Healthy Relationships and Dating During Adolescence

By Elizabeth Davis, Extension Associate Professor, and Naomi Brower, Extension Professor

Relationships bring joy and shape a child’s future interactions. Developing social skills during adolescence influences friendships, romantic relationships, school, and work. Parents play a crucial role in modeling healthy relationships and guiding their children through early friendships and romantic attachments.

No relationship is perfect, but healthy relationships share key traits (Lyness, 2017; Youth.gov, n.d.):

Indicators of a Healthy Relationship

• Mutual Respect – Boundaries and privacy are honored.
• Trust – Both parties believe in each other’s integrity.
• Honesty – Openness fosters trust and connection.
• Fairness & Equality – There is a balance of give and take.
• Support – Partners encourage one another in good times and bad.
• Good Communication – Issues are discussed calmly and respectfully.
• Fighting Fair – Disagreements are handled with honesty and without insults.
• Individuality – Each person maintains their own interests and friendships.
• Self-Confidence – Secure individuals respect differing opinions.

Conversely, unhealthy relationships exhibit red flags such as (The University of Alabama, 2021; Youth.gov, n.d.):

Indicators of an Unhealthy Relationship

• Controlling Behavior – One person dominates decisions and isolates the other.
• Criticism & Disrespect – Insults, emotional manipulation, or belittling.
• Dishonesty – Lying, withholding information, or stealing.
• Dependence – Excessive reliance on the other person.
• Intimidation & Hostility – Frequent conflict, fear, or threats.
• Physical or Sexual Violence – Any form of coercion or harm.

Warning Signs for Parents

One in three young people experience an unhealthy relationship. Parents should watch for (Davis, 2019; Reachout, n.d.):

• Sudden secrecy or isolation.
• High stress, anxiety, or depression.
• Extreme changes in appearance or eating habits.
• Loss of interest in hobbies.
• Fear of a friend or partner’s reaction.
• Defending unacceptable behaviors.
• Hiding bruises or unexplained injuries.

If a child is in an unhealthy relationship, it can be difficult to intervene. Instead of forcing a solution, provide guidance and open communication.

Supporting Healthy Relationships

Parents can help their children develop strong relationship skills by:

• Keeping Communication Open – Talk about friendships and listen more than you speak.
• Clarifying Relationship Terms – Discuss what dating, hanging out, or hooking up mean.
• Discussing Relationship Readiness – Conversations about one-on-one dating should happen before it begins. Pediatricians often recommend waiting until at least 16 (Grow Web MD 2021).
• Modeling Healthy Relationships – Demonstrating respect, boundaries, and problem-solving at home teaches children what to expect in their own relationships.
• Helping Set Boundaries – Guide adolescents in establishing and maintaining healthy limits.

Balancing concern for safety with allowing autonomy can be difficult. Parents can support their child’s independence while ensuring their well-being by:

• Providing transportation to activities.
• Encouraging group outings.
• Ensuring adult supervision.
• Meeting their child’s friends and their parents.

Early conversations about relationships help preteens navigate friendships and dating in a healthy way. By fostering open dialogue and setting positive examples, parents can guide their children toward strong, respectful relationships.

References

Davis, L. (2019). 10 signs your teen is in an unhealthy relationship. Family Resources. https://familyresourcesinc.org/2019/01/signs-teen-unhealthy-relationship/

Lyness, D. (2017). Am I in a healthy relationship? TeenHealth from Nemours. https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/healthy-relationship.html

Reachout (n.d.) How to recognize unhealthy relationships. Reachoutwny.org. https://d1qbemlbhjecig.cloudfront.net/prod/filer_public/reachoutwny/PDF/e88e51b4f6_ReachOut_HelpYourDaughterOrSon.pdf

The University of Alabama (2021). Healthy vs. unhealthy relationships. Division of Student Life Counseling Center. https://counseling.sa.ua.edu/resources/healthy-vs-unhealthy-relationships/

Grow by WebMD (2021). When can a teenager start dating? https://www.webmd.com/parenting/when-can-teenager-start-dating#1

Youth.gov. (n.d.) Characteristics of healthy & unhealthy relationships. https://youth.gov/youth-topics/teen-dating-violence/characteristics