5 Tips for Communicating with In-Laws 

Miranda Komarek Price

Strong relationships with in-laws can provide meaningful support and connection—but strained in-law relationships can also place real stress on a marriage. Here are some tips for building relationships with in-laws that help (rather than harm) your relationship with your partner. 

1. Set boundaries 

Clear boundaries are a key part of any healthy relationship, but are particularly important when it comes to protecting both your marriage and your relationships with in-laws. Boundaries can help you kindly communicate your and your partner's needs, and can help you connect with your families of origin in a way that strengthens your relationship. Since boundaries are rules you live by (not rules you impose on others), it is important to let your in-laws know what your boundaries are so that they do not accidentally cross them without knowing it.  

While my husband and I were in college, we lived very close to my parents. We would go over every week for Sunday dinner. It was nice to see them, but it ended up being a lot. My husband and I decided that we would go over every other Sunday. We talked with my parents and explained that we needed some Sundays to just be with each other. After talking with them and setting the boundary of going over every other week, our Sunday dinners become more special and a lot more enjoyable. 

2. Have open communication

Open communication with in-laws means creating space for honest, respectful conversations—especially when feelings are hurt or expectations are unclear. While it’s not always easy, addressing concerns directly (rather than letting resentment build) can prevent long-term damage to both the in-law relationship and your marriage.

When challenges arise, start by clarifying who should communicate. In many cases, it works best for the biological child to take the lead in conversations with their own parents, with their spouse’s support. This can reduce defensiveness and help the message land more gently.

If boundaries allow, consider setting aside a calm, intentional time to talk—rather than addressing issues in the heat of the moment. Use “I” statements to express how you feel and focus on the impact of the situation rather than blame. For example:

• “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately, and I wanted to share what’s been hard for us.”

• “We really value our relationship with you, and that’s why we want to talk this through.”

Avoid vague hints or indirect comments. While it may feel uncomfortable to be clear, respectful honesty often prevents repeated misunderstandings. Open communication doesn’t guarantee agreement—but it does increase understanding and reduce unnecessary heartache over time.

3. Establish your own family space

Our whole married life, my husband and I have lived very close to both our parents. This has led to some very happy times, and also some really hard times. Over the years, it has been important for us to make sure that, no matter how close we live to our families of origin, we carve out space for our own family of creation -- the family we established when we got married.

Establishing both your own physical space (even when you live with in-laws), and your own metaphorical family space through unique traditions, a strong couple identity, and time with just your spouse and kids will help you grow as a unit and better understand how you fit into your larger extended family puzzle. 

4. Know criticism will come

No matter how well you get along with your in-laws, there are going to be times when you disagree. Sometimes, they may even be critical of the choices that you and your partner make for your family. It's important to know how to handle that criticism as a couple and not to let it negatively impact your marriage. When communicating with your in-laws about disagreements, you might say things like:

• "Thank you for your advice."

• "We know that you might not agree with it, and that's ok, but it's what we feel is right for our family."
  

• "That really hurt me when you said _____. I would appreciate it if you would respect our right to choose for ourselves."

Ultimately, the most important thing you and your partner can do is get on the same page, and have each other's backs. Avoid talking negatively about your spouse with your parents or siblings. If you are struggling with criticism from in-laws, turn toward each other and talk about it. Do what you can to express your feelings in a kind way and to avoid pitting your partner against their parents or siblings. 

5. Limit time with unsupportive in-laws 

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, interactions with in-laws remain painful, critical, or emotionally draining. If time with extended family is consistently harming your mental health or creating tension in your marriage, it’s okay—and sometimes necessary—to take a step back.

Limiting time doesn’t have to mean cutting off contact completely. It may look like shorter visits, fewer gatherings, or choosing neutral settings over extended stays. As a couple, talk honestly about what feels manageable right now and agree on boundaries that protect your relationship.

If appropriate, consider communicating the shift clearly but kindly. For example:

• “We’ve realized we need a little more space right now to focus on our marriage.”

• “Some things that were said have been really hard for us, and we need time to reset.”

It’s normal for this decision to feel uncomfortable, especially if it leads to disappointment or hurt feelings. But protecting your marriage is not selfish—it’s foundational. Healthy distance can sometimes create the breathing room needed for healing, reflection, and healthier future interactions.

In-law relationships can be complicated, and there’s no one “right” way to navigate them. While they can bring stress and tension at times, they can also be a meaningful source of love, support, and connection. By setting thoughtful boundaries, communicating openly, and protecting your marriage as a team, you create space for healthier interactions over time. Remember, the goal isn’t perfection—it’s building relationships that support both your marriage and your well-being.