136: Why Being Nice Kills Passion and What To Do Instead

Podcast Guest: Alexandra Stockwell

June 9th, 2025

136: Alexandra

Listen to the Show:

In this Episode

In this powerful episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, Dr. Alexandra Stockwell—known as the “Intimacy Doctor”—shares how couples can reignite passion by prioritizing emotional connection, curiosity, and authenticity. A physician-turned-relationship coach and author of Uncompromising Intimacy, she teaches that great sex and deep love stem not from compromise, but from revealing your true self and cultivating everyday sensuality. Learn how to communicate kindly, stay emotionally present, and bring joy into daily routines—whether you’re sautéing onions or navigating a disagreement. This is a must-listen for couples wanting more harmony, passion, and lasting connection.

“The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.”

Time Markers

00:00 – Meet Dr. Alexandra Stockwell

02:08 – Everyday eroticism explained

07:18 – Embodiment over mental shifts

08:20 – Masculine and feminine dynamics

13:37 – Power of one partner shifting

14:22 – Emotional intimacy as foreplay

17:23 – Why compromise kills passion

20:30 – Thai food as a metaphor

23:07 – Start small with vulnerable truths

25:01 – Do men compromise more now?

27:52 – Rediscover curiosity in marriage

31:10 – Intimacy is revealing, not mind-reading

32:49 – The complexity of true kindness

37:56 – Identify conversation types clearly

42:24 – Ask “How old do I feel?”

45:44 – Re-centering after childhood triggers

50:15 – Growth isn’t just from trauma

54:11 – Tracking growth, not perfection

55:44 – Frequency: sex and date nights

58:59 – Takeaway: Intimacy is a learnable skill

1:01:17 – Small things build connection

Insights

Alexandra’s

No matter your marriage’s current state—challenging or great—you can always improve it, because deeper intimacy and connection are learnable skills.

Liz’s

What really stuck with me is that intimacy is learnable. I especially loved the insight about using a gentle, kind tone and speaking slowly with full breath—that feels like real magic.

Dave’s

What stood out to me is how tone affects how messages are received—and that mindset alone isn't enough. Real change happens when curiosity and intention are followed by action.

About Alexandra:

Alexandra Stockwell, MD, aka “The Intimacy Doctor,” is widely known for her ability to catalyze immediate and profound shifts in high achieving couples who want it all–genuine emotional connection, sensual passion, and erotic intimacy.

A physician coach and Intimate Marriage Expert, Dr. Alexandra is the best-selling author of “Uncompromising Intimacy,” creator of the Aligned & Hot Marriage program, host of The Intimate Marriage Podcast, a wife of 28 years and a mother of 4. Couples who work with her discover the key to passion, fulfillment, intimacy, and success isn’t compromise–it’s being unwilling to compromise--because when both people feel free to be themselves, the relationship is juicy, erotically alive, and deeply nourishing.

Dr. Alexandra has been featured in the New York Times, Huffington Post, Rolling Stone, USAToday, Cosmopolitan, Business Insider, thriveglobal, mindbodygreen, FOX NEWS NYC, and LA Weekly Magazine named her one of the “Top 10 Relationship Experts to Watch in 2023.”

My passion is to serve couples in long-term relationships, showing them how to keep passion alive, and enjoy a nourishing marriage, while modeling the same for their children.

Alexandra's Resources:

www.alignedhotmarriage.com

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