How We Can Thrive as a Parent by Ditching the Guilt & Embracing Self-Care

By Cadence Johnnie, Health & Wellness Intern; and Ashley Yaugher, PhD, Health & Wellness Faculty

As a parent, much of our time is dedicated to caring for our children. We can easily neglect our own needs when prioritizing our children's care. However, making time for ourselves matters just as much as tending to others because neglecting to do so can contribute to parental burnout (Mikolajczak et al., 2019). If implementing self-care into life feels overwhelming or there are feelings of guilt for stepping away from the kids, know that you are not alone (Milburn, 2019; Robinson & Smith, 2025). Unrealistic parenting expectations, work stress, and parenting culture can all influence parenting guilt or burnout (Romanoff, 2022). The good news is we can learn ways to cope with guilt or burnout (Milburn, 2019). 

One way to help combat the stressors of parenthood is through self-care. Self-care means practicing activities that support our bodies and mind to help relieve stress and strengthen our health (National Institute of Mental Health [NIMH], n.d.). By caring for ourselves, we are strengthening our well-being and ultimately helping to ensure that we are the best version of ourselves for both us and our children (Chaplin et al., 2021; Coatsworth et al., 2010).

Engaging in self-care can increase our ability to care for children. For example, activities such as mindfulness can help with emotional regulation. When there is a disagreement between us and our child, we can make more thoughtful choices because we feel less stressed. Self-care also leads to better emotional awareness and greater sensitivity to our child's emotions. As a result, we may feel more compassion towards our children, strengthening the parent-child bond (Chaplin et al., 2021; Coatsworth et al., 2010). 

Here are six ways to begin learning self-care while leaving parenting guilt behind:

1. Start small: Spending time caring for ourselves does not have to be an entire day's worth of activities. Activities such as staying hydrated, reading, or engaging in a new hobby for a couple of minutes during a child's nap or school time are effective ways to incorporate self-care into a busy schedule (NIMH, n.d.). Sometimes, even spending a little time with friends or family can lessen the negative impacts of stress on our lives (Ikeda & Kawachi, 2010).
2. Build up over time: Self-care is not one-size-fits-all, but we can build healthy habits that work for us in times of need. Tools like journaling, yoga, exercise, and even laughing can all be acts of self-care (Robinson & Smith, 2025).
3. Schedule into a calendar: Set aside time daily to focus on ourselves. Do things that bring joy and happiness. Scheduling things out can help balance the things we value, our children, and caring for ourselves. Commit to the times for each activity and self-care (Romanoff, 2022).
4. Avoid Comparisons: Avoid comparing parenting journey to others. Each parenting experience is different from that of other parents, and comparison only adds unnecessary pressure to our lives (Romanoff, 2022).
5. Practice Self-Compassion: Self-Compassion means recognizing that we have struggled, failed, or had difficulty with something, and then being kind to ourselves and leaving out harsh self-judgment. Act the same towards ourselves as we would toward a close friend. Value what we have done to fix our shortcomings and appreciate our willingness to change (Hoang, 2024).
6. Practice Self-Forgiveness: Self-forgiveness is a process where we acknowledge what we felt or did that was not in line with our intentions, without judgment, and allow ourselves space to experience and process those emotions. Then, we can let go of the negative feelings, find motivation to change, and move forward on a better path (Wohl et al., 2010).

Life can be busy, but it is important to take time for ourselves. Learning how to balance parenting and a positive relationship with ourselves is key to living a less stressful life while having a healthier relationship with our children. Start incorporating small self-care exercises into daily life and gradually increase what works for you (remember, self-care is not one-size-fits-all). Practicing self-compassion and self-forgiveness are powerful ways to reduce guilt while taking care of ourselves as parents (Milburn, 2019; Wohl et al., 2010).

Additional Resources

• Becoming a Better Parent Through Self-Care: https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/faq/becoming-a-better-parent-through-self-care
• Making Time for Self-Care: https://extension.usu.edu/healthwellness/physical/making-time-for-self-care
• Why is Self-Care Important: https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/faq/self-care
• How Caregivers Can Support Themselves: https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/faq/how-caregivers-can-support-themselves
• Cultivating Self-Compassion to Improve Mental Health: https://extension.usu.edu/mentalhealth/articles/cultivating-self-compassion-to-improve-mental-health

References

Chaplin, T. M., Turpyn, C. C., Fischer, S., Martelli, A. M., Ross, C. E., Leichtweis, R. N., Miller, A. B., & Sinha, R. (2021). Parenting-focused mindfulness intervention reduces stress and improves parenting in highly stressed mothers of adolescents. Mindfulness, 12(2), 450–462. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-018-1026-9

Coatsworth, J. D., Duncan, L. G., Greenberg, M. T., & Nix, R. L. (2010). Changing parent’s mindfulness, child management skills and relationship quality with their youth: Results from a randomized pilot intervention trial. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 19(2), 203–217. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-009-9304-8

Hoang, G. (2024, January 29). How to let go of guilt. Council for Relationships. https://councilforrelationships.org/how-to-let-go-of-guilt/

Ikeda, A., & Kawachi, I. (2010). Social networks and health. In A. Steptoe (Ed.), Handbook of behavioral medicine (pp. 273–287). Springer. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-0-387-09488-5_18

Mikolajczak, M., Gross, J. J., & Roskam, I. (2019). Parental burnout: What is it, and why does it matter? Clinical Psychological Science, 7(6), 1319–1329. https://doi.org/10.1177/2167702619858430

Milburn, J. (2019, March 30). Let go of guilt…. and do this instead. Responsive Parenting. https://responsiveparentingblog.com/2019/03/30/let-go-of-guilt-and-do-this-instead/

National Institute of Mental Health. (n.d.). Caring for your mental health. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/caring-for-your-mental-health

Robinson, L., & Smith, M. (2025, April). Stress management: Techniques to deal with stress. HelpGuide. https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/stress/stress-management

Romanoff, S. (2022, October 4). Are you dealing with parent guilt? Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/parent-guilt-causes-characteristics-and-coping-strategies-6746224

Wohl, M. J. A., Pychyl, T. A., & Bennett, S. H. (2010). I forgive myself, now I can study: How self-forgiveness for procrastinating can reduce future procrastination. Personality and Individual Differences, 48(7), 803-808. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2010.01.029