Getting Remarried? Three Essential Virtues for a Successful Second Marriage
So, you’re getting married… again? Congratulations! I can imagine the excitement (and also the nervousness) you might be feeling. Will this marriage stick? Am I falling into the same unhealthy patterns? Am I making the right choice? What can I do to make this marriage work? These questions and more may be swirling in your head as you prepare for your remarriage.
There is a load of information on remarriage out there that may do little to decrease your worries. And all the advice that good-intending people may have for you can feel daunting. It may even lead you to want to throw your hands up all together and just do the best you can with the knowledge you have! I don’t want to bring more frustration, confusion, or worry to your already stressful life as you prepare for your remarriage. So, in this post, I’ll just provide you with a few research-backed tidbits that other remarried couples have found helpful. Three
Virtues to Build a Strong Foundation for Your Remarriage
A Brigham Young University study is currently tracking the experiences of newlywed couples over the first decade of their marriage. In the study, the majority of spouses in remarriage relationships reported three virtues that they said were most helpful for their relationship:
1. Complimenting on a regular basis.2. Basing the relationship on a deep sense of teamwork.
3. Communicating with each other.
That’s it? Yep. Obviously, there is going to be nuance in every relationship; each of these virtues is going to look different for each couple. But keeping these things in mind can go a long way for setting your partnership up for success.
Why Complimenting Each Other Strengthens Your Bond
First, complimenting each other helps you to see the good and overlook things that may be more annoying than endearing. When we focus on the positive, we tend to see more of it. Choosing to look for the good in your partner and frequently expressing appreciation actually encourages their positive behavior, which makes them more likely to do it again in the future. It’s a positive cycle that that benefits everyone!
Teamwork in Marriage: Building a Partnership That Lasts
The second virtue of basing your relationship on teamwork is going to be vital as you both work to combine your lives and your histories together. Your understandings of how things should work will most likely be different. But if you integrate the theme of teamwork into your marriage, those differences can become complementary. Face problems together, and seek to understand each other’s point of view rather than determine who is “right” or “wrong.” Be creative in how you meld your finances, work schedules, family rituals, and everything else together. And remember, you’re on the same team!
Communication in Remarriage: How Talking Can Build Trust
The third virtue of talking together may seem obvious. It was likely a piece of advice you got for your first marriage, too. And while, yes, communication is key for any relationship, it is especially important for yours. There may be more complexities to navigate together in remarriage, so talking them out is going to be really beneficial for you and your partner. Taking the time to talk about both the hard and the seemingly small everyday things builds up your relationship and shows your partner that you care about them and what is important to them. Even if that thing might feel small and mundane.
Embracing Hope: Making Your Remarriage Thrive
Remarrying is a profound expression of hope! Yes, it can be scary and intimidating, but you can do it! As you compliment each other, work as a team, and talk-talk-talk to each other, the rest will come together in time. There is no one-size-fits-all in figuring out remarriages—or any relationship, for that matter! However, by following even just a few basic principles and being willing to continuously work at your relationship you’ll have the tools to make it last.
Here’s another blog full of resources to help you address the specific needs and challenges you may experience in a remarriage. You got this!
Sidney Higgins was the primary author of this blog.