Strengthening Relationships Through Goals

By Kari Ure, Extension Assistant Professor

January brings a fresh start and new goals. While many people often think about individual goals, couple and family goals are important too!  Research shows supporting each other in individual goals and working together on couple and family goals strengthens family relationships and improves family function (Klever, 2009).
 
So, how do we succeed with individual, couple, and family goals?  Here are some key points.
 

• Set realistic goals. It can be easy to make unrealistic dreams because of social pressures. Goals focused on personal growth and starting a positive action are more often achieved than goals that are based on how we may appear to others and avoiding a negative action. For example, a goal to increase outdoor trail walking three times per week to lead to better mental and physical health is more likely to be successful than a goal to immediately avoid all desserts for the next six months in an effort to lose 25 pounds to look good for the summer high school reunion. 
• Talk about individual goals with family members. Supporting each other in goals starts with sharing those goals with one another and planning together how to support each other. The support may be listening to the dreams of another family member, helping them plan, supporting them in the steps to achieve their goal, and giving encouragement along the way. 
• Make couple and family goals together. When everyone is part of goal setting there is more unity and commitment to the goals. While goals are meant to stretch us and that often includes work, make sure to include fun goals as well.
• Having patience in setbacks with yourself and family members is crucial. Sharing both success and disappointment builds relationships. Make sure to recognize, reward, and celebrate success along the way.

For a fun way to spend time together and explore goal setting visit www.hiddengems.usu.edu. The family goals guide can be found under Family Fun Out and About Adventure Guides and the couple guide under Date Your Mate Adventure Guides. Both activities are titled, Escape to Nowhere.

References

Kaplan, M., & Maddux, J.E. (2002). Goals and marital satisfaction: Perceived support for personal goals and collective efficacy for collective goals. Journal of Social and Conflict Psychology, 21(2), 157-164.
 
Klever, P. (2009). Goal direction and effectiveness, emotional maturity, and nuclear family functioning. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 35(3), 308-324.
 
Lee, J., & Dai, H. (2017). The motivating effects of temporal landmarks: Evidence from the field and lab. Missouri Law Review, 82(3), 683–693.
 
Oscarsson, M., Carlbring, P., Andersson, G., & Rozental, A. (2020). A large-scale experiment on New Year’s resolutions: Approach-oriented goals are more successful than avoidance-oriented goals. PLoS ONE, 15, 1–13. https://doi-org.dist.lib.usu.edu/10.1371/journal.pone.0234097