202: "Solemates" Make Stronger Marriages

Podcast Guest: Greg and Erin Smalley

November 9th, 2026

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In this Episode

In this episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale welcome nationally recognized marriage experts Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley, authors of Reconnected: Moving from Roommates to Soulmates. Together, they explore how couples can move beyond simply managing everyday life and rediscover the friendship, intimacy, and connection that brought them together.

Greg and Erin share lessons from their own marriage, including how they nearly allowed busyness, unresolved conflict, and what they call "gentle neglect" to turn them into married roommates. They explain how small, everyday choices can either create distance or bring couples closer together. From recognizing the "little foxes" that quietly weaken relationships to creating sacred moments of connection, they offer practical ways to keep love alive through every season of marriage. With humor, personal stories, and helpful relationship advice, Greg and Erin remind us that strong marriages don't happen on autopilot. They grow when couples intentionally choose to reconnect, repair, and continue pursuing one another.

“The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.”

Chapters

00:00 – Protecting Marriage From Gentle Neglect
01:24 – Welcome to Stronger Marriage Connection
03:14 – Moving From Roommates to Solemates
04:48 – Why Marriage Requires Intentional Connection
05:47 – Staying Connected Through Life's Transitions
06:56 – The Natural Drift Toward Isolation
07:21 – How Couples Slowly Grow Apart
08:08 – Greg and Erin's Marriage Wake-Up Call
09:41 – What Is Gentle Neglect?
10:12 – Recognizing Missed Opportunities for Connection
12:15 – Making Everyday Moments Matter
13:24 – Small Things That Strengthen Marriage
15:27 – Identifying the Little Foxes
16:13 – Prioritizing Marriage While Raising Children
17:52 – Common Habits That Erode Intimacy
19:27 – How Busyness Steals Connection
19:57 – Why Unresolved Conflict Creates Distance
20:37 – The Danger of Rating Your Spouse
22:29 – Learning to Repair After Conflict
23:56 – What Causes Our Hearts to Close?
25:06 – Creating Emotional Safety in Marriage
27:11 – Asking What Makes Your Partner Feel Safe
28:15 – How Greg and Erin Experience Safety
31:49 – Staying Curious About Your Spouse
33:03 – Rebuilding Sexual Intimacy and Connection
34:32 – Why Couples Need Honest Conversations
37:52 – Closely Pursuing Your Spouse
39:06 – Showing Love Through Small Gestures
40:44 – Caring About What Your Partner Values
42:29 – Creating Sacred Moments in Marriage
43:28 – Recognizing Opportunities for Daily Connection
45:29 – The Power of a Warm Welcome
46:53 – Turning Conflict Into Greater Intimacy
48:40 – More Resources From Greg and Erin
49:23 – Keys to a Stronger Marriage
50:55 – Final Thoughts and Farewell

Insights

• Erin Smalley: One of the most important keys to a stronger marriage is learning to repair after conflict. Every couple experiences disagreements because no two people are exactly alike. What matters most is how we respond afterward. Rather than allowing hurt feelings and misunderstandings to build walls between us, Erin encourages couples to return to difficult conversations once they've calmed down and their hearts are open again. By taking responsibility for hurtful behavior, seeking forgiveness, and genuinely trying to understand each other's experiences, couples can turn conflict into an opportunity for deeper intimacy. A healthy marriage isn't one without disagreements; it's one where both partners are willing to reconnect and repair.
  
  
• Greg Smalley: The key to a stronger marriage is making a lifelong commitment to rediscovering your spouse. People are constantly growing and changing, and the person you married years ago isn't exactly the same person you're married to today. Rather than assuming you already know everything about your partner, Greg encourages couples to remain curious about who their spouse is becoming. Ask questions, learn what helps them feel loved and safe, and look for new ways to pursue them through every season of life. Whether you're raising young children, navigating busy careers, or adjusting to an empty nest, choosing to rediscover your spouse every day helps keep your friendship, love, and emotional connection strong.

About Greg & Erin Smalley:

Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley are nationally recognized marriage experts, authors, speakers, and advocates dedicated to helping couples build stronger, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. Through their work with Focus on the Family, they have spent decades equipping couples with practical tools to deepen emotional intimacy, navigate conflict, and create lasting marital connections. 

Dr. Greg Smalley serves as Vice President of Marriage and Family Formation at Focus on the Family and holds a doctorate in clinical psychology. Erin Smalley is a licensed professional counselor and a strategic spokesperson for Focus on the Family's marriage ministry. Together, they bring professional expertise, personal experience, and a shared passion for helping couples strengthen their marriages. 

Married since 1992, Greg and Erin are the parents of four children. Their own marriage journey has shaped their approach to relationship education, particularly their understanding of how everyday distractions, unresolved conflict, and what they call “gentle neglect” can gradually weaken marital connection. 

They are the hosts of Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage, a podcast exploring the joys, challenges, and everyday realities of married life. They have also authored and contributed to numerous marriage resources, including Reconnected: Moving from Roommates to Soulmates. 

Through their writing, speaking, counseling, and educational outreach, Greg and Erin encourage couples to prioritize their relationship, rediscover one another, and recognize how small, intentional acts of love can create meaningful, lasting connections.

Greg and Erin's Resources:

Website: https://www.smalleymarriage.com/
Wesbite Focus on The Family Greg: https://www.focusonthefamily.com/contributors/greg-and-erin-smalley-2/
Reconnet Book: https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/reconnected/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/focusmarriage/?hl=en
Podcast: https://podcasts.focusonthefamily.com/show/crazy-little-thing-called-marriage

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Dr. Dave Schramm: 

Website: https://drdaveschramm.com

Website: https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

Website: http://www.drlizhale.com/

Rex Polanis: 

Website: https://www.drawn-in-media.com/