Stepfamilies: Playing on Expert Level - Kiersten Wilson
Whether you are in a stepfamily or know someone who is, learn why stepfamily living is like “playing on expert level,” and gain vital tools for nurturing marriage, navigating coparenting and stepfamily relationships, and embracing the beauty of each family’s uniqueness with stepfamily researcher and mentor Kiersten Wilson.
Time Markers
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Kiersten Wilson
3:17 – Traditional vs Non-traditional families
5:05 – “Playing on expert level:” Andrew learns the power of empathy
7:31 – Avoiding “insiders” and “outsiders” in stepfamilies
9:57 – Turning towards each other: developing empathy
11:00 – Tips for blending a family
12:27 – Tip #1: Prioritize time with your spouse
13:54 – Tip #2: Make time for your kids and stepkids
15:36 – The importance of biological parents spending one-on-one time with their biological kids.
18:00 – Striving for equity with stepchildren
19:25 – Tip #3: Take time for you
21:28 – Establishing nonnegotiable self-care practices
22:00 – Tip #4: Give time TIME
24:35 – Tools for the Stepparent
24:47 – Tool #1: Affinity seeking
27:30 – Three types off affinity seekers: Early Affinity seekers, continuous seekers, non-affinity seekers.
30:05 – Developing emotional bonds in blended families
31:37 – The three takeaways for stepfamilies
32:13 – Commitment and Connection
34:33 – Protect the Bedroom
36:40 – Love well… protect well
37:49 – Master your story
41:05 – Some quick marriage tips
42:48 – Focus on building your marriage, not bashing
43:40 – Surrender to serenity
44:22 – Never give up on your marriage and family
45:56 – Resources for stepfamilies
48:00 – Don’t keep secrets from your spouse
50:20 – Consistently showing up for your children that are pulling away from you
53:58 – The importance of consistently working on your relationship with your partner and children
57:30 – Leaving the door open for estranged biological children
59:03 – Navigating the ex-spouse relationship
1:00:00 – Parent-child bonds in stepfamilies: Making the adjustment less stressful for your children
1:06:00 – Focusing on the now with your spouse and children versus the past
About Kiersten Wilson:
Kiersten has a background in child and family advocacy, community outreach and engagement, non-profit program development, and mentoring. Her formal and informal education in family dynamics, specifically pertaining to blended families, motivates her efforts on behalf of children and families. Kiersten and her husband, Chris, have a blended family of 10 children and 18 (and counting) grandchildren and have been enjoying the remarried life for 15 years.
Insights:
Never close the door on relational growth, whether it be with your spouse, children, stepchildren or former spouses. Focus on communication and connection with all parties. Utilize the blending family tools of 1. Prioritizing time with your spouse 2. Making time for your children and stepchildren 3. Taking time for you and lastly 4. Giving time TIME. By developing these tools, stepfamilies can diminish the strain of loss and disconnection with each other and build a family based in the principles of patience, empathy and endurance.
Invites:
- What was that one thing that resonated with you at the beginning of the lecture? Make a plan of attack to accomplish this goal, do one thing this week to accomplish this goal.
- Schedule a time this month to take each of your children and stepchildren out to an activity you will both enjoy.
- Sit with your spouse and determine how you will prioritize each other each day, week, and month. Make distinct plans, set aside time for dates, learn their love language, and continue connecting.
- Have a conversation about your nonnegotiable self-care practices with your partner. Be patient with what your partner needs and set clear boundaries on what these nonnegotiable practices will look like day to day.
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife