189: Rebuilding The Desire In Your Marriage

Podcast Guest: Vanessa Cushing

August 10th, 2026

189 Vanessa

Listen to the Show:

In this Episode

Sexual intimacy can be a powerful source of connection in marriage, but shame, avoidance, unrealistic expectations, and differences in desire can quickly create distance. Licensed professional counselor and certified sex therapist Vanessa Cushing joins Dave and Liz to discuss desire discrepancy, performance anxiety, pornography, sexual trauma, and the importance of honest communication. Learn how couples can stop blaming each other, build emotional safety, and approach sexual intimacy as a team focused on connection rather than performance.

“The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.”

Chapters

00:00 – Understanding Sexual Health and Intimacy
02:55 – Reclaiming Sexuality After Trauma
03:47 – When To Seek Sex Therapy
05:27 – Recognizing Sexual Distress Early
05:56 – Talking About Sexual Problems
07:05 – Early Marriage Sexual Challenges
08:15 – The Biggest Myth About Sex
09:30 – How Often Couples Have Sex
11:47 – Stop Performing, Start Connecting
12:30 – Understanding Desire Discrepancy
14:34 – Desire Is A Team Effort
15:42 – Identifying Sexual Desire Poisons
16:45 – Performance Anxiety and Desire
17:27 – Hormones and Changing Sexual Desire
18:05 – Understanding Erectile Dysfunction
18:44 – Medication and Performance Anxiety
20:07 – Changing Unhealthy Sexual Beliefs
22:05 – Sex Is About Connection
22:30 – Pornography and Sexual Behavior
23:19 – Understanding Porn as Coping
23:47 – Creating Relationship Agreements
24:51 – Shame, Secrecy, and Pornography
27:19 – Supporting Erectile Dysfunction
29:51 – Healing After Sexual Trauma
31:10 – Finding Your Sexual Voice
33:21 – Building Stronger Marriage Connection
35:12 – Takeaway of the Day

Insights

Vanessa Cushing: Talk to each other and stop blaming each other. Desire and intimacy improve when couples have hard conversations, approach challenges as a team, and consistently do the small things that strengthen connection.
Liz Hale: Desire is a team effort. Sexual challenges are not simply one partner's problem, and understanding the deeper emotional or psychological factors behind sexual behaviors can help couples respond with greater compassion.
Dave Schramm: Safety and connection are foundational to healthy sexual intimacy. Couples can strengthen their relationship by communicating openly, being vulnerable, and seeking professional help when challenges feel difficult to resolve alone.

About Vanessa Cushing:

Vanessa Cushing, LPC, CST, is a leading expert in sexual wellness and the founder of Cushing Counseling. Her clinical foundation is built on elite academic training, holding a Master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Johns Hopkins University and dual Bachelor’s degrees in Psychology and Women & Gender Studies from the University of Virginia (UVA).

As an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist with advanced certification from the University of Michigan, Vanessa bridges the gap between high-level clinical theory and practical, "no-nonsense" results. Licensed in both Virginia and Florida, she specializes in complex cases involving sexual trauma recovery, desire discrepancy, and LGBTQ+ affirming care.

Beyond her private practice, Vanessa is the visionary behind Sex Therapy Pro, the first clinician-built, AI-driven platform designed to make premier sexual health information accessible, affordable and fun. Her background as a Johns Hopkins-trained clinician ensures that every intervention is grounded in the latest evidence-based research, providing her clients with a sophisticated yet direct path to intimacy and healing.

Cushing Counseling's mission is to create a world-class sex & couples therapy practice centered on the highest level of expertise. Vanessa will only hire therapists who have evidence of exceptional ability in the field; this is crucial to being the best in class experts in Sex Therapy. Cushing Counseling's key values are integrity, expertise, and compassion.

Outside of her clinical work and entrepreneurship, Vanessa is an avid runner. She aims to become the first person in the world to run all 6 World Marathon Majors for sexual trauma survivors. She started a non-profit Six Stars for Survivors to bring awareness and healing to sexual trauma survivors. She is currently 4/6 with only Chicago and Boston left.