Community and Connection for Military Families
“Now if you listen closely
I’ll tell you what I know
Storm clouds are gathering
The wind is gonna blow
The race of man is suffering
And I can hear the moan,
’Cause nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.” -Maya Angelou, Excerpt from “Alone”
This is the second blog in a 3-part series focusing on military couples in honor of Veteran’s Day this year.
It’s true for military spouses—we can’t make it out here alone. The path we walk is a path less travelled; we don’t often hear about military married life on mainstream talk shows, social media, and podcasts. So where do we find support and encouragement? From each other!
The military has put an increasing amount of effort and resources into creating community for servicemen and women and their families, yet somehow, many military couples still feel isolated from each other. The solution is straightforward: We should explore and participate in available programs designed to unite and connect us.
In this blog—the second in our 3-part series for the StrongerMarriage blog—I will be discussing the importance of maintaining a robust support system and ways to create community with other military spouses and couples.
A convincing amount of research on military couples has been done to support the claim that military spouses fare better when they have an adequate support system in their reach. One research team found that higher levels of social support predicted lower levels of stress for military spouses during deployment cycles. Another research team found that being involved with church communities helped spouses cope with the difficulties of military life. For distressed spouses, one researcher found that military support groups proved very helpful.
These findings echo what we as military spouses already know: military life can be lonely. It feels nice to have supportive people around to help us or lend a listening ear. I have learned this from personal experience. Please pardon a personal anecdote here: In October 2016, I was a mom of three active kids, pregnant with my fourth, and had just said goodbye to my husband who was off to Fort Lenardwood for training. To say that I was overwhelmed is a massive understatement. (I still look back at that time and shudder.) So, when I received a phone call in early November from an Army Family Advocate to check in on our family, I was beyond grateful. It meant so much to me that someone cared about the struggles I was facing. I was relieved to talk to someone who understood the gravity of missing a military spouse and who offered encouragement and support. That’s the power of connection and that’s why we need more of it in the military community.
By this point, I hope I have convinced you to strengthen your military support community. So, where should you start? Below are a few ideas.
- Participate in SFRG Events
Do you know what that is? There is a good chance you don’t. I didn’t until I was seven years into military life! It stands for Soldier and Family Readiness Group. Its sole purpose is to “[help] build strong families and bridge the gap between families and units.” The organization seeks to connect spouses to each other and to the military unit (to receive news and learn of upcoming events). As a SFRG Group Leader for my husband’s company in the Utah National Guard, this resource is near and dear to my heart. Based on my own experience, the SFRGs potential for creating military communities is largely untapped. If you have not participated in SFRG events or initiatives, I highly encourage you to do so! Your next military BFF is waiting!
- Attend Military Family Events
A few weeks ago, my family and I attended a Family Day event with my husband’s company. We played games, ate delicious food, and visited with one another. I loved meeting soldiers and their families. Events like this one help facilitate connections and build community among soldiers and their families. Another example in the Utah National Guard is the annual dinner for military spouses—I’m sure other states do something similar. While at the dinner, I met several military wives and a few military husbands. I even met a spouse who lives in my little town; I had no idea that we lived so close to each other! Now she and I have another military friend nearby.
- Live On Military Installations, When Possible
Unfortunately, I have never had the opportunity to live on a military base, but I’ve heard great things from friends and acquaintances about living in military base neighborhoods full of military families. Neighbors can quickly become friends over shared experiences and difficulties. Military couples and families can enjoy community pools, fitness facilities, and schools which naturally draw people together. What a great opportunity to make connections so close to home—literally in your backyard!
Building connections with other military couples and families requires us to get outside ourselves. This might be difficult for some but is so worth the effort. Feeling understood, supported and connected in the military community can help make this challenging lifestyle more bearable and even fun!
This blog was written by Krista Alletto, an Army wife, mother of four, and social sciences enthusiast. She graduated from Brigham Young University in 2010 with a bachelor’s degree in Family Studies & Human Development and a minor in Sociology.