004: The Key to a Happy Marriage
Featuring Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale
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In this Episode
Join us as Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz discuss that the foundation for true connection is within ourselves. We will be talking about four guiding principles that will help you develop a meaningful marriage. Come to discover your strengths, learn how to turn towards your spouse, gain a vision for the marriage of your dreams, and see the value of fierce loyalty.
0:00 –A happy “we” starts with a happy me: Four principles for happy healthy relationships.
1:17 – What does it mean to start whole in marriage?
3:10 – What is the best way to have a good marriage?
3:58 -- What is the difference between roots and fruits in thriving relationships?
5:05 -- Foundations of friendship.
5:48 – The Roots: The power of humility, compassion, & positivity.
7:11 – Principle 1: Searching Inward
8:20 – How do I discover my character strengths?
9:38 – What are Dr. Dave’s, Dr. Liz’s, & Rex’s top three Via Character Strengths?
12:50 – What do I do once I discover my Via Strengths?
13:35 – Building upon your partner’s strengths.
14:30 – Principle 2: Turn Outward.
15:50 – A word of caution.
16:39 – How do I turn outward towards my partner?
17:30 – See something - say something.
18:24 – Emotional attunement.
19:10 – Principle 3: Look Upward
20:33 – How do I maintain vision?
21:49 – Principle 4: Press Forward.
22:33 – Learning to forgive quickly.
22:45 – Dr. Dave: Learning to stick it out.
24:02 – Fierce commitment.
25:00 – The 20% that drives you crazy.
26:20 – Getting our hearts right: How are you perceiving each other?
27:05 – Let’s Review: Turn Outward!
27:40 – How could my partner possibly love me?
28:20 – Let’s Review: Look Upward!
28:37 – Grow as you go.
29:02 – Let’s Review: Press Forward!
29:21 – Love fluctuates, commitment should never waiver.
30:48 – Nothing is ever wasted.
31:13 – Takeaways & Wrap up.
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Insights and Invites
Dave: There are both fruits and roots in rock-solid relationships. The key to happy healthy relationships is becoming a happier healthier person. Notice the nudges and follow the feelings.
Liz: What’s necessary to change a person is to change their awareness of self. Look at your strengths and understand how you can use those strengths to deepen your relationships. Take small steps forward.
- Search Inward: Take the VIA Survey of Character Strengths. Share your results with your spouse or partner. Encourage them to take the survey!
- Turn Outward: Think about one way you could make your spouse’s day. Do it! (Notice the nudge and follow your feelings.)
- Look Upward: Create a vision for yourself by listing qualities that you hope to have as a spouse. Pick one trait and plan how you will practice that quality in your marriage this week.
- Press Forward: Recommit to fierce loyalty in your marriage. Today, write down 10 reasons you still love your spouse. Give this list to your spouse.