Overcoming Red Flags and Conflict In Your Marriage
Finding yourself overwhelmed, noticing “red flags” you never saw before, or feeling less in love than you did at the start of your relationship are undesirable thoughts and feelings, yet can be normal as you move out of the “honeymoon” phase of your relationship. Oftentimes in new relationships, we become enamored with our partner. Without even noticing, we can blindly be flooding them with love. When an individual love floods their partner they are acting out of their new strong feelings for them. This can overwhelm the receiving partner and blind the love-flooding partner where they might not see red flags they otherwise would.
Overcoming Love Flooding in New Relationships
The key to preventing love flooding can be found by taking a break to gather and understand your emotions before you act on them. At the beginning of your relationship when everything is new and exciting and you just want to be around your partner all the time, do not forget to take time for yourself. Taking alone time or being around friends that can give third-party advice gives you opportunities to think rationally about your relationship despite the love-struck emotions you may be feeling. This can help prevent your partner from feeling overwhelmed and can allow you the ability to notice any “red flags” earlier rather than following your love blindly.
Love Flooding in Conflict
Love flooding can also be seen during conflict between partners. When an individual feels threatened by where they stand in the relationship they often are unexpectedly overwhelmed with fear, sadness, and anger. As strong emotions rise in a disagreement it is common to act upon those emotions poorly. Yelling, blaming, and dumping all your stress onto your partner while trying to resolve conflict will only make the disagreement seem impossible to resolve. This can be disorganized, and overwhelming, leading to feelings of helplessness in the relationship. Love flooding sets a relationship up for a lack of productive communication.
Productive Conflict
During conflict love flooding can best be avoided by taking breaks when feeling emotionally overwhelmed and coming back to the conversation when you're able to logically
convey what you need to tell your partner as well as logically respond to what your partner needs to say. Having an “I need to leave” signal can help a partner walk away from the conversation in a healthy way because it allows the other partner to understand they are walking away to prevent further destruction and to gather their thoughts and emotions.
Communication is Key
Love flooding, although it may sound appealing, is a dangerous game when it comes to real life. Overwhelming your partner and being blind to areas of your relationship that need to be addressed does not help your relationship become stronger. Communication is a key element in making a marriage last and love flooding diminishes your partner's willingness to communicate. Creating a safe space for both you and your partner to address conflict can allow for your marriage to strengthen and develop as you gain the ability to overcome hard trials together. As couples take time to understand what they are feeling and how they can effectively portray themselves to their partner, they grow more comfortable overcoming conflict together.
More Information
Relationships can be overwhelming, and so can finding reliable resources on the internet. The Utah Marriage Commission has evidence-based resources like podcasts, blogs, and classes made for you. Visit Strongermarriage.com for further information on ways you can improve communication and decrease the love flooding in your relationships.