Helping Adolescents Adjust to Divorce: Practical Tips for Parents

By Shannon Cromwell, Extension Professor

Adolescence is a time of significant social, emotional, and physical change, and divorce can add feelings of uncertainty, stress, anger, sadness, or confusion as teens are developing their identity, independence, and peer relationships (Krug et al., 2024). While divorce can be difficult, parents can make a meaningful difference in helping teens to adjust by reducing conflict, maintaining supportive relationships, communicating honestly, and providing predictable routines (American Academy of Pediatrics [AAP], 2020; AAP, 2025; D’Onofrio & Emery, 2019).

Teens respond to divorce in many different ways. Some feel caught between parents, worry about future changes, or feel pressure to take on adult responsibilities, such as caring for a parent’s emotions or helping with younger siblings (Krug et al., 2024; Rich et al., 2023). Divorce can also bring feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, grief, or confusion. For some teens, these emotions may be expressed as withdrawal, changes in sleep, difficulty concentrating, struggles at school, testing limits, or risk-taking behaviors (D’Onofrio & Emery, 2019; Tay-Karapas et al., 2024). Some teens may also hide their feelings because they do not want to add to a parent’s stress (Krug et al., 2024; Rich et al., 2023).

These reactions can be normal responses to a major family change. The goal is not to make teens feel “fine” right away, but to help them feel safe, heard, loved, and supported as they adjust (AAP, 2020; Krug et al., 2024).

Tips for Parents

1. Reassure teens the divorce is not their fault

Teens are often reassured by clear, repeated reminders that the divorce is an adult decision and not something they caused or could have prevented. Simple reminders such as “This is not your fault,” “We both love you,” and “You do not need to fix this” can help teens feel more secure and supported (AAP, 2020; AAP, 2025).

2. Keep communication open

Teens may not always want to talk, but they still need to know a parent is available to listen. Asking open-ended questions, listening without immediately trying to fix the problem, and validating their feelings can help them process difficult emotions in a safe way (AAP, 2020; Krug et al., 2024; Tay-Karapas et al., 2024).

3. Avoid putting teens in the middle
Parents can support teens by keeping them out of adult conflict and avoiding situations where they feel responsible for passing messages, choosing sides, hearing criticism about the other parent, or comforting adults through difficult emotions (D’Onofrio & Emery, 2019; Herrero et al., 2023; Krug et al., 2024; Rich et al., 2023).

4. Maintain routines and structure
Predictable routines can help teens feel more stable during a time of change. Keeping school attendance, meals, bedtimes, activities, expectations, and schedules as consistent as possible can reduce stress and support teens’ social, emotional, and academic adjustment (AAP, 2020; AAP, 2025; D’Onofrio & Emery, 2019).

5. Watch for changes in behavior
Some stress is expected, but ongoing changes in mood, sleep, appetite, grades, motivation, friendships, irritability, isolation, risk-taking, substance use, or hopeless comments may signal the need for additional support. School counselors, family therapists, pediatricians, and mental health providers can help families decide what level of support is needed (AAP, 2020; D’Onofrio & Emery, 2019; Krug et al., 2024; Rich et al., 2023).

6. Encourage healthy coping and model emotional balance
Teens benefit from having healthy ways to manage stress and express mixed emotions. Parents can support this by encouraging outlets such as physical activity, hobbies, music, journaling, or creative activities, while also helping teens stay connected to supportive friends, trusted adults, mentors, counselors, or extended family members. It is also helpful for teens to see adults handle emotions responsibly by seeking support from other adults, communicating respectfully, and working through conflict in healthy ways (Herrero et al., 2023; Krug et al., 2024; Rich et al., 2023; Tay-Karapas et al., 2024).

7. Support positive relationships with both parents
Teens often adjust better when they are able to maintain positive relationships with both parents without feeling guilty or disloyal. Encouraging positive communication, following parenting plans, and respecting the teen’s feelings can help reduce loyalty conflicts and strengthen connections with the important adults in their lives (AAP, 2020; AAP, 2025; Krug et al., 2024; Rich et al., 2023).

Divorce is a major family change, and adolescents need time and support as they adjust. Parents can make a meaningful difference through steady, everyday actions such as listening, reducing conflict, keeping routines as consistent as possible, encouraging healthy coping, and helping teens maintain positive relationships with both parents. While the family structure may change, teens can continue to feel loved, secure, and connected when parents remain supportive and consistent.

References

American Academy of Pediatrics. (2020, September 29). How to support children after their parents separate or divorce. HealthyChildren.org. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/emotional-wellness/Building-Resilience/Pages/How-to-Support-Children-after-Parents-Separate-or-Divorce.aspx.

American Academy of Pediatrics. (2025, December 16). Divorce and separation: How to help your child adjust. HealthyChildren.org. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/types-of-families/Pages/Adjusting-to-Divorce.aspx.

D’Onofrio, B., & Emery, R. (2019). Parental divorce or separation and children’s mental health. World Psychiatry, 18(1), 100-101. https://doi.org/10.1002/wps.20590.

Herrero, M., Roca, P., Cormenzana, S., & Martinez-Pampliega, A. (2023). The efficacy of postdivorce intervention programs for children: A meta-analytical review. Family Process, 62(1), 74-93. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12807.

Krug, C., Vaterlaus, J. M., & Routh, B. (2024). Adolescent adjustment to parental marital transitions: Experiences in urban, rural and suburban communities. Family Transitions, 65(3), 199-222. https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2023.2295060.

Rich, E., Butler-Kruger, L., & Roman, N. (2023). Exploring strategies to support adolescent mental health after parental divorce: A scoping review. Youth, 3(1), 428-436. https://doi.org/10.3390/youth3010029.

Tay-Karapas, K., Guzman-Gonzalez, M., Gomez, F., Comino, P., Salaberria, K., & Bahamondes, J. (2024). An attachment-based pilot program to promote adolescent adjustment to parental divorce. Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Mental Health, 18 (Article 44). https://doi.org/10.1186/s13034-024-00729-9.