Small Connections Matter: How Everyday Interactions Support Well-Being

By Elizabeth Davis, Extension Associate Professor

Do you ever go through an entire day surrounded by people but feel as though you haven’t really connected with anyone? Maybe you ordered lunch through an app, used the self-checkout at the store, or looked at your phone while waiting for an appointment. These conveniences can make life easier, but they can also reduce the small, everyday interactions that help us feel connected.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, restrictions and safety concerns left many people unable to spend time with close friends and family. What may have been more surprising was how much we also missed coworkers, neighbors, familiar store clerks, other parents at school activities, and the people we regularly saw without knowing especially well.

Research conducted during the pandemic found that social networks became smaller and more focused on close relationships, while weaker social ties were more likely to fade. The loss of these connections was also associated with increased feelings of loneliness (Völker, 2023).

Researchers sometimes use the term “weak ties” to describe relationships with acquaintances and other people outside our closest social circle. Although the term may sound dismissive, these relationships can make a meaningful contribution to our lives. A coworker who asks about our weekend, a neighbor who waves when we drive by, or a familiar employee who remembers our name can help us feel recognized and connected to the larger community.

Research suggests that people experience greater happiness and a stronger sense of belonging on days when they interact with more acquaintances than usual (Sandstrom & Dunn, 2014a). Close relationships provide important emotional support and intimacy, but casual connections offer something different. They introduce us to new information and perspectives, provide moments of companionship, and remind us that we are part of a community.

Even very brief interactions can make a difference. In one study, customers were instructed either to make their visit to a coffee shop as efficient as possible or to engage with the barista by smiling, making eye contact, and having a brief conversation. Those who interacted with the barista reported more positive emotions and a greater sense of belonging than those who focused only on completing the transaction efficiently (Sandstrom & Dunn, 2014b).

Similarly, researchers found that commuters who were asked to talk with a stranger had a more positive experience than those who remained disconnected. Interestingly, people generally expected that talking with a stranger would be less pleasant than keeping to themselves, but their actual experiences showed the opposite (Epley & Schroeder, 2014).

Relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman uses the phrase “bids for connection” to describe the small ways people seek one another’s attention or interest. In close relationships, a bid may be a question, an observation, a smile, or an invitation to share an experience. Gottman describes responding positively to these invitations as “turning toward” connection rather than turning away from it (Gottman Institute, 2019).

Although Gottman’s work primarily focuses on couples and families, the idea can also help us recognize opportunities for connection in everyday life. A grocery clerk’s friendly comment, a coworker’s question, or a neighbor’s wave may be a small invitation to connect. When we are distracted, rushed, or focused on our phones, it can be easy to miss these moments.

Modern life often rewards efficiency. We can order groceries without entering a store, attend meetings without leaving home, and fill quiet moments by looking at our phones. These tools are useful, but they can also allow us to move through the day with fewer opportunities to interact with the people around us. Connection does not require giving up convenience, but it may require occasionally looking up and choosing to be present.

Becoming more intentional about everyday connections can begin with simple choices. Put your phone away while checking out at a store. Make eye contact and greet people. Learn and use the names of people you encounter regularly. Ask a genuine question and listen to the answer. Arrive at meetings or community activities a few minutes early so there is time for informal conversation. Visit familiar places where recognition and connection can develop over time.

Being intentional about connection does not mean forcing conversation, oversharing, or making ourselves constantly available. It also does not mean expecting service employees or casual acquaintances to provide emotional support. Healthy connection includes respecting another person’s time and comfort, paying attention to social cues, and allowing an interaction to remain brief. Sometimes turning toward connection simply means acknowledging the person in front of us.

Not every meaningful interaction needs to develop into a close friendship to have value. Casual connections have value of their own. Together, they create a wider network of belonging that complements our closest relationships and helps connect individuals to their communities.

Meaningful connections do not always require a deep conversation or a grand gesture. Sometimes it begins when we put down our phones, look up, and say hello. These moments may be small, but repeated over time, they can help us feel seen, strengthen our sense of belonging, and create more connected communities.

Additional Resources:

• Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation — U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory
• Want to Improve Your Relationship? Start Paying More Attention to Bids — The Gottman Institute

References

Epley, N., & Schroeder, J. (2014). Mistakenly seeking solitude. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143(5), 1980–1999. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0037323

Gottman Institute. (2019). Want to improve your relationship? Start paying more attention to bids. https://www.gottman.com/blog/want-to-improve-your-relationship-start-paying-more-attention-to-bids/

Sandstrom, G. M., & Dunn, E. W. (2014a). Social interactions and well-being: The surprising power of weak ties. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 40(7), 910–922. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167214529799

Sandstrom, G. M., & Dunn, E. W. (2014b). Is efficiency overrated? Minimal social interactions lead to belonging and positive affect. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 5(4), 437–442. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550613502990

Völker, B. (2023). Networks in lockdown: The consequences of COVID-19 for social relationships and feelings of loneliness. Social Networks, 72, 1–12. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socnet.2022.08.001