098: Overcoming the Trauma of Betrayal
Podcast Guest: Crystal Hollenbeck
September 16th, 2024
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In this Episode
In this episode of the Stronger Marriage Connection, Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale welcome betrayal trauma expert Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck to discuss the emotional complexities and recovery strategies for betrayal trauma. The conversation dives into the impact of betrayal, particularly the intense anger experienced by the betrayed partner, and how to navigate the healing process. Dr. Hollenbeck outlines therapeutic techniques, including her self-regulation model, and discusses why many partners remain in relationships post-betrayal. This episode is filled with practical advice, research-backed insights, and hope for those struggling to overcome the devastating effects of betrayal in relationships.
"The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission."
Time Markers
00:03 - Introduction to betrayal trauma
01:15 - Welcoming Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck
02:34 - Crystal’s journey into betrayal trauma therapy
03:46 - Betrayal trauma as a deeper wound
04:51 - Real-life betrayal experience
06:10 - The shift in professional views on betrayal
07:48 - Addressing anger in betrayal trauma
08:12 - Therapy approaches for managing anger
11:14 - The importance of self-care
11:55 - Rebuilding trust after betrayal
14:47 - Dealing with triggers and healing timelines
16:33 - Managing triggers and validating feelings
17:02 - What to expect from therapy
21:09 - Message to betrayed partners
24:07 - The impact on mental and emotional health
26:47 - How to manage intense anger
29:45 - The danger of premature couples therapy
31:16 - Crystal’s upcoming book on betrayal trauma
33:00 - Key to a stronger marriage: transparency
33:43 - Takeaway of the day: betrayal is a devastating injustice
Insights
Crystal’s:
Betrayal is a devastating injustice. And although you're going to feel like you're crazy, you're not crazy, you're angry and you should be
Dave’s:
I think the take home for me, at least one of the many, is that avoiding that self-blame, it's that all of a sudden that inward right and anger, anger turns this inward, and then it's some of this, you know, maybe outward at first, but then it's this inward of what? What did I do? Am I not skinny enough? Why? Why did they do kind of searching for the why and then blaming themselves for this? I love that message.
Liz’s:
I've never heard the great advice around self-harm regarding using an ice cube, rubber band, rubber band, I've heard, but Ice Cube I haven't. I really love both of those, actually. So, thank you for that. Because as I get that, I get that you're just trying to use access to physical pain to release the emotional pain. Makes perfect sense, actually, but harmful. We're just continuing the on the harm, so we have to stop, and I really appreciate you bringing that to our attention.
About Podcast guest:
Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck is a Betrayal Trauma Specialist and helps couples heal the wounds of betrayal trauma. Her article recently published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy provides recommendations for clinicians to help betrayed partners manage the complexity of betrayal trauma anger. Her book entitled, "Betrayal Trauma Anger: You are not crazy, you are angry, and you should be" is coming soon.
Crystal is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and a Florida State Qualified Supervisor for those seeking a license in Mental Health Counseling or Marriage and Family Therapy. In addition, she is also a Certified Professional Life Coach. Being a Therapist and a Life Coach gives her the unique ability to help clients heal from the past and live their best life today. Her approach to counseling and coaching is non-judgmental, caring, and solution focused. She believes counseling and coaching are an essential part of a person’s ability to live the life they desire and she strives to provide a counseling setting where you can feel safe to work through the difficulty you are facing with hope. Dedicating her life to helping others as a therapist and coach is a result of post traumatic growth from her own personal life experiences.
Crystal Hollenbeck’s Resources:
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