Lower Libido in Aging Romantic Relationships:  
The Importance of Communication

Worried that when you get older you won’t enjoy the sexy things of life? People tend to fear aging and all the change that comes along with it. One of the big concerns is being less sexually active. Most young people assume that older people don’t have sex; it’s a common myth. But just because older folks are more seasoned in life, doesn’t mean they lose interest in the spicy things of life!  

We are constantly growing and experiencing changes. Some changes are big, like when young girls get their period. And some can be less dramatic, like a boy sprouting his first facial hair. These changes happened to you earlier in life and you will continue experiencing physical changes later on in life. One of things that can change as people age is their libido. It’s a natural part of life for the sex drive to decelerate as we age. But with every change our bodies go through, we seem to find a way to work with those changes. Why would our sexual experiences be any different? Let’s talk about libido.  

What is libido? Libido is our natural sexual desire. When we get older, there is a good chance we will experience a decrease in libido (although people differ in how much). When libido is low, sex tends not to happen as often. And as a result, tension can creep into the relationship. In one study, older women strongly viewed sex as the ultimate connection in a romantic relationship that brings an emotional closeness. I think most of us feel that way, or at least I’d hope so. When there is a period of no sex, spouses or partners tend to feel isolated and disconnected to each other. Because sex has played an important role in bringing emotional closeness to the relationship, a time of no sex makes us feel distant. Research shows that it results in lower communication and higher degrees of irritability – hence, tension emerging between partners. The reduction or absence of sex demonstrates that sex still affects relationships in later life.  

Communication is essential in any romantic relationship, but especially crucial when one or the other is experiencing low levels of libido. With people constantly changing, it’s important to communicate these natural changes that affect our relationships. Yes, it can be embarrassing, and most people won’t want to talk about such personal matters as their own sexuality. But stretching to feel comfortable enough to talk about your sexual desires – or lack thereof – with your spouse or partner will open the gateway towards a more satisfactory and healthy relationship.  

If you’re like most people in the world, communication doesn’t come easily, especially on the subject of sexuality. It can be uncomfortable and awkward even for couples who have been together for decades, but it’s necessary for any relationship. Couples seem to shy away from talking about why they aren’t having sex and assume there’s not enough time or it just didn’t happen. Yes, that’s true. But there are other reasons too, especially as we age. Some people (especially women) have a lower sex drive because of poor body image due to aging bodies that don’t match the sexy ideal. Some aging people just have a chemical imbalance that limits the production of hormones for a normal libido.  

There are a variety of elements that play into libido levels, and maybe you’ve looked towards medical help. (My next blog will dive deeper into other straightforward fixes.) Still, a lot can be resolved by just communicating more openly with your partner; it’s still the most important fix. Healthy and open communication between partners will enhance feelings of love, safety, and connection. This is where libido can thrive. In most cases, libido has less to do with a sex toy and more with being connected to your partner. It may be hard at first, but it is worth it. Here are some pointers on how to have this conversation.  

So don’t fret. No matter how old you are there are ways to enjoy the sexy things in life because good sex is more about emotional connection than physical pleasure. And emotions are even deeper and richer in later life!  

Youri Choi is the primary author of this blog.