169: Understanding Neurodivergent Needs To Deepen Connection
Podcast Guest: Matt Zakreski
February 23rd, 2026
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In this Episode
In this episode of the Stronger Marriage Connection podcast, Dr. Matt Zakreski joins Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale to explore how neurodiversity shows up in marriage and long-term relationships. They define neurotypical vs. neurodivergent brains, explain why many couples feel misunderstood (not “broken”), and unpack three common friction points: communication style differences, sensory needs, and inconsistencies in day-to-day functioning. Matt also highlights strengths neurodivergent partners often bring—creativity, loyalty, justice-mindedness, and outside-the-box problem solving—and shares practical tools like “name it to tame it,” meta-communication, building shared understanding, and assuming positive intent. The episode ends with hope: when couples learn the language for what’s happening, they can set better expectations, reduce reactivity, and build connection intentionally.
“The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.”
Time Markers
00:04 – Neurodiversity and relationships
03:53 – Neurotypical vs neurodivergent
04:59 – Brain scans and Ferrari analogy
07:13 – Three common relationship challenges
11:58 – Introvert/extrovert and energy
15:00 – Compassionate framing in conflict
17:40 – Name it to tame it
18:28 – Sensory needs and intimacy
21:16 – Strengths: “don’t be deficit detective”
24:10 – One in five is neurodivergent
26:26 – Resilience and intentional fit
29:43 – Differences aren’t deficits
32:58 – Healthy relationships and expectations
36:21 – “You’ll never get to zero”
38:25 – Resources and where to find Matt
39:41 – Key: assume positive intent
41:15 – Know better, do better
42:20 – Liz takeaway: differences ≠ deficits
42:55 – Dave takeaway and gratitude
Insights
Matt's
As Maya Angelou said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” For some listeners, this may be the first time they’re hearing language around neurodivergence or recognizing that struggles—like sensory overwhelm with clothing or daily routines—aren’t just “quirks” or “mad problems,” but possible signs of something deeper. There’s no shame in not knowing what you didn’t know. But now that you do, you have the opportunity to respond differently. Knowledge isn’t just power—it’s empowerment. Use it to grow into a better professional, parent, and partner. Because ultimately, if we can’t show up well for the people we love most, what’s the point?
Liz’s
Differences don’t mean deficits—whether in individuals or in marriages. Every relationship is unique, and comparison only distracts from what actually matters. What we choose to focus on grows: we can fixate on frustrations and shortcomings, or we can notice the strengths, effort, and meaningful moments that make the partnership work. Choosing to focus on the good helps us nurture a healthier, more connected relationship.
Dave's
I now can do better. I know more, a lot of light bulbs I mentioned have gone on.
About Matt
Matthew “Dr. Matt” Zakreski, PsyD is a high energy, creative clinical psychologist and professional speaker who utilizes an eclectic approach to meet the specific needs of his neurodivergent clients. He is proud to serve the Gifted community as a consultant, a professor, an author, and a researcher. He has spoken nearly a thousand times all over the world about supporting neurodivergent clients, organizational wellness, and mental health. Dr. Zakreski is a member of Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted (SENG), the National Association for Gifted Children (NAGC), the New Jersey Association for Gifted Children (NJAGC), and Pennsylvania Association for Gifted Education (PAGE). Dr. Zakreski graduated from Widener University’s Institute for Graduate Clinical Psychology (IGCP) in 2016. He is the co-founder of The Neurodiversity Collective, LLC, co-host of the podcast “Nerding out on Neurodiversity,” and the author of the Neurodiversity Playbook: How Neurodivergent People Can Crack the Code of Living in a Neurotypical World.
Matt's Resources
https://www.drmattzakreski.com/blank-1
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