100: How Resilience Makes Marriage Last
Podcast Guest: Christian and Caroline Heim
September 30th, 2024
Listen to the Show:
In this Episode
In this episode of Stronger Marriage Connection, Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale welcome renowned marriage experts, Dr. Christian Heim and Dr. Caroline Heim, from Australia. They discuss insights from the largest global study on long-term relationships, revealing the key elements that make marriages last. The conversation highlights the importance of commitment, altruism, and shared values while addressing the challenges of hyper-individualism, social isolation, and mental health struggles. Whether you're single, married, or in a long-term relationship, this episode offers invaluable tools and perspectives to strengthen your relationship.
"The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission."
Time Markers
00:00 - Introducing the Heims
02:31 - The Heims’ background and research
04:36 - Study overview and participant demographics
07:00 - The top three secrets of long-lasting marriages
13:55 - Contextualizing the study for today’s challenges
16:55 - Hyper-individualism and its effects
21:47 - Relationship between mental health and marriage
25:15 - Key techniques for resilient relationships
29:31 - Unique techniques couples can use
32:40 - Listening and seeing partner’s point of view
35:39 - Dancing each other’s steps for empathy
44:21 - Takeaway of the day: altruism
47:25 - Importance of investing in your relationship
Insights
Caroline's
I'd say probably, is altruism, our second finding. Because, as I said, it's not much in the literature. And these couples that put the others needs before there's I could see that they had, again, this strong connection. And. So as we said, it's hard to do that in a in a society that says that everything's got to be about me, and it's about my needs, and if I'm not getting what I want from this relationship, then I'm out of here. But as one, as many of the couples actually said it's much easier to walk away and then to stay and fight for your marriage, you and me against the world, basically.
Christian’s
It doesn't matter how you do it. There are different ways to do things however your relationship works, is the way that your relationship works. Don't feel that you've got to find a formula, but the key to me is that your relationship is your greatest asset, and that means that it'll take some nurturing, it'll take some investment, it'll take time, energy and effort, but gosh, it's worthwhile.
Liz’s
You know what I'm really happy to hear Caroline and Christian say is that has benefited their marriage, because this five year study, I doubt there was a lot of income they were getting from this study. There was a lot of giving and listening and noting, and so I'm so pleased that there was this flip effect of blessing your own marriage. Really happy to hear that for you and another takeaway, I mean, one of my favorite events with the recent Olympic Olympics was synchronized diving, and I never thought about it to go for the gold. That the more difficult, the more points, the more opportunity for gold. I thought that was just brilliant.
Dave's
At so many levels, I love this idea of, I'll call it search inward, turn outward. That's how I like to think of this searching or what are my values and what are our values, and then turning outward with that altruism and how, what can I do for my spouse or my partner today to make their day better? It's this outward mindset, really, of thinking about the we rather than the me. I haven't heard that term hyper individualism, but man, I think that's, that's spot on. I feel like that's like the number one killer in relationships today.
Christian and Caroline Heim’s Resources:
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Strongermarriage.org
Podcast.stongermarriage.org
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/
Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/
Dr. Dave Schramm:
Dr. Liz Hale: