Tips for Effective Commmunication

Effective communication in a marriage can be the bridge between partners that brings connection, love, and understanding - but miscommunication or lack of communication altogether can create distance in relationships that may feel impossible to combat. Communication is

undoubtedly a highly emphasized aspect of a healthy marriage and, according to this article, more than half of failed relationships are because there was a severe lack of communication between couples.  

 With this statistic in mind, here are some communication strategies to help build a strong bridge of communication within your marriage.   

  Practice Active Listening - Don’t Always Seek to Solve or Fix  

  We have probably all been in a situation where we choose to divulge sensitive or vulnerable information to somebody, only to feel disregarded or invalidated. Speaking with someone who tries to understand your concern, empathize with you, and offer only solicited advice often provides grounding and a path forward. Sometimes, all people need is to feel heard. This is especially important when a partner is wanting to communicate relational concerns. Trying to listen first, without defending or immediately attempting to solve the issue, can be the most validating response.  Talking without active listening and validation can be highly discouraging, so being the person who really seeks to understand why somebody is sharing something with them will become an effective communicator. This blog post suggests asking your partner what they are looking for, validation, or advice.  

Make it a Goal to Learn Your Partner's Communication Style  

 Before you go in swinging with a possibly contentious or sensitive subject with your spouse, it may be beneficial to understand how they would want to receive this information. Establishing expectations and “rules” for communication in your marriage can help both parties feel calm and open when communicating. According to the National Council on Family Relations,  an important practice to implement in marriage communication is called transaction management. Transaction management is the ability of marriage partners to control their communication rather than letting their communication control them. In other words, good practice with your partner might look like discovering how you both communicate best and planning so each partner has a chance to share what they need to.  Following these steps can truly help develop more effective communication and greater emotional intimacy with your partner.  

Make an effort to Clearly State What You Need… Kindly  

 The weight of carrying information you want to share, but do not have the courage to share can feel so heavy. Imagine if you had confidence that you could communicate what you are feeling, what you need, or what you want to happen without fear of judgment or backlash from your partner. This can exist… but establishing this expectation should be a fair agreement where both partners commit to honesty and openness in all conversations. Yet, vulnerability, even with your partner, can be difficult to manage at first.  The best way to combat this discomfort is to choose to practice unconditional kindness. Kindness has astonishing, transforming effects and if this is the focus of all effective communication, it will provide you and your partner with a consistent and safe space for communication. Dr. Jessica Higgins, a relationship coach, shares in a podcast that kindness is the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a marriage. Kindness invokes strong positive emotions and choosing to be kind to your spouse regardless of the communicative distress that may exist can be the key that unlocks a stronger marriage connection.    

Becoming an effective communicator, like most things that we desire to attain, takes time and effort. Being self-aware and noticing what your partner needs to make them feel safe and heard in communication might be the best place to start. Although these tips shared are not a comprehensive list to ensure perfect communication, they may help on the journey to becoming an empathetic and purposeful communicator.