Relationship Ambivalence: Understanding the Real Cost and Finding a Cure
Relationship ambivalence - or being "one foot in and one foot out" of a romantic relationship is exhausting and leads to poor health outcomes for both partners, regardless of which partner feels ambivalent. We'll dive into the research on the impact of ambivalence and how a partner or a couple can cure their ambivalence by getting clarity about where their relationship is strong and high functioning and where it could use some help. Emphasis is placed on where and how individuals have control or influence and where they may not.
Time Markers
00:00 – Welcome by Ryan Gordon and introduction of Dr. Meredith Thompson
00:25 – Dr. Thompson's background in organizational behavior, workplace relationships, and work-family research
01:22 – Introduction to the webinar: Understanding relationship ambivalence and finding a cure
01:52 – What is relationship ambivalence? Understanding mixed feelings and feeling stuck
02:51 – How Dr. Thompson's research on workplace well-being connects to personal relationships
03:41 – Dr. Thompson shares her personal experience with relationship ambivalence
04:10 – Recognizing the impact of an unhealthy relationship on children and family dynamics
05:01 – Returning to dating and discovering Utah Marriage Commission resources
05:53 – Lessons from the “How to Avoid Falling for a Jerk” dating course
06:39 – Why slowing down the dating process can support better relationship decisions
07:01 – Supporting domestic abuse survivors and helping individuals recognize unhealthy relationships
07:42 – How common is relationship ambivalence, and why does it matter?
08:15 – The emotional and physical health costs of relationship uncertainty
09:16 – Introducing the Clarity Matrix: Moving from ambivalence to confidence
09:56 – Why the brain seeks certainty and resolution in relationships
11:21 – The risks of relying on unverified relationship advice and online opinions
12:10 – Why relationship quizzes and quick solutions can create a false sense of clarity
13:02 – Using artificial intelligence for relationship advice: Potential limitations and risks
14:11 – Confirmation bias, self-diagnosis, and the dangers of oversimplifying relationship problems
15:15 – How avoiding difficult relationship questions can reinforce uncertainty
15:52 – Why relationship clarity cannot simply be outsourced to other people or technology
16:23 – The limitations of relying exclusively on friends and family for relationship decisions
17:16 – Taking action instead of waiting for a partner or circumstances to change
17:43 – Self-care, healthy boundaries, and personal accountability when seeking clarity
18:53 – Understanding emotional safety, stress responses, and intentional decision-making
19:45 – Making relationship research accessible and useful in everyday life
20:32 – The Clarity Matrix explained: Control, influence, and relationship impact
21:59 – Quadrant 1: Know Your Dealbreakers
22:37 – Recognizing harmful behaviors, including dishonesty, addiction, control, and abuse
23:03 – Identifying, establishing, and enforcing healthy relationship boundaries
23:25 – Quadrant 2: Identify Your Needs and Expectations
23:58 – The importance of intimacy, emotional connection, and companionship
25:01 – Emotional safety and why one partner cannot meet every personal need
25:30 – Communicating relationship expectations and understanding a partner's needs
26:01 – Quadrant 3: Claim Your Freedom
26:28 – Letting go of the past and recognizing the sunk-cost trap
27:18 – When hope becomes wishful thinking instead of a pathway to change
28:42 – Being authentic and remaining true to personal needs and values
29:04 – Moving beyond guilt and shame to make healthier decisions
30:09 – Quadrant 4: Grow Your Peace
30:45 – Rebuilding self-trust through small, intentional decisions
31:07 – Why taking action builds confidence while inaction can increase anxiety
31:36 – Creating a supportive “power circle” of trusted relationships
32:36 – Understanding your personal motivation for seeking relationship clarity
33:03 – Tracking progress and celebrating personal wins
34:35 – Resources from Partner Lab for navigating relationship ambivalence
35:19 – Audience Q&A begins
35:37 – Q&A: How can you support a friend who frequently complains about their relationship?
36:30 – Using thoughtful questions instead of judgment when helping others
37:19 – Recognizing when someone may be in an unsafe or abusive relationship
38:20 – Understanding the limitations of repeated venting and encouraging constructive action
39:35 – Q&A: How do you identify personal relationship dealbreakers?
40:25 – How long should you wait for a partner to demonstrate meaningful change?
41:32 – Q&A: Breaking the cycle of extreme highs and lows in marriage
41:54 – Distinguishing between external life stressors and harmful relationship patterns
43:46 – Q&A: Advice for young adults dating with marriage in mind
44:34 – Creating a written list of desired qualities and values in a future spouse
45:39 – Q&A: Can both partners benefit from the Clarity Matrix?
46:11 – Introducing Partner Lab's Clarity Circle, Clarity Toolkit, and guided assessments
47:05 – Communicating relationship needs in ways that promote emotional safety
48:05 – Being clear about personal needs while remaining flexible about how they are met
48:30 – How one partner's ambivalence can affect the other partner's well-being
49:11 – Audience discussion: Distinguishing relationship ambivalence from relationship OCD
50:14 – Q&A: Practical ways to develop self-trust and listen to intuition
51:04 – Using a self-trust journal to reflect on decisions and personal growth
52:01 – Paying attention to physical and emotional signals when evaluating relationships
53:32 – Closing reflections and appreciation for Dr. Thompson's research and personal insights
54:12 – Webinar feedback survey and continuing education certificate information
55:02 – Announcement of the next Stronger Marriage webinar
55:25 – How to connect with Dr. Thompson and Partner Lab
55:53 – Final thanks and closing remarks
About Dr. Meredith Thompson
Dr. Meredith Thompson is a professor in the Management Department of the Jon M. Huntsman School of Business at Utah State University. Her research focuses on organizational behavior, employee well-being, workplace relationships, and the interaction between professional and family life.
Dr. Thompson earned her PhD in Organization Studies from Vanderbilt University. Her research has been published in leading academic journals, including the Journal of Applied Psychology and the Journal of Organizational Behavior.
Her scholarly work examines how workplace experiences influence individuals and their families, with particular attention to abusive supervision, workplace incivility, toxic organizational environments, employee health, and the costs associated with unhealthy workplace dynamics.
At Utah State University, Dr. Thompson teaches negotiation courses for undergraduate students and students pursuing master's degrees in human resources.
In addition to her academic work, Dr. Thompson is passionate about helping individuals recognize and navigate relationship ambivalence. Drawing from both research and personal experience, she has developed tools designed to help people evaluate relationship dynamics, identify their needs, establish healthy boundaries, and make more informed decisions.
Her Clarity Matrix provides a structured approach to understanding the relationship between personal control, harmful behaviors, unmet needs, and opportunities for positive change.
Through her work with Partner Lab, Dr. Thompson seeks to make relationship research more accessible and practical, helping individuals move from uncertainty and emotional exhaustion toward clarity, confidence, and healthier relationships.
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources:
Stronger Marriage
Website: https://extension.usu.edu/strongermarriage/
Podcast: https://extension.usu.edu/strongermarriage/podcast/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/