The Secret Power of Every Husband 

Attention husbands! Would you like to know a secret that will improve sex for you and your wife? And what if I told you that this secret is supported by research? Interested? Great! 

First, a quick crash course on sexuality. Your sex life is like a puzzle. There is no one-size-fits-all fix-all for improving your sex life. Instead, like a puzzle, great sex is made up of lots of different individual pieces that fit together to create an inspiring picture. I’ll share with you one crucial corner piece of the sexuality puzzle that will probably improve sexual satisfaction for your wife, and as a happy consequence, for you too. The secret lies with understanding how your wife's body image affects her sex life. But not her own thoughts about her body – how she thinks you feel about her body.  

That might be a complex idea so let's break it down. First and foremost, it’s very important that your wife has a positive body image. That will be the foundation. I mean that is why it is called self-esteem and not other-esteem, right? Then, second, hopefully you notice your wife's rockin’ bod. But maybe you do not express it enough, or only say it when you’re trying to get her in the mood. Fellas: your wife is truly your one and only. So, let her know in lots of different ways that she is all you need.  

And last – and most important – does your wife believe you when you tell her she is beautiful and excites you? Or do your compliments fall on deaf ears? How would she respond if someone asked her what you thought about her body? This idea is the most important because it will have the greatest positive impact on sexual satisfaction for your wife.

Why is this so effective? Women can receive a lot of negative feedback on their bodies. This is most often provided by popular culture that creates unnecessary insecurities when real women think they cannot achieve unrealistic beauty ideals. You can play a huge role in fighting these toxic beauty standards. Media messages might be telling your wife that she is not desirable, but you can overpower the noise. As a husband, you have greater authority than anything a magazine or a digital ad says. You play a crucial role in determining your wife's body image. 

So, how can you use this power to do the most good? You might interject here that you try your best to shower your lady with praise. So, what if despite your efforts, your wife struggles to believe you? First, it might be helpful to step back and examine if your compliments are genuine. No one enjoys receiving a forced or half-hearted compliment. You do not need to be Shakespeare or a poet, but you can be specific and frequent in your compliments. “Wow, you look hot in that outfit!” “I can’t believe how lucky I am to be married to someone as gorgeous as you!”  

Also, consider trust. Do you talk the talk, but stumble to walk the walk? If you tell your wife she is a beautiful lady, do you treat her as such? There is more than one way to make sure your compliments are supported by your actions. It will be no benefit to anyone to give compliments solely to improve your chance of sex tonight. You need to be motivated for nobler reasons. So, work on keeping your relationship strong. For women, the foundation for good sex is a healthy relationship, which I wrote about in another blog. And you’ve probably heard this one before: sex starts in the kitchen. Increase the quality of your relationship by listening to her, serving her, being her dependable, equal partner. 

So, if you are a husband reading this, let your wife know how beautiful you think she is! And then treat her like she’s the prize she is. This will have huge payouts in – and out – of the bedroom.  

Aralia Ward is the primary author of this fact sheet.