Has Your Marriage Gone a Little Stale? It’s Normal. Here Are Some Tips to Freshen Your Relationship 

Growing up, my parents constantly reminded me that a good marriage is not one you find, but one you make. We may face moments in our marital lives that cause us to reflect and ask ourselves, “Am I happy with my romantic relationship?” Maybe you’ve thought about this question at anniversaries, on Valentine’s Day, or those days when you’re just feeling lonely. If you can’t confidently say yes right now, perhaps it is comforting to know that you are not alone. In this blog, I’ll share four main ways you can make a better marriage.  

But first, a little perspective. Feelings of dissatisfaction within marriage are normal. Like a journey, marriage is rewarding but long and not easy. The journey may look different for everyone, but all will experience ups and downs, breathtaking vistas along with uninspiring landscapes, and times of wonderful oneness and periods of confusing conflicts. Couples develop and change as they go through the ups and downs of life together, both as individuals and as a couple. No long-term relationship remains unchanged.  

Over time, distinguishing between changes that are natural and those that are not is important. According to this solid review study, how old you are and how long you’ve been together are both factors that influence your feelings of relationship satisfaction. On average, satisfaction decreases from age 20 to 40, then increases until age 65. Midlife, with all its demands, can suppress those feelings of satisfaction. But relationship length might be a better way to look at how things change over time. In general, relationship satisfaction drops across the first 10 years of marriage, then rebounds over the next decade. (These usually are not dramatic declines; they tend to be pretty modest.) Satisfaction generally declines a little over the next two decades, but stabilizes in the sunset years. So, yes, you might find yourself happier with your spouse at certain points in your life than others.  

 Don’t let this discourage you. There are things we can do individually and as couples to moderate these natural ebbs and flows of satisfaction. To counterbalance the often unrealistically high expectations that come with young romantic love, we need to accept that relationship satisfaction changes and focus on how to move forward during these times. As you work to make a good marriage, here are three tips to freshen your relationship and increase marital satisfaction.

Build a Strong Belief in Lifelong Marriage

First, a firm belief in marriage as a life-long journey alone boosts marital happiness. Low aspirations tend to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Embrace your commitment to each other and to your marriage.

Try Something New

One way for people to improve their relationship is to engage in new and exciting activities with their partner. Instead of watching TV every night, try a new hobby, go for a walk, or simply explore the world together. These experiences are exciting and stimulating. They arouse emotions such as interest or passion that allow couples to grow. This can keep the relationship from becoming dull, stale, and repetitive. 

Viewing Spouse Photos

Here’s a really simple one. One study suggests that a boost in love and marital contentment is brought simply by viewing spouse photos. Feelings of infatuation and attachment increased after viewing spouse pictures. Looking at spouse photos is a quick fix that can help stabilize marriages where the major issue is the waning of romantic sentiments with time.  

The Utah Marriage Commission website has a great set of Podcasts and other resources to help you work on your relationship. 

Jamie Shepherd is the primary author of this blog.