What are the love languages of individuals?

By: Intern Laura Woodland and Dr. Dave Schramm

This is a great question to ask. Before jumping into the response for this question, take note that author Gary Chapman’s book, the 5 Love Languages, according to recent research, has been understudied. The knowledge may still be very valuable for couples and may help them increase understanding on how to effectively express appreciation, love, and deepen your connection with each other. 

The 5 Love Languages, according to Chapman are as follows:

1. Words of Affirmation-Sincere compliments mean the most to these individuals. Kind notes, and sincere words of encouragement will strengthen and support 

2. Acts of Service-Those who prefer to receive love through someone’s act of service for them. 

3. Receiving Gifts-These individuals prefer to receive tangible gifts as a token of love. 

4. Quality Time-This love language focuses on being together. When someone values quality time it means he or she values being with those they love. 

5. Physical Touch-These people love hugs and other meaningful forms of touch. This type of touch communicates feelings of warmth, support, and safety.

Individuals may have multiple love languages and they may like to express their love to others in a different way than they like to receive love. Someone who loves to give words of affirmation may also feel uncomfortable receiving compliments. They may prefer to receive love in the form of acts of service or another love language, for example.

A similar idea to love languages, that has been taught by researcher, John Gottman, is the idea of creating Love Maps with your partner. Building a Love Map in a relationship means to learn about your partner’s inner world. How much do you know about your partner’s childhood? Who is their best friend? What is their favorite place to eat? What are their least favorite chores? Those are just a few examples. Building Love Maps is the foundation for Gottman’s theory of The Sound Relationship House and the more you learn about your partner’s love map, the stronger your foundation will be in your relationship. Building love maps is an essential aspect of any friendship or relationship.

Resources

• https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/
• https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-sound-relationship-house-build-love-maps/

References

• Bland, A.M. (2018). The distribution of Chapman’s love language in couples: An exploratory cluster analysis. Couple and Family Psychology, 7 (2), 103-126.
• Gottman, J. & Gottman, J. (2017). The natural principles of love. Journal of Fa