The Benefits of Taking a Romantic Relationship Assessment
If you are unfamiliar with the term "relationship assessment," you are not alone. Unlike fashion and personality quizzes that you find in popular magazines or take on your smartphone, relationship assessments are “quizzes” taken with your romantic partner. Results from these assessments are rich in data and are deliberately designed to provide insights into your relationship connection as well as to encourage self-examination and partner communication.
The takeaway from these assessments is not just to understand likely strengths and potential weaknesses in your relationship and then leave it at that. Instead, they are meant to stimulate positive change—to cultivate mutual understanding and strengthen the foundation of your relationship. And, according to research, good relationship assessments are successful in this goal. While there are several good reasons to take a relationship assessment, here are three that you might find particularly beneficial:
- Mutual Understanding
In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, prominent relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman argues that most marital arguments cannot be fully resolved, just skillfully managed. This is due to fundamental and unchangeable differences between individuals like personality, values, or lifestyle. “Couples spend year after year trying to change each other’s mind—but it can’t be done... By fighting over these differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and harming their marriage.” (Gottman, 28) This is why it is critical for partners to take the time to understand one another’s personalities, value systems, attitudes and beliefs, and histories. Relationship assessments are a great tool to help us do this. With a deeper understanding of your partner, you will be able to build a more successful relationship together.
- Richer Communication
Anyone will tell you that communication is key for healthy relationships, so failing to do a good job at it is a fast track to disconnection and relationship breakdown. A relationship assessment is designed to encourage both partners to share their thoughts, feelings, and needs explicitly in a constructive manner so they can have deeper and more meaningful conversations. This will lead both of you to better understand, not just how you communicate, but why you communicate the way you do, and how you can connect to each other better.
- Highlighting Strengths
Relationship assessments are not only valuable for identifying areas where growth may be needed; they also bring to light the unique strengths that each partner contributes to the relationship. Through the results of a relationship assessment, partners are given the opportunity to appreciate these assets more intentionally. Recognizing strengths can reinforce positive dynamics and build a sense of appreciation between partners, reminding them of the aspects of their relationship that are already working well. With this insight, couples are not only able to lean into their strengths but also use them as a foundation to support any necessary improvements. As a result, the process of assessing and highlighting strengths can add a renewed sense of purpose and positivity, helping couples feel confident in the aspects of their relationship that are strong and resilient.
Conclusion
All relationships require effort and are a work in progress. For a romantic relationship to thrive, both parties must work on themselves and the relationship. A relationship assessment is a powerful tool to help you and your partner create healthy, fulfilling connections by leading you toward mutual understanding, strengthening your communication, and helping you recognize and celebrate your strengths. Utilizing this tool will help you see areas for personal and couple growth and improvement, and will enable you to move toward continued self-discovery, mutual understanding, and a lasting bond.
The Utah Marriage Commission offers couples access to the world's most researched and evaluated relationship assessment tool, called RELATE. With over 40 years of research, RELATE continues to be the best resource for couples to evaluate and gain a better understanding of their relationships. And it’s completely FREE! It's the Utah Marriage Commission's way of saying “thank you” for your decision to work on your relationship and not just let it slide; to build and maintain a healthy relationship and a stronger marriage. We hope you and your partner find it useful!
Here is the link to the RELATE assessment
https://extension.usu.edu/strongermarriage/relate-assessment