145: Trigger Happy: A Candid Look at Emotional Reactivity
Podcast Guest: Jason Whitting
September 8th, 2025
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In this Episode
In this episode of the Stronger Marriage Connection Podcast, hosts Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale sit down with Dr. Jason Whiting, professor of Marriage and Family Therapy at BYU. Together, they explore how honesty, trust, and emotional regulation form the foundation of healthy relationships. Dr. Whiting explains why honesty is more complex than simply “telling it like it is,” how emotional reactivity distorts perceptions, and why authenticity and accountability are crucial for intimacy.
“The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.”
Time Markers
00:00 – Introduction to Jason Whiting and topic.
01:15 – Honesty and trust as relationship foundations.
04:43 – Research on everyday dishonesty.
07:27 – Why honesty often gets mixed with reactivity.
09:52 – How emotions shape perception of partners.
13:38 – Emotional regulation and the power of timeouts.
15:30 – Self-care as key to relationship health.
17:28 – Accountability vs. defensiveness in relationships.
20:33 – What authenticity really means.
24:43 – Creating safe spaces for vulnerability.
26:41 – Rebuilding trust after betrayal.
28:30 – Jason’s key to stronger marriage connection: trust.
30:09 – Takeaway: trust grows with consistent effort.
31:12 – Liz’s takeaway: editing words to find the truth.
31:39 – Dave’s takeaway: respond instead of react.
32:49 – Authentic self vs. reactive self.
34:20 – Closing reflections and reminders.
Insights
Jason's
Trust grows with consistent, focused effort. Give your relationship prime time—quality and quantity—and it will strengthen; scatter your attention elsewhere, and it won’t. It takes work, and it’s absolutely worth it.
Liz’s
“Brutal honesty” often isn’t honesty at all—it’s just being brutal. Real honesty means slowing down, editing our words, and taking the time to find the truth rather than blurting out reactive thoughts.
Dave’s
Strong emotions can distort how we see our partner, almost like “kicking up dust.” In those moments, we may act from a reactive “version two” of ourselves rather than our authentic self. The key is learning to pause, recognize when we’re overwhelmed, and choose a thoughtful response instead of reacting. Becoming an “emotional first responder” means slowing down, asking for a break if needed, and staying true to our real, grounded self instead of letting reactivity take over.
About Jason:
Dr. Jason Whiting is a professor in the Marriage and Family Therapy program at Brigham Young University. His research projects have included federally funded initiatives to reduce abuse and strengthen marriage, and he is currently directing a qualitative exploration of healthy and unhealthy intimate relationship practices, as well as analyses of online discussions of abuse. In addition to his scholarly work, he has written for a general audience, including Love Me True: Overcoming the Surprising Ways We Deceive in Relationships, and regular blogs on Psychology Today. He teaches courses on addictions, violence, and grounded theory research methods. In his free time, he reads books on a wide range of topics, plays racquetball and guitar, hangs out with his family, and folds huge piles of laundry.
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