The Role of Attachment in Serious Dating Relationships
In this Stronger Marriage webinar, Dr. Ryan Seedall, a licensed marriage and family therapist and professor at Utah State University, explores the role of attachment in serious dating relationships and explains how our earliest experiences with connection can influence the way we approach intimacy, trust, conflict, and emotional security.
Time Markers
00:00 – Welcome by Nyah Phelps and introduction of Dr. Ryan Seedall
01:34 – Dr. Seedall introduces attachment theory and its relevance to dating relationships
02:21 – Dr. Seedall's background in marriage and family therapy and relationship research
03:18 – Overview of attachment theory and its applications to romantic relationships
03:41 – The Still-Face Experiment: Understanding our need for emotional connection
05:14 – How infants respond when emotional connection is interrupted
06:05 – Why human beings are wired for connection
06:33 – Attachment theory: How early relationships shape our view of ourselves and others
07:02 – Two fundamental attachment questions: Am I lovable, and will you be there for me?
07:32 – Attachment as a secure base for comfort and exploration
08:27 – How early ideas about parenting differed from attachment research
09:27 – The contributions of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth
09:58 – Understanding the attachment continuum: Deactivation, security, and hyperactivation
11:04 – Secure and insecure attachment strategies for managing emotional distress
12:05 – Attachment anxiety and hyperactivation: Fear of abandonment and relationship insecurity
13:09 – Behavioral patterns associated with anxious attachment
14:28 – Attachment avoidance and deactivation: Discomfort with closeness and vulnerability
15:44 – Recognizing emotional withdrawal, defensiveness, and difficulty expressing needs
16:42 – Research showing that emotional distress can exist even when it is not outwardly expressed
17:35 – Disorganized attachment and its relationship to trauma, grief, and loss
19:10 – How experiences of powerlessness may contribute to controlling relationship behaviors
20:32 – Why attachment is fundamentally about signaling needs and responding to others
21:52 – The importance of clear emotional signals and appropriately timed support
22:23 – The Strange Situation experiment: Observing attachment patterns in children
23:32 – Video examples of secure attachment and clear emotional signaling
25:22 – How children communicate their need for comfort and reassurance
25:53 – Video examples of avoidant and anxious attachment behaviors
28:05 – Understanding unclear emotional signals and their effect on connection
28:30 – Applying emotional signaling and responsiveness to adult dating relationships
29:06 – What secure attachment looks like in serious dating relationships
29:44 – Why secure attachment does not guarantee a problem-free relationship
30:20 – Recognizing consistency between a dating partner's words and actions
31:28 – How securely attached partners express needs, take responsibility, and repair conflict
32:35 – Potential warning signs of insecure attachment in dating relationships
33:36 – Understanding high-intensity and low-intensity relationship patterns
35:08 – When anxious and avoidant attachment tendencies interact in a relationship
36:06 – How different attachment patterns can influence expressions of commitment
36:34 – Practical strategies for strengthening attachment security
36:56 – Helping avoidantly attached partners develop emotional awareness and recognize their needs
37:22 – Supporting anxiously attached partners through reassurance, consistency, and availability
38:19 – Emotional regulation, self-soothing, and addressing trauma-related attachment challenges
38:56 – Developing self-awareness and recognizing emotional triggers from past experiences
39:57 – Why expressing emotional needs positively can improve relationship responsiveness
40:32 – Becoming more attentive and attuned to a partner's emotional needs
41:04 – Avoiding automatic reactions that reinforce withdrawal or emotional escalation
42:53 – Recommended resources for understanding attachment theory
43:48 – Audience Q&A begins
44:18 – Q&A: Can insecure childhood attachment patterns become more secure in adulthood?
45:34 – How attachment behaviors and relationship-specific security can change
46:06 – Q&A: How love languages relate to attachment and emotional connection
47:09 – Q&A: Addressing passive-aggressive communication and frequent reassurance-seeking in dating
48:36 – Learning to express emotional needs more clearly and confidently
49:00 – Q&A: Understanding inconsistent or “hot and cold” behavior in dating relationships
49:52 – Why consistency, predictability, and mutual effort matter when building trust
50:35 – Q&A: Attachment and maintaining connection in long-distance relationships
51:36 – Preserving meaningful communication habits when long-distance couples reunite
52:58 – Final audience questions and webinar reminders
53:18 – Dr. Seedall's closing encouragement for building healthy relationships
53:37 – Closing remarks and appreciation for participants
About Dr. Ryan Seedall
Dr. Ryan Seedall is a licensed marriage and family therapist, researcher, educator, and professor at Utah State University. At the time of this webinar, he served as the program director for Utah State University's Marriage and Family Therapy program.
Originally from Rupert, Idaho, Dr. Seedall grew up on a farm producing wheat, sugar beets, potatoes, and beans. His interest in understanding people and relationships led him from an initial focus on engineering to psychology and ultimately to marriage and family therapy.
He earned his PhD from Michigan State University in 2011 and joined Utah State University in 2012. He has more than 20 years of experience practicing marriage and family therapy.
Dr. Seedall's research is grounded in the belief that human relationships are fundamental to growth and development. His scholarly work focuses on understanding how people interact, how relationship patterns develop, and how relationships change over time.
His research interests include attachment theory, couple conflict, social support, relationship interventions, grief, and power dynamics. He is particularly interested in the processes through which partners communicate emotional needs and respond to one another.
In addition to his academic research and teaching, Dr. Seedall enjoys working therapeutically with individuals, couples, and families facing a variety of relationship challenges.
He and his wife, Ruth, live in Hyde Park, Utah, and have four children.
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