158: Understanding Attachment Styles Can Change Every Relationships

Podcast Guest: Marc Cameron

December 8th, 2025

158: Marc

Listen to the Show:

In this Episode

In this episode, marriage and family therapist Marc Cameron breaks down attachment styles—how they form in childhood, how they show up in adult relationships, and how anyone can move toward a more secure attachment. He walks through common insecure patterns (like avoidant, pleaser, vacillator, and disorganized dynamics), explaining why couples often get stuck in predictable cycles of conflict and disconnection. Marc shares a hopeful path forward: building a “coherent narrative” that makes sense of your story, learning the language of emotions and needs, practicing healthy boundaries that invite connection, and shifting from reactivity to responsiveness. You’ll also hear how secure attachment is built through repeated repair and comfort—because we’re hurt in relationships, and we heal in relationships.

“The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.”

Time Markers

00:03 – Why attachment styles matter
01:24 – Patterns feel “stuck”
02:27 – Attachment basics explained
03:35 – Childhood programming follows us
04:42 – Avoidant style: emotions minimized
07:00 – Pleaser style: manages others
08:45 – Vacillator: push–pull connection
11:00 – Disorganized: controller/victim
12:13 – Hope: earn secure attachment
12:36 – Coherent narrative: your story
14:50 – Practices for secure growth
15:08 – Secure relationships take effort
18:59 – If partner won’t grow
19:15 – Healthy boundaries invite closeness
22:06 – Healing = practice through discomfort
24:06 – Repair needs real relationships
27:42 – Can couples read together?
31:06 – HowWeLove.com resources + quiz
33:00 – Comfort circle: listen/speak
35:35 – Bowlby + attachment research
38:05 – New Life Live role
39:46 – Key: grow toward security
40:45 – Takeaway: don’t stay stuck
41:13 – Co-soothing becomes self-soothing
42:02 – Reacting vs responding
44:06 – Closing + resources

Insights
Marc's

There is hope for change. You don’t have to stay stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns—growth and healing are possible through doing your own work and responding differently.

Liz’s

Healthy relationships are essential to long-term health and happiness. Being soothed by others—starting in infancy—teaches us how to self-soothe, showing that relationships are key to healing.

Dave’s

Moving toward secure attachment is a gradual journey that helps us become less reactive and more responsive, compassionate, patient, and kind. It reminds us that growth is possible—we don’t have to stay stuck, and we can become better versions of ourselves.

About Marc

Marc is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and Amy is a Licensed Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner. Together, they lead How We Love, an organization dedicated to providing attachment-based resources for individuals, couples, churches, and therapists.

How We Love was originally founded by Milan and Kay Yerkovich, based on their groundbreaking book of the same name, released in 2006, which has sold over 100,000 copies. The book explores the attachment styles formed in childhood that shape how people connect with others in adulthood and influence their expectations in relationships. Milan and Kay guide readers to understand that marriage is a collision of two attachment styles—what they call a core pattern—which drives repetitive conflicts rooted in unconscious unmet needs. They also outline a practical process called the Comfort Circle, which helps couples work toward secure attachment and deeper emotional connection.

The How We Love website features a free attachment style quiz, taken by more than 5,000 people each month.

Marc is also a regular cohost on America’s #1 Christian call-in radio show, New Life Live, which reaches a listenership of over 2 million people. In addition, he is the author of Understanding Your Attachment Style, releasing December 2 of this year.