132: Gottman’s Science of Love: Practical Tools for Connection
Podcast Guest: Julie Sharon
May 12th, 2025
Listen to the Show:
In this Episode
In this episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, Dutch-American psychologist and Gottman-trained therapist Julie Sharon-Wagschal shares simple, research-backed strategies to help couples build stronger emotional connections. Drawing on Gottman Method principles, Julie explains how tools like pulse oximeters, stress-reducing conversations, and repair attempts can help couples improve emotional regulation, reduce conflict, and deepen connection. You’ll also learn why kindness, gratitude, and turning toward bids for connection are the small acts that make the biggest difference in marriage. Perfect for couples who want practical, science-based tools to strengthen their relationship.
“The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.”
Time Markers
00:00 – Welcome and intro to Julie
01:53 – What makes a relationship thrive
03:37 – Gottman’s research and emotional physiology
04:36 – Using pulse oximeters in therapy
07:21 – How to take an effective break
09:43 – Communicating about conflict styles
12:02 – Turning toward bids for connection
14:48 – Gottman’s “bids” study explained
17:43 – Missing bids and repairing afterward
18:56 – The damage of contempt
20:37 – Why kindness matters in marriage
22:23 – 5:1 ratio of positive to negative
25:11 – Stress-reducing conversations
28:39 – Aftermath of a fight exercise
31:12 – How emotions shape reactivity
33:08 – Kindness + gratitude = connection
35:10 – Key to a stronger connection: self-reflection
36:41 – Where to find Julie’s resources
37:35 – Takeaway: pause, reflect, respond
40:46 – Wrap-up and final thoughts
Insights
Julie’s
Slow down. Take a look inside. Don't respond too quickly. Think before you act, think before you speak, feel before you speak.
Liz’s
Kindness and generosity are key to strong marriages. While relationships can feel complicated, their foundation is often simpler than we think.
Dave’s
If we pause and manage strong emotions before reacting, we can break unhealthy cycles and respond with more kindness and gratitude.
About Julie:
Julie Sharon-Wagschal is a Dutch-American psychologist, relationship educator, and founder of the Center for Relationship Learning. She offers therapy and workshops for couples, and training and consultation for professionals by using the Gottman Method for Couples Therapy.
Julie has a MA in Counseling Psychology and a BA in Psychology. Julie is a Certified Gottman Therapist, Bringing Baby Home Educator, certification consultant and Master Trainer for the Level One, Level Two and Level Three Gottman Method Couples Therapy workshops for professionals. She also provides Marathon Therapy for couples and The Art and Science of Love and Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work workshops.
Primarily working within the local international community, Julie has counselled clients from over 50 countries. At her private practice, she helps distressed and disconnected couples to rediscover and reignite friendship and intimacy, and improve their communication skills.
Ultimately, Julie’s mission is to support couples to become closer and kinder with each other, so they can create safe and loving homes for themselves and their families, hereby positively affecting the world around them. She works on achieving this goal by counseling couples through therapy or workshops, by teaching mental health professionals to integrate the Gottman Method into their own work with couples, and by educating and speaking in local and international organisations and media outlets.
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