understanding Counterintuitive Relationship Patterns and Emotions - Clarissa Mace
Clarissa Mace discusses emotional and relational paradoxes that impact marriages. Clarissa, a marriage and family therapist, emphasizes how paradoxical behaviors can hinder communication and conflict resolution in relationships. She explores concepts such as the pursuer-withdraw dynamic, defensiveness, and self-soothing techniques to foster resilience and emotional growth. Participants gain practical tools for breaking unhealthy patterns and building stronger, more connected relationships. Perfect for couples, individuals, and therapists alike.
Time Markers
00:00 - 00:00:31 – Introduction by Alexis Alcott, Utah Marriage Commission Program Coordinator, introducing Clarissa Mace as the featured speaker.
00:00:31 - 00:01:02 – Clarissa’s background: marriage and family therapist, private practice owner, and her commitment to breaking generational patterns.
00:01:02 - 00:01:30 – Clarissa’s journey from her upbringing as the youngest of ten to her career in therapy, driven by a passion for helping others.
00:01:30 - 00:02:08 – Overview of the webinar, including how understanding counterintuitive behaviors and emotions can help navigate conflict more productively.
00:02:08 - 00:02:55 – Logistics on how to ask questions via the Q&A function and earn CE credit by staying through the end of the webinar.
00:02:55 - 00:03:22 – Clarissa shares more about her career, therapy approach, and personal life, including her love for her pets and passion for emotional and relational dynamics.
00:03:22 - 00:05:03 – Clarissa’s professional background, including her podcast It Takes Two, where she discusses therapy through the lens of pop culture.
00:05:03 - 00:06:02 – Explanation of today’s topic: The Great Paradox – how paradoxical emotional processes affect relationships.
00:06:02 - 00:07:23 – Interactive poll about difficult emotions (frustration, loneliness, anger) leading to personal growth.
00:07:23 - 00:10:35 – Explanation of paradoxes: seemingly illogical statements or behaviors that are actually true, using examples from emotional experiences and visual paradoxes.
00:10:35 - 00:13:43 – Discussion of the first paradox: Trying to fix emotional problems quickly often makes things worse. Instead, acknowledging emotions leads to healing.
00:13:43 - 00:16:08 – Embracing negative emotions allows for emotional resilience and growth, referencing research on emotional healing.
00:16:08 - 00:17:33 – Poll on common situations where trying to fix problems makes them worse, including conflict escalation and invalidation.
00:17:33 - 00:18:16 – Clarissa shares insights from the movie Stutz about how ideal life still includes pain, uncertainty, and work—another paradox.
00:18:16 - 00:21:06 – Panic disorder and anxiety paradox: Avoiding panic attacks increases their likelihood, while acceptance leads to more control.
00:21:06 - 00:26:09 – Grief paradox: Healing requires fully embracing the pain of loss, while maintaining connections with those we’ve lost can facilitate healing.
00:26:09 - 00:28:15 – Binaries in emotional paradoxes: how contradictory emotions like grief and healing can coexist and the importance of embracing complexity.
00:28:15 - 00:31:31 – Introduction to self-soothing techniques for regulating emotions through mindfulness and sensory engagement.
00:31:31 - 00:33:15 – Poll on techniques like breathing exercises and cuddling pets as self-soothing strategies.
00:33:15 - 00:37:20 – Explanation of the pursuer-withdraw dynamic: the paradox where one partner seeks closeness while the other seeks space, leading to a self-defeating cycle.
00:37:20 - 00:40:13 – Discussion of defensiveness in relationships: defensiveness pushes partners apart rather than resolving conflicts, and how validation fosters emotional safety.
00:40:13 - 00:43:21 – Importance of validation as a tool for building understanding and disarming defensiveness in conflict resolution.
00:43:21 - 00:45:11 – Participant recommendations for managing defensiveness, including de-escalation and conflict resolution strategies.
00:45:11 - 00:48:56 – Recap of key points: navigating emotional paradoxes, fostering resilience, and breaking unhealthy relationship patterns like defensiveness and the pursuer-withdraw dynamic.
00:48:56 - 00:49:22 – Clarissa invites participants to connect with her on social media and reach out for presentations or further discussions.
00:49:22 - 01:00:00 – Q&A session covering topics like advice-giving in relationships, breaking the criticism paradox, and challenges Clarissa faced in her career as a therapist.
About Clarissa Mace:
Clarissa has been a marriage and family therapist for 6 years. She currently owns a private practice that serves Utah County, Ut residents. She graduated with her master’s at age 23 and has been dedicated to her therapist career since. She’s supervisor trained, pursuing her AASECT certification, and applying to PhD’s all while expanding into group practice in 2024.
Clarissa’s drive comes from breaking generational patterns of poverty, and the patterns that came from growing up as the youngest of 10 children to a fully single mom. Life rarely has rules and she’s definitely going to push the way you view reality.
In the therapy room, she’s empathetic, unbiased, direct, personable and easy to laugh.
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