109: No More Mr. Nice Guy

Podcast Guest: Brannon and Tyler Patrick

December 2nd, 2024

109: Brannon and Tyler

Listen to the Show:

In this Episode

In this episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, Dave Schramm and Liz Hale sit down with therapist brothers Tyler and Brannon Patrick to unpack the concept of the "Mr. Nice Guy" and its impact on relationships. Often rooted in fear and insecurity, the Mr. Nice Guy persona erodes safety and trust in relationships despite its seemingly good intentions. The Patricks explore how men can reclaim authenticity, embrace healthy masculinity, and foster deeper intimacy. This conversation offers actionable advice for both men and women, with tips on setting boundaries, communicating effectively, and building a courageous marriage. Whether you identify with these struggles or want to deepen your relationship dynamics, this episode delivers valuable insights.

“The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.”

Time Markers

00:03 – What is Mr. Nice Guy?

03:49 – Meet therapists Tyler & Brannon

06:55 – The root of Mr. Nice Guy

09:22 – Consequences of avoiding conflict

12:32 – Core fears and insecurities explained

16:29 – Problems created by Mr. Nice Guy

20:28 – Advice for partners of Nice Guys

24:09 – Reclaiming authenticity and masculinity

26:25 – Assertiveness and empathy balance

28:46 – Importance of healthy differentiation

32:24 – The Therapy Brothers podcast

34:07 – Rising Sun Conference and resources

35:22 – Keys to a courageous marriage

37:18 – Takeaway: honesty and authenticity

Insights

Brannon's

Really examine what is real, honesty and authenticity in a relationship. It's not just saying yes, I did that or no I didn't. It's showing up authentic. It's showing yourself in a relationship. And Mr. Nice Guys, bless their heart, like that, they're scared to do that, and so to do that work takes courage, it's hard work, but it's the key to an actual relationship, because you can't know them unless they show themselves.

Tyler's

If you're listening to this podcast right now and you're having some things stir underneath the surface, if you're feeling mad that we just talked about being a Mr. Nice Guy, you need to look at that. You should go take a look at what it is that's turning inside of you. And the next best step would be to take that feeling and actually go and approach your spouse and ask about it. Have a discussion about it. So, open up the discussion about where things don't seem like they're quite fitting, even though everything looks pretty on the outside. And that discussion will be a great Kickstart to something even better.

Liz’s

I love this whole thought about Eastern philosophy, the yin and the yang, and that the more the more feminine I can be, the more masculine it inspires my husband to be, and vice versa. So, women are not helpless hopeless. They really can take a stand. They can even use my two favorite words of I can't when they're asked to do something that keeps men kind of in that mode of not being accountable and staying afraid.

Dave's

This difference of wrestling, okay, but isn't it good to be nice, it's good to be kind. So I'm glad that you clarify right kindness and care and compassion, but it's really like the motive, what's going on underneath, and is it, does it stem from fear or this genuine or authentic, right, desire to be kind, but also to have my own voice and to that it's not this facade, You know, I'm genuine, I am authentic, if this is who I am, and that can be a kind, not even nice, person, but if there's something to the stirring underneath, that's where some of the struggle then comes from. And then I love that, that foundation of safety and trust that you talked about, that that will eventually erode so all kinds of little lights and things going on in my brain.

About Tyler:

Tyler has been working his own recovery for over 15 years. He strives to live the principles he teaches and he is on a life-long quest to become a man of courage, passion, and love. He has been married for over 20 years to an incredible woman and a father to 4 amazing daughters. His hobbies away from work include supporting his children's interests, fly-fishing, backpacking, training River (his german shorthair pointer), soccer, and exercising. 

As a marriage and family therapist, he has dedicated his career to mastering an understanding of recovery from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. He has come to believe that the men and women who embrace and live the principles of recovery do far more than get their lives back, they become the best kinds of husbands and wives, fathers and mothers. He feels privileged to act as a guide and support to those who embark in the life transformation of living a connected lifestyle. 

About Brannon:

Brannon is a dynamic leader in the relationship recovery community. He has a passion for repairing broken relationships. He has developed several programs for addiction recovery and betrayal. 
In 2015 he started creating content online to reach more couples who are struggling. He’s extremely grateful that these resources have helped to heal thousands of couples from different parts of the world. He is the co-clinical director and owner of TherapyUTAH.  He has treated almost every kind of addiction in every setting. He started working on an inpatient psychiatric unit and then spent years gaining experience in an intensive outpatient setting. Through his years of clinical work, he has received specialized training including as a Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist. 

Apart from being a relationship and recovery coach, he’s also a writer, blogger, podcaster, and content creator. He’s known as The Expert on the The Betrayed The Addicted and The Expert podcast with couple, Ashlynn and Coby Mitchell. Every week, they share three different perspectives on topics dealing with relationships, recovery & addiction, guiding our listeners through change no matter their circumstance. One of his favorite things to do is run healing retreats for men women and couples.   
He is also trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. His greatest training has been in real life.  He has been married to his beautiful wife for over 15 years now.  Like any relationship we have had to work hard at it.  Learning how to create safety, hold space, allow for our own individuality and working through conflict.

Brannon and Tylers Resources

https://therapybrothers.org/about-us/

https://www.therapyutah.org/meet-brannon-patrick/

https://lovestrong.com/our-podcasts/

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