Is There a “Best” Age to Marry?
Jack and Jill fell in love on their many walks up the nearby hill, and now their thoughts are turning naturally to a future together (despite Jack’s head injuries from a recent fall down the hill). But Jack is 23 years old, and Jill is only 22. Is it too early to marry? Jill’s parents are discouraging her to marry “so young.” Jack’s parents are supportive, but let him know that if he marries now, their financial support for him will wane.
Is there a best age to marry for the first time? One that maximizes your chances of marital happiness and minimizes your odds of divorce?
What the Data Says About the Best Age to Marry
Looking at the demographics of marriage these days, it would seem that young adults have decided that it’s best to wait to marry. The average age of marriage now in the United States is about 30 for men and almost 29 for women.
But when couples marry for the first time these days may not reflect well their ideas about the best age to marry. Actually, a recent poll by the prestigious Pew Research Center finds that half of all American adults think that there is no best age to marry. For those who do give a "best age," the most common response is 25-29 (23%). About equal numbers said that ages 20-24 (9%) and 30-34 (11%) is best.
What Americans Think: Is There a “Right” Time to Marry?
Researchers Brian Willoughby and Spencer James at Brigham Young University have studied and interviewed contemporary young adults and asked them about the ideal age to marry. They too found that a large majority don’t have strong beliefs about a “right time” to marry (although they have expectations about young adult milestones to pass before marrying). Each couple and their circumstances are unique, these emerging adults say, and they can make their own best decision. Society shouldn’t push their expectations on them. So, a strong norm about the best age to marry doesn’t exist these days.
But what does the research say? Do studies point to a best time? Although some older research found that early marriages had higher risks for divorce, that increased risk came mostly from those who married before the age of 21. And more recent research sheds new light on this old truism.
Early vs. Late Marriage: Who Has the Stronger Relationship?
A study by Brigham Young University researchers compared those who married “early” (ages 20-24) and those who married “later” (25+) on a wide range of relationship outcomes, using three different datasets with nationally representative samples. They found few significant differences in marital quality between early- and later-marrying couples. When (statistically significant) differences emerged, those differences were usually pretty small. And they tended to favor the early-marrying couples. While early-marrying couples did face a slightly higher risk of divorce, they actually reported somewhat higher levels of relationship happiness and sexual satisfaction.
The researchers speculated that couples marrying earlier today do so because they really want to, not because they have to, or are expected to. The norms of previous generations about marrying early (especially if there is a pregnancy) are pretty weak now. Those who marry early now are freely making choices about what they think is best for them. So, maybe it shouldn’t surprise us that early-marrying couples are doing just as well as those who choose to marry later.
The Real Factors That Matter More Than Age
The researchers suggest that there are much more important factors than age for Jack and Jill to consider when thinking about marriage. (Although they note that teen marriages still face a high risk of divorce.) The quality of Jack and Jill’s relationship, the relationship skills they have developed, their commitment to each other and the institution of marriage, their alignment on key values, their mental health, and many other factors play a much bigger role in creating a strong foundation for a successful marriage. Think about – and work on – those things. Age is just a number.
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Alan J. Hawkins, an emeritus professor of family life at Brigham Young University and the current manager of the Utah Marriage Commission, is the primary author of this blog.