120: Relationship Evaluation

Podcast Guest: Don and Carrie Cole

February 17th, 2025

119: Don and Carrie

Listen to the Show:

In this Episode

In this episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, Dr. Don and Dr. Carrie Cole from the Gottman Institute join hosts Dr. Liz Hale and Dr. Dave Schramm to discuss the power of relationship evaluations. They explore key areas such as emotional bids, conflict resolution, setting boundaries with family, shared meaning in marriage, and navigating major life transitions like bringing home a baby or becoming empty nesters. Learn practical strategies, including the 11-point checkup, stress-reducing conversations, and rituals of connection, to help your marriage thrive.

“The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.”

Time Markers

00:04 - Welcome Don & Carrie Cole
Experts in relationship science from the Gottman Institute.

02:00 - Why Evaluate Your Relationship?
Importance of regular couple check-ins.

02:48 - Balancing Family & Marriage
Signs you’re too close or too distant.

05:30 - Setting Boundaries with Family
When family involvement becomes intrusive.

09:24 - How to Stop Oversharing
Responding when family asks about your marriage.

10:26 - Creating a Strong Couple Identity
Defining shared meaning and goals.

14:06 - Avoiding Parallel Lives in Marriage
Keeping connection alive amid busyness.

16:03 - Stress-Reducing Conversations
How to be a better listener.

23:43 - Rituals of Connection
Intentional habits that strengthen relationships.

26:17 - Navigating Crisis Together
Signs you’re supporting each other or drifting apart.

30:49 - Building Trust in Hard Times
How trust means “thinking for two.”

32:04 - Bringing Baby Home Successfully
Preventing relationship stress with a newborn.

34:31 - Avoiding Emotional Disconnection
Why appreciation is crucial for new parents.

38:09 - Preparing for Empty Nesting
Keeping your connection strong after kids leave.

42:26 - Handling Conflict & Differences
Creating a safe space for open expression.

45:55 - Key to a Stronger Marriage Connection
Carrie: Listening to emotions.
Don: Mastering repair attempts.

47:30 - Resources for Couples
Gottman tools, workshops, and coaching

About Don and Carrie:

Dr. Carrie Cole is the Director of Research for The Gottman Institute and manages the Gottman Love Lab. She holds a Ph.D. in psychological research. Carrie also holds a master’s degree in counseling psychology. She is a licensed professional counselor and an approved LPC supervisor in the State of Texas, a licensed mental health counselor in the State of Washington, and a Certified Gottman Therapist. Carrie is a Master Trainer for The Gottman Institute and trains therapists in Gottman Method Couples Therapy around the world. She is a consultant for the certification program. She has led The Art and Science of Love weekend workshop for couples multiple times a year since 2008. Carrie has also published peer-reviewed journal articles independently and with Drs. John and Julie Gottman. Her work with couples includes couples therapy, workshops, seminars, and intensive marathon sessions. Carrie and her husband, Dr. Don Cole reside in Seattle, WA.

Title, Profession, Credentials, etc.:

Research Director for Gottman Institute

Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist and Master Trainer for Gottman Method,

PhD., M.Ed., LPC-S, LMHC

Don and Carrie's Resources

Website:
https://centerforrelationshipwellness.com/

Social Media Links:

Center for Relaitonship wellness

Email:

carrie@gottman.com

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

StrongerMarriage.org