Supporting the Firstborn: Helping Children Adjust to a New Sibling

By Christina Pay, Extension Associate Professor

The birth of a new baby can be a joyful event, but it also marks a significant transition for older siblings, particularly the firstborn. As the family dynamic shifts, firstborn children may experience a range of emotions including excitement, confusion, jealousy, or even grief over the loss of undivided attention. How parents respond during this time can play a crucial role in shaping the firstborn’s adjustment and long-term sibling relationships.

Understanding the Firstborn's Perspective

Firstborn children often hold a unique role in the family, having enjoyed undivided attention from caregivers. The birth of a sibling may feel like a loss of this special status triggering feelings of insecurity or rivalry. Studies show that children frequently display behavioral changes in the first six months following the arrival of a sibling, including tantrums, regression, sleep disruptions, and anxiety (Zhu et al., 2023). While these behaviors can be challenging for caregivers, they are developmentally typical responses to change, and it is the quality of the caregiver’s response that plays a critical buffering role (Zhu et al., 2023).

Strategies to Support the Firstborn

• Prepare the Child in Advance
  Preparing children in advance, during pregnancy, can ease the transition. A 2018 study found that firstborns who were told early about the baby and allowed time to adjust showed fewer behavioral problems and greater emotional readiness (Chen et al., 2018). Picture books, role-playing with dolls, and showing ultrasound images can make the experience more concrete for young children. It is helpful to emphasize that love in a family grows rather than divides.
• Maintain Routines and Consistency
  Daily rituals such as bedtime routines, special songs, or meal schedules can be powerful anchors for a child during this transition. When daily life feels predictable, children tend to feel safer and more emotionally regulated (Zhang, et, al., 2023).
• Encourage Involvement and Helper Roles
  Involving the firstborn in age-appropriate caregiving tasks such as picking out clothes or singing to the baby can reduce jealousy and feelings of exclusion and instead build connection. When the invitation is framed as an opportunity, rather than a responsibility, children tend to respond more positively (Qian et al., 2023).
• Set Aside Dedicated One-on-One Time
  Daily moments of undivided attention, even 10 to 15 minutes of play or reading, can help reassure the firstborn of their continued importance in the family. Labeling this as “our special time” gives it emotional importance. Research confirms that these moments strengthen emotional resilience and reduce rivalry (Yakov, et al., 2025).
• Validate Emotions and Avoid Shame
  It is natural for a firstborn to feel upset or angry. Acknowledging and labeling these feelings, such as saying “It is okay to miss having Mommy all to yourself,” or” It’s hard when Mommy is feeding the baby and you want to play”, helps children feel seen and builds emotional vocabulary (Zhang et al., 2023). Avoid scolding the child or using other shame-based responses as can compound feelings of distress.
• Monitor and Support Behavior
  Regression or misbehavior is common and often signals a need for connection. Rather than discipline, offer comfort, connection, and praise for positive behaviors. Studies show that being attuned to a child’s internal experience buffers against sibling conflict and long-term behavioral concerns (Yakov, et al., 2025). Reinforce that love and attention are not conditional.

The adjustment period varies by child and may take weeks or months. However, when caregivers are warm, consistent, and emotionally attuned, firstborns are more likely to develop a positive bond with their sibling over time (Zhang. et al., 2023; Yakov, et al., 2025).

Building a strong bond with both children and showing them how to treat each other with kindness helps create a home where everyone feels safe and connected. With a little preparation and ongoing support, most firstborns not only adjust to having a new sibling, but they also often grow to love and take pride in their role as the older sibling.

Additional Resources

Zero to Three

https://www.zerotothree.org
Offers expert guidance on early childhood development including sibling transitions.

HealthyChildren.org (American Academy of Pediatrics)

https://www.healthychildren.org
Parenting advice from pediatricians on introducing a new sibling and managing behavior changes.

PBS Kids for Parents

https://www.pbs.org/parents                                                          Family routines, emotional support tips, and book recommendations for preparing siblings.

Parenting Science

https://parentingscience.com
Evidence-based parenting articles including research on sibling rivalry and bonding.

Child Mind Institute

https://childmind.org
Mental health resources for families navigating big changes, including the arrival of a new baby.

References

Chen, B. B., Han, W., Wang, Y., Sui, Y., Chen, Z., & Wan, L. (2018). The reaction of firstborn children to a sibling before the birth: the role of the time at which they are told about the mother's pregnancy and their effortful control. Journal of reproductive and infant psychology, 36(2), 158–167. https://doi.org/10.1080/02646838.2018.1437257

Zhang, Q., Wu, W., Sheng, L., Xi, X., Zhou, Y., Wen, Y., & Liu, Q. (2023). Emotional and Behavioral Changes in Preschool Firstborn Children During Transition to Siblinghood: A Mixed Methods Study. Psychology research and behavior management, 16, 2029–2044. https://doi.org/10.2147/PRBM.S411729

Qian, G., Li, R., Qu, F., An, Y., & Guo, X. (2023). The relationship between parental role expectations and sibling jealousy: the mediating effect of first-born children's role cognition. Current psychology (New Brunswick, N.J.), 1–8. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-023-04478-4  

Yakov, P., Levavi, K., Uzefovsky, F., Pike, A., Deater-Deckard, K., Hadar, A., Bar, G., Froimovici, M., & Atzaba-Poria, N. (2025). Firstborn's empathy and the sibling relationship quality: The moderating role of maternal emotional availability. Developmental psychology, 61(4), 691–699. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0001857