149: Relational Life Therapy
Podcast Guest: Kristy Gaisford
October 6th, 2025
Listen to the Show:
In this Episode
In this episode, Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale sit down with Kristy Gaisford, licensed therapist and expert in Relational Life Therapy (RLT), to explore practical ways couples can break unhealthy patterns and reconnect with compassion. Kristy shares her personal and professional journey, the five dysfunctional patterns that harm relationships, and powerful tools like the Feedback Wheel and Customer Service Model to improve communication and repair. Listeners will learn how humility, self-awareness, and emotional maturity lead to stronger relationships—and why lasting change starts with yourself.
“The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.”
Time Markers
00:03 – Welcome and guest introduction
02:17 – Kristy’s personal marriage journey
05:37 – The first relationship starts with yourself
06:47 – Five dysfunctional patterns explained
09:55 – Rocking the boat vs. disengagement
12:28 – Letting go of who’s right or wrong
15:02 – The “Customer Service Window” repair analogy
17:15 – Working with the partner you have
19:17 – The power of a “relationship reckoning”
21:07 – Harmony, disharmony, and repair
22:51 – The Feedback Wheel: how to repair well
24:49 – Loving firmness vs. harshness
27:24 – Calling out bad behavior with love
28:43 – Understanding the adaptive child
30:50 – Key to a stronger marriage: humility and ownership
32:42 – Kristy’s upcoming Relationship Boot Camp
34:26 – Takeaway: you can only change yourself
35:07 – Ask your partner: “What’s it like to be with me?”
37:28 – Final reflections and closing
Insights
Kristy's
The key message is that real change starts with yourself. It’s easy to hear relationship advice and think your partner needs to change—but growth begins when you turn inward. One of the most powerful things you can do is learn to accept and reflect on honest feedback. Try asking your partner, “What’s it like to be with me? What are the best parts—and what’s most challenging?” Listening with openness and humility builds self-awareness and creates the foundation for deeper connection and lasting change.
Liz’s
Real relationship work begins by facing the person in the mirror—making peace with yourself and letting go of harsh self-criticism. Just as we strive to show kindness toward our partner, we must also extend that same grace to ourselves. The phrase “You’re no prize either” isn’t about tearing yourself down but about recognizing our shared humanity. We’re all imperfect, learning, and growing together as mere mortals doing our best to love and be loved.
Dave’s
Humility is the heart of real growth. Instead of focusing on what we wish our partner would change, it’s more powerful to look inward with honesty and compassion. Asking, “What’s the hardest part of living with me?” isn’t about self-criticism—it’s about courage and curiosity. This kind of mirror work helps us see our own blind spots, quirks, and flaws with gentleness rather than judgment. True connection begins when we trade harshness for humility and take responsibility for our part in the relationship.
About Kristy:
Kristy has a master's in Social work from Columbia University. She has a private practice in Salt Lake City and she specializes in relationships. She runs Relationship Boot Camps in SLC and New York City. She is passionate about relationships, the Enneagram, learning, and being outdoors.
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