Aspects of Temperament and Parenting Strategies

By Lisa Schainker, Extension Assistant Professor and Shayla Donley, Project Coordinator

Have you ever wondered what determines how we handle emotions, manage our behaviors, and adapt to new situations? These inborn tendencies or traits are what is called our temperament. Our temperament is basically how we respond to the world around us. For example, some babies are extremely easy-going while others are fussy and easily upset, some children have trouble sitting still while others can stay in one place for a long time doing an activity they enjoy, and some adults have trouble with shyness. Scientists have estimated that around 20-60% of our temperament is determined by our genes (Medline Plus, 2020) and for the most part, these tendencies stick with us across our lives. This means that when it comes to parenting, understanding your child’s temperament can provide important insight into what strategies might work better than others.

According to researchers (Thomas & Chess, 1977), there are nine primary temperament traits:

Activity Level	Regularity/Routines	Adaptability
Intensity of Responses	Mood	Distractibility
Persistence with a Task	Sensory Threshold	Response to New Things

As you may have guessed, each child will land somewhere on a continuum for each trait. Once we identify where our children fall along each trait, it can help us understand why they respond and act the way they do and how to parent them more effectively. For example, children high on activity may need to constantly be reminded to sit and stop moving whereas a child with a low activity level may need to be encouraged to go out to play or be active. A child high on adaptability may seem more flexible and able to “go with the flow,” while those lower on this trait are going to be resistant to change. A child who is highly distractable is probably going to have a hard time focusing and may need more help with staying on task than a child who is low on this trait. These are just some examples of how a child’s temperament influences their behaviors. You can learn more about how to assess your child’s temperament here.

Trying to raise a child with a difficult combination of temperamental traits can be frustrating, and for some parents may rise to the level of becoming overwhelming. Parents that try to change their child’s natural tendencies are in for an uphill battle. Instead of focusing on trying to change them, consider the following ways to manage these tendencies.

1. Describe aspects of their temperament in positive terms.
   • For example, instead of thinking of a highly active child as “hyper,” you can think of them as being “high-energy” or “spirited,” so that the child isn’t made to feel ashamed or bad about their natural energy level.
2. Learn how to redirect certain behaviors that are influenced by their temperament.
   • If a child has a difficult time switching tasks because they are low on adaptability, you may need to manage this by giving them several reminders with minutes until they will be changing tasks (e.g., at 5 minutes, 2 minutes, 1 minute), so the switching of tasks doesn’t seem so abrupt when you tell them it’s time.
   • For children that tend to have big reactions and strong emotions, teach them ways to appropriately express their feelings with words or work through them with a physical action such as pushing on the wall or taking deep breaths.
3. Become more aware of your own temperament.
   • When you understand how your tendencies influence how you interact with your child and how the two of you are similar or different in each aspect of temperament, you may start to develop more empathy for them and approach your parenting differently.
4. Find ways to turn their natural tendencies into strengths and help them find ways to strengthen areas that might not come as naturally to them.
   • For example, if they are high on activity, give them more physical tasks to complete so they can use their energy and feel good about being energetic.
   • If they are shy and struggle with new people, don’t make a big deal about it, instead create opportunities for them to meet new people and practice role playing ahead of time so they feel more prepared for the situation.

Finally, remember that we are all unique and our temperament is one of the key facets of what makes us who we are. Instead of shaming our children or making them feel bad about how they are, parents should teach them strategies to help manage their challenge areas and try to help them learn how to turn their traits into assets that will help them succeed in life.

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