131: Navigating Relationship Conflict: Healing Through Connection

Podcast Guest: Ryan Seedal

May 5th, 2025

131: Ryan

Listen to the Show:

In this Episode

In this episode, Dr. Ryan Seedal—licensed marriage and family therapist and director of Utah State University’s MFT program—shares powerful insights on how couples can navigate conflict, build emotional attunement, and strengthen connection. Drawing from over 20 years of clinical experience and attachment research, he explains key patterns like demand-withdraw, the power of repair after conflict, the “signal and respond” dynamic, and how anger can serve as a healthy protest. He also highlights growing challenges like tech-related conflict and mixed-faith marriages. Learn how early intervention, grace, and intentional attunement can transform your relationship.

“The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.”

Time Markers

00:00 Introducing Dr. Ryan Seedal

03:00 Traits of strong, healthy couples

05:44 Why couples must rebuild positives

06:39 Productive vs. destructive conflict

08:49 Importance of repair after conflict

09:06 Demand-withdraw pattern explained

11:47 Gender and emotional engagement

13:24 Creating space and negotiating time

16:03 Identifying needs during conflict

17:08 What “signal and respond” means

21:25 Support adequacy and emotional attunement

23:54 Understanding anger as protest

28:01 Healthy vs. harmful anger responses

28:47 Bonding through stress and support

31:29 How couple challenges have evolved

33:40 Tech and text-based communication issues

34:47 Mixed-faith marriages and meaning gaps

35:55 Impact of trauma on relationships

36:13 Why early therapy matters

38:25 Give yourself grace and flexibility

40:54 Parenting, conflict, and family patterns

43:41 Final takeaways: attunement and connection

45:16 Risk of vulnerability and missed bids

47:34 Wrap-up and call to action

Insights

Ryan’s

Attunement—truly noticing and responding to a partner’s emotional state—is key to deeper connection. When we go beyond surface-level check-ins and tune in to each other’s real needs and vulnerabilities, it fosters closeness, trust, and stronger relationships.

Liz’s

The concept of “signal and respond” highlights the core question in relationships—Will you be there for me? Being accessible, responsive, and engaged fosters emotional safety and connection, echoing Dr. Sue Johnson’s work on attachment.

Dave’s

Recognizing and interrupting unhealthy relationship patterns requires stepping back, gaining perspective, and asking what both partners truly need. If you're stuck in a cycle, don't hesitate—reach out to a therapist for support and clarity.

About Ryan Seedal:

Dr. Ryan Seedall was born and raised on a farm in Rupert, Idaho, that grew wheat, sugar beets, potatoes, and beans. He received his PhD from Michigan State University in 2011 and joined the MFT program at Utah State University in 2012. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist and has been a practicing therapist for over 20 years. His program of research is anchored in the fundamental belief that human relationships form the bedrock of growth and development. Within that belief, Ryan aims to improve human relationships by focusing primarily on processes and patterns. Much of his research has sought to understand interactional processes, including how people interact and how relationships change. With a particular interest in attachment theory and its processes, he has conducted process-related research and scholarly work in the areas of couple conflict, couple support, intervention, grief, and power. Clinically, he loves working with individuals, couples, and families about a variety of issues (e.g., trauma, infidelity, depression, anxiety, couple conflict, etc.). He and his wife, Ruth, live in Hyde Park, Utah, and have four children.

Ryan Seedal's Resources

https://cehs.usu.edu/hdfs/

https://www.cachevalleyfamilies.com/

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