154: How To Navigate Sexual Mismatch and Rebuild Intimacy
Podcast Guest: Jordan Rullo
November 10th, 2025
Listen to the Show:
In this Episode
Sex therapist and Gottman clinician Dr. Jordan Rullo explains desire differences using the “gas & brakes” model, spontaneous vs. responsive desire, common mistakes (like scheduling sex), and evidence-based ways to rebuild intimacy—communication rituals, medical rule-outs, and weekly connection.
“The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.”
Time Markers
00:00 – Welcome & topic setup
02:29 – Meet Dr. Jordan Rullo
04:27 – Gas–brakes desire model
06:45 – Common brake factors
09:21 – Why gas alone fails
11:33 – Spontaneous vs. responsive desire
15:57 – Microwave vs. crock-pot mismatch
16:20 – True desire discrepancies
20:55 – Three common mistakes
26:55 – Consensual, unwanted sex
28:59 – Medical rule-outs matter
31:08 – Friendship before sex
32:51 – Magic Six Hours basics
35:27 – Two habits to start
38:10 – Keep connection prioritized
39:55 – Jordan’s sites and training
41:48 – Key: be best friends
42:51 – Takeaway: issues are treatable
Insights
Jordan's
Sexual health and relationship issues are treatable. If you’re struggling, talk to a trusted provider or therapist—and if they dismiss your concerns, ask for a referral. You deserve help, and trained professionals can support you in improving intimacy and connection.
Liz’s
Scheduling time to connect—not just for sex—helps couples strengthen emotional and physical closeness. Setting aside intentional time for cuddling, playing a game, or simply talking keeps connection a priority. Whether intimacy develops or not, the goal is to nurture togetherness and maintain closeness in meaningful ways.
Dave’s
The gas-and-brake analogy offers real hope for couples. Many believe passion requires doing more new or exciting things, but if emotional or relational “brakes” are still pressed—like stress, resentment, or fatigue—desire won’t move forward. Addressing those barriers first, rather than only adding “gas,” helps couples truly reconnect and rekindle intimacy.
About Jordan
Dr. Jordan Rullo, PhD, ABPP is a Board-Certified Clinical Health Psychologist, Certified Sex Therapist and Supervisor through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists and Certified Gottman Therapist. She is an Adjunct Assistant Professor in the Department of Clinical Psychology at the University of Utah, has a private practice in Salt Lake City, Utah (www.jordanrullo.com) and teaches online sexual health courses at http://www.sexualhealthsolutions.com/. Her areas of specialty include couples and sexual health, sexual dysfunction, and sexual health related to menopause and cancer. She presents on sexual health nationally and internationally and has published over two dozen peer-reviewed articles on the topic of sexual health.
Jordan's Resources
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Dr. Liz Hale: