How to Set Healthy Boundaries

By Briella Hatch, Health & Wellness Intern; & Dr Ashley Yaugher, Health & Wellness Faculty

Setting clear and healthy boundaries is important in romantic, family, and friendship relationships. Boundaries can help you create happy, safe, and healthy relationships and may improve your life and the lives of those around you (Katherine, 2000). Boundaries help communicate your own personal comfort levels and how you expect to be treated. They protect and regulate your time, energy, personal being, and wellbeing. Important steps to setting healthy boundaries for relationships include deciding and understanding your own boundaries, communicating your needs and boundaries clearly, learning to say no, and staying consistent. Learn about each step below.

1. Decide and understand your own boundaries
You won't be able to set boundaries if you aren't sure what you want. Understand things about yourself, such as what makes you comfortable or uncomfortable? What are you willing or unwilling to do? What makes you feel respected or loved, and what doesn’t? Self-awareness is an important first step because understanding yourself and your needs makes it easier to communicate them to others and stay consistent with your relationships (Tawwab, 2021). There are many types of boundaries, including physical, intellectual, emotional, intimacy, and more. You can read about 15 types of boundaries, here.
2. Communicate Clearly
Communicate your boundaries and needs respectfully and clearly. Communicating your boundaries helps maintain healthy relationships. When you are comfortable communicating clearly with the other person in the relationship, it can build trust and respect while helping you stand up for yourself (Gilmore, 2025). An example of clear communication would be stating what you “can” do rather than what you cannot. In addition, using phrases like “I do not do things like _____” instead of “I can’t do _____” can clearly communicate a boundary. Learn about healthy boundaries and how to state them clearly, here.
3. Learn to say “no”
While it may be uncomfortable, saying no is an important part of setting and protecting your own boundaries and staying healthy and safe. Being unable to say no may lead to stress and resentment and feeling overwhelmed. It is important to understand that it is okay to say no, especially when it will help to protect you and your wellbeing. While saying no is all about you and your levels of comfort, it is not selfish. Saying no while making sure you are straightforward and honest can be the best thing you can do for yourself and others in your relationships (Cloud & Townsend, 2017). Learn 10 tips on how to say no, here.
4. Stay Consistent
Following through on your boundaries consistently will allow them to work best. This will also show others that you are serious, and your boundaries are important to you and your relationships. Don’t be afraid to act on your boundaries no matter the situation. This may protect you and your mental wellbeing (Chernata, 2024) and keep your relationships healthy. Learn more about how to maintain boundaries, here.

Setting healthy boundaries encourages healthy, balanced, and respectful relationships. Boundaries help maintain healthy relationships and are also helpful in benefiting your own mental wellbeing. Although setting and acting on boundaries may be uncomfortable at first, practicing the skills of deciding what is important to you, communicating, staying consistent, and saying no when necessary, can lead to stronger, safer, and more fulfilling relationships.

Additional Resources:

https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/setting-healthy-boundaries-in-relationships 

https://www.calm.com/blog/how-to-say-no-nicely 

https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/faq/establishing-boundaries-essential-or-selfish 

https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/faq/healthy-partner-relationship-boundaries

References

Chernata, T. Chernata, T. (2024). Personal boundaries: definition, role, and impact on mental health. Personality and environmental issues, 3(1), 24-30. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/379852826_Personal_boundaries_definition_role_and_impact_on_mental_health

Cloud, H., Townsend, J. S., & Townsend, J. (1999). Boundaries: When to say yes, how to say no, to take control of your life. Zondervan. https://jordanwiggins.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/boundaries-by-dr-henry-cloud-and-dr-john-townsend.pdf

Gilmore, L. S. (2025). Communication Skills for Healthier Boundaries: Express Your Needs Without Giving in Or Blowing Up. Zeitgeist. https://books.google.com/books?id=TLg8EQAAQBAJ&lpg=PP8&ots=zlCwRmu8sy&dq=Communication%20Skills%20for%20Healthier%20Boundaries%3A%20Express%20Your%20Needs%20withou&lr&pg=PP8#v=onepage&q=Communication%20Skills%20for%20Healthier%20Boundaries%3A%20Express%20Your%20Needs%20withou&f=false

Katherine, A. (2012). Where to draw the line: How to set healthy boundaries every day. Simon and Schuster. https://books.google.com/books?id=snL7LL02DmoC&lpg=PA9&ots=zuUS0XhUSv&dq=Where%20to%20Draw%20the%20Line%3A%20How%20to%20Set%20Healthy%20Boundaries%20Every%20Day&lr&pg=PA9#v=onepage&q&f=false

Tawwab, N. G. (2021). Set boundaries, find peace: A guide to reclaiming yourself. Penguin. https://books.google.com/books?id=eF0EEAAAQBAJ&lpg=PR13&ots=hSELDBsRVi&dq=Set%20Boundaries%2C%20Find%20Peace%3A%20A%20Guide%20to%20Reclaiming%20Yourself&lr&pg=PR13#v=onepage&q&f=false