Relationship Resolutions for the New Year

By Dr. Dave Schramm, Family Life Extension Specialist, Utah State University

As we begin a new year, it’s often a great time to reflect on the previous year and make plans for a hopeful new year ahead. For some, a new year is a great chance to make resolutions and commit to positive changes and growth. The most common resolutions often revolve around improving personal health through diet and exercise. In addition to these promises for improvement, perhaps it is also a great time to make “relationship resolutions” that include commitments to becoming a better spouse or partner.

Consider these tips for becoming better together this next year:

• Commit to more fun and adventure. After years together it is very common for couples to fall into relationship ruts and routines. To counter this, make time to intentionally plan things to do together. Maybe a getaway after the holiday, or setting dates on the calendar to go together or even stay in but doing something fun together. Plan something to look forward to this next year.
• Commit to more connection. Life gets busy and when we get comfortable and casual, we tend to get more critical. To stay connected, commit to minimizing distractions such as time on your phones. Some couples feel more connection when they go to bed at the same time, eat meals together, checking in more frequently throughout the day, expressing appreciation, and more random acts of kindness and expressions of affection and love.
• Commit to more understanding and less conflict. All couples disagree. Happy couples find ways to manage differences in healthy ways. Perhaps it is leaving a few hurtful words left unsaid and being less reactive and more responsive. Or you resolve to give more effort to monitoring your temper, tongue, or tone this upcoming year. Happy couples are also more likely to drop grudges, be more grateful, and be quick to forgive.
• Commit to complete financial fidelity. In today’s world of online bank accounts, and easy ways to pay, such as Venmo and PayPal, it can be tempting to make secretive and sneaky purchases without the knowledge of your partner. But even “sly buys” can break trust and create resentment. Perhaps this upcoming year you consider combining bank accounts, or come clean about credit cards and commit to sitting down together at least once per month to review finances, reconcile accounts, and budget for purchases. When you both know where your money goes, it can create a feeling of peace and openness to more connection.

As you look to the year ahead, in addition to committing to personal improvement, you may consider making relationship resolutions to make your marriage a priority and do more for your partner. Commit to connect. Plan to be more playful. Think to thank. Give your time and attention this upcoming year to what (and who) matters most in your life. It is worth the effort!