Love Under Pressure: Managing Stress as a Couple
I’ve always been a worrier. In fact, I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have something stressful on my mind. The sad truth is that in today’s world of constant commotion, you don’t have to look far to find something to worry about. Simple stressors like school and work deadlines are compounded with large life transitions including moving to a different city, starting a new job, facing financial struggles, or enduring a global pandemic.
Why Stress Affects Your Relationship
When faced with new challenges, you may feel less satisfied with your relationship with your spouse or partner. You are not alone in feeling this way! A recent study showed that many couples experienced a decrease in relationship satisfaction at the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic even though they were spending more time together. Stressful events can absorb your mental energy. If you are spending time worrying about a current issue or an upcoming transition, you will have less energy to invest in your relationship. Your stress may keep you from connecting to and communicating with your partner.
How to Manage Stress Together as a Couple
So how do you keep stress from straining your relationship? The key is to take on a team mentality during difficult times. Instead of turning away from your partner and handling the hard times on your own, try turning towards them and seeking support. Research has found that couples who work as a team to manage stressful events experience significantly higher levels of relationship satisfaction.
Working as a team is easier said than done. Consider a football team: each player has unique roles and responsibilities that contribute to the success of the team as a whole. The offense and defense work on opposite, yet complementing, sides of the field. One cannot complete or succeed at their task without the support and success of the other.
Practical Tips for Strengthening Your Relationship During Stressful Times
Tackle challenges with clear communication. The head coach plays a vital role in the team’s success by clearly indicating which play the quarterback will run. Similarly, you are more likely to be successful in your marriage if you strive for clear communication with your partner. Be open and honest with your partner about how you are feeling and what you need from them. If you are feeling overwhelmed, tell them. If you need extra support, ask for it. Your partner cannot read your mind.
In addition to sharing your feelings with your spouse or partner, seek to understand their experiences. When you are both experiencing high levels of stress, you should be willing to offer additional support in order to see your team succeed. You can lighten your partner’s load by trying to understand their perspective. You do not need to ignore your own needs, but you can make space for empathy and understanding in your relationship by temporarily setting your worries aside to support your spouse. If you support your partner and your partner supports you, you can both have a lighter load and tackle the difficulties together.
Ways to Prioritize Connection Amid Stress
Make time to reconnect. You can strengthen your team mentality by spending time together. You may find it helpful to set aside designated "stress-free" time. This could be a weekly date night, a weekend getaway, or even just a few minutes each day to check in with each other and connect. During these times, make a conscious effort to put aside your worries and focus on each other. Talk about things that bring you joy, reminisce about happy memories, or just enjoy each other's company without any distractions.
Serve your partner. Little acts of kindness can go a long way in strengthening your bond. Make an effort to extend support to your partner, especially during stressful times. Try taking over dinner responsibilities, leaving encouraging notes on your partner’s desk or mirror, or entertaining your kids outside of the house for a few hours to give your spouse some time to recharge. These small and simple actions can have big outcomes on your ability to survive stressful times as a couple.
Why Stress Doesn’t Have to Be a Bad Thing for Your Relationship
I know firsthand how easy it is to become overwhelmed by the many challenges you face. But stressful times are nothing to be afraid of! In fact, good research shows that low-impact events can actually increase relationship satisfaction. Low-impact events are daily occurrences that contribute to your stress in relatively minor ways. Examples include stressors associated with raising children, finances, and miscommunication.
Don’t shy away from stressful situations or let conflict breed anxiety in your relationship. Hard times have the ability to make relationships stronger.
When to Seek Help for Your Relationship
If you and your partner are already relying on each other for support and still feel like your hardships are taking a toll on your relationship, you may benefit from seeking outside help. Having someone else to talk to can provide a much-needed outlet for pent-up stress. A couple’s therapist can help you sort through heavy emotions and give you additional tips for working together as a couple to tackle challenges.
Conclusion: Weathering Life’s Challenges as a Stronger Couple
Maintaining relationship satisfaction through stressful life events is all about communication, empathy, and finding ways to prioritize your connection with each other. With a little effort and a lot of love, you can weather any storm and come out to the other side with a stronger, more fulfilling relationship than ever before.
Lauren Church was the primary author of this blog.