Is My Relationship Abusive? 4 Types of Relationship Abuse
No one should ever have to suffer through abuse in a relationship, and it's never too late to get the help you need if you are. Take the case of Bob and Mary. They had been married for 10 years and things seemed to be going pretty well. But then Mary began to notice that Bob's behavior was changing. He became more aggressive and controlling, and Mary found herself walking on eggshells around him. She began to feel isolated from her family and friends and became increasingly afraid of him. When Mary finally realized that Bob had been physically and emotionally abusing her for years, she reached out to a friend and was finally able to get the help she needed.
It's heartbreaking to think that any couple could be living in a situation of abuse.
Unfortunately, it's an all-too-common reality. Although some forms of abuse are easier to spot than others, recognizing the signs of abuse in a marital relationship can be difficult. That's why it's so important to be aware of the signs and to be willing to reach out for help.
One of the most common forms of abuse in a marriage is physical abuse. This can range from slapping or throwing things, to denying access to medical care, to using weapons. If you are concerned that a friend or someone else you know is in an abusive relationship, it's important to look for the physical signs of abuse such as unexplained bruises or cuts. Also, look for changes in the victim's behavior such as increased fear or avoidance of their partner.
Another form of abuse is emotional or psychological abuse. This can include a wide range of things, including verbal insults and threats and constant demeaning language. Red flags that you could look for in others would be a decrease in self-esteem, fear of speaking out, or a lack of interest in activities that the victim used to enjoy.
Financial abuse is another destructive and scary form of abuse that can occur in a marital relationship. It’s not okay for someone to control their partner’s access to money or not allow them to work or go to school. Financial abuse can also take the form of forced debt, forcing the victim to sign documents they don't understand, or the misuse of joint accounts.
Finally, sexual abuse also should never be tolerated in any relationship. This can range from unwanted touching to sexual assault. Signs you could notice in others who experience this may be symptoms of depression, anxiety, or withdrawing from friends and family.
Do you feel like you may be experiencing abuse? Or, do you know someone who is? The first step is to create a plan for staying safe. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a 24/7, free, and confidential service that provides support and resources for victims of abuse. Trained advocates are available to provide emotional support, safety planning, and referrals to local services. For those who are not comfortable reaching out to a hotline, there are a variety of online resources available. The Utah Marriage Commission has blogs, guidebooks, podcasts, relationship assessments, online courses, and webinars that are based on research and the experience of relationship professionals and can give more information about recognizing and preventing abuse. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence also provides an online chat service, as well as a variety of fact sheets and safety planning tips.
In addition to online resources, there are a variety of local services available to victims of abuse. Local domestic violence shelters and advocacy centers can provide victims with legal advice, housing assistance and access to counseling. Victims of abuse can also contact their local law enforcement agency, which may provide additional resources and assistance.
No one deserves to be abused and help is available. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse in a marital relationship, please reach out for help.
Claire Keller is the primary author of this blog.