Communication that Works: 3 Skills for a Stronger Couple Relationship

By Amanda Holverson, Student Intern and Naomi Brower, Extension Professor

When it comes to relationships, communication is like glue that can either hold things together or allow them to fall apart. Creating healthy communication patterns is vital for relationships to flourish, while poor communication is a leading cause of dissatisfaction in relationships (Swartz, 2024). While there are many aspects of healthy communication, three key areas include the use of “I statements,” tone and body language, and active listening. Improving your skills in these areas can enhance overall relationship satisfaction (Kucukkoseler & Aydin, 2025).

Sharing how you feel can be difficult, especially during conflict. In tense moments, using “I statements” helps you express your feelings clearly while reducing the chance of escalating conflict. Instead of saying things such as “You always forget to clean up” or “You never do the dishes,” try using “I statements” to communicate your feelings more effectively. Practice beginning your sentences with phrases such as, “I feel ___ when…,” “I think ___…,” or, “I want ___.”

Communication is more than just words; your tone and body language also send strong signals. Choosing a positive tone fosters positive interactions with your partner, and a negative tone can just as easily create tension. Imagine how your partner might feel if you say, “I love you,” in a sarcastic or annoyed tone. Even if the words are sincere, your partner may only register the tone and feel hurt or confused. One way to improve is to rehearse your tone before speaking, either silently in your head or out loud.

The same is true for body language. Positive body language can include smiling, making eye contact, facing your partner directly, leaning in, or offering a gentle touch on the hand. These small, intentional cues show your partner that you are fully engaged (Segal et al., 2025).

Another key to healthy communication is active listening. Active listening is the practice of fully focusing on and understanding what someone is saying by giving your attention, reflecting back, and responding thoughtfully. Consider your efforts to truly understand what your partner is saying.

• Do you show that you are making an effort to understand by paraphrasing their words?
• Do you seek clarity by asking if you have understood correctly?
• Do you put aside your own emotions while seeking clarity?

By calming your emotions, asking open-ended questions such as “How did that make you feel?” and empathizing with your partner by reflecting their feelings, you encourage an open communication style that allows your relationship to flourish (Szekely, 2024).

Poor communication doesn’t have to end your relationship, but healthy communication can be the glue that holds it together.  By practicing these small but mighty skills, you can increase positive communication in your most important relationships. Consistent, constructive conversations help build the foundation for a stronger, more connected partnership.

For more information about healthy communication check out these resources: 

• Body language/nonverbal communication: https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/communication/nonverbal-communication
• I-statements and active listening: https://www.thecouplescenter.org/the-two-most-important-relationship-skills/

References

Küçükköseler, A. D., & Aydin, A. (2025) Predicting the satisfaction of psychological needs in married individuals. Psychological Reports, 332941251347223. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/40461022/

Segal, J., Smith, M., Robinson, L., & Boose, G. (2025). Body language and nonverbal communication: Communicating without words. HelpGuide.org. https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/communication/nonverbal-communication

Swartz, N. (2024, September 27). Understanding relationship problems: Common causes, how to fix them, and when to seek help. Reach Behavioral Health. https://reachbh.org/relationship-problems/

Szekely, G. (2024, January 11). The two most important relationship skills. The Couples Center: Love That Lasts. https://www.thecouplescenter.org/the-two-most-important-relationship-skills/