106: Understanding Our Emotional Cycles
Podcast Guest: Jake Baczuk
November 11th, 2024
Listen to the Show:
In this Episode
In this episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale are joined by therapist Jake Baczuk to explore the transformative concepts of the pain and peace cycles. Jake, a clinical manager and couples’ therapist, explains how negative patterns in behavior and communication create pain cycles that keep couples stuck in frustration and resentment. He introduces the peace cycle as a way to disrupt these patterns by focusing on understanding underlying emotions and unmet needs. Tune in to learn about the practical tools and techniques to foster empathy, self-reflection, and more peaceful responses in your relationships.
“The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.”
Time Markers
00:05 – Introduction to the pain and peace cycles
02:23 – Jake’s journey into therapy
06:40 – Why work with couples
07:09 – Introduction to restoration therapy
12:19 – Exploring the pain cycle
15:01 – Example of a couple’s journey
19:43 – Transition to the peace cycle
22:44 – Understanding the peace cycle
28:00 – Concrete tips to break the cycle
33:33 – Advice for therapists working with couples
36:53 – When individual work is necessary
41:04 – Takeaway of the day: empathy and understanding
Insights
Jake's
Recognize that we're all human beings. We're all human beings that are going to make mistakes that we're not necessarily broken or wrong or anything like that, because our love or trustworthiness was breached at some point in our life. We're just human beings, right? And when we understand that human element of ourselves, then we have so many opportunities to move in directions that are healthy, that we want to go, whether it's individually or within our relationship or within our family or at work or anything like that, right? So we're all human beings.
Liz’s
I think whether we're partners or just people, individuals. We're powerful. So, as we look at the pain cycle or the peace cycle, I just think that there's probably a magic in the pause just to think, now wait a minute, where might that person be coming from? What's really going underneath their behavior? So, I love that. I love the reminder of that cycle.
Dave's
I think what stood out is when you talked about the boxes and learning not to react to your partner's behavior, but really respond to what's underneath, and that's the emotions. These needs are often deep and hidden, but if we can look past that and really see them and understand them, may not even agree with that, but still to understand with that, that understanding is powerful, and understanding this, this pain and these peace cycles that we're often blind to. We don't get it. We're so deep into it that we can't step outside and see that we're stuck and often creating the very problems that we don't like in our in the own reactions that our partner, that we're almost helping to create those which is this, yeah, this paradox.
About Jake:
Jake is a clinical manager for evolvedMD, an integrated behavioral health company that utilizes the Collaborative Care Model in Primary Care settings. Jake is passionate about this because they are creating access to mental and behavioral health to a population that would not otherwise receive help. It's amazing! He enjoys writing and playing music, playing softball, watching baseball, and spending time with his wife and three kids. He enjoys doing couples therapy and hope’s to start a small private practice in the near future.
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