Clinging to the Good: How to Make Your Marriage Last

Have you ever had something so good and wished it could last forever – but it vanished from your eyes before you could blink?   

Maybe it was the last, yummy, homemade chocolate chip cookie that you baked. Or it may be that One Republic concert you went to last month. Maybe it was the day you graduated from college, making that walk across the stage and achieving one of your biggest dreams.  

No matter what it is for you, we can all relate to that feeling. We wish we could do something to keep these amazing experiences from ending.   

While we’re talking about wanting to hold on to amazing experiences, a strong marriage would be near the top of the list for most people. But, as we all know, a marriage doesn’t come with a lifetime guarantee. In fact, the U.S. has been on the leaderboard for quite a while when it comes to divorce rates, even though the rate has been declining for several decades. But, like the cookies and the concerts, should couples be resigned to the fact that their experience of a happy marriage will likely come to end? 

The answer is a resounding no! Researchers have looked into what couples can do to make their marriages more stable and secure, and they’ve found some important clues. Let’s take a look.  

Two of the biggest (related) factors that predict stable marriages are education levels and income. When both men and women get more education, their chances of getting divorced decrease significantly. In fact, one study showed that by age 46, almost half of men with less than a high school diploma will have had a divorce at some point. However, that number is cut in half for men with a bachelor’s degree (or more) It turns out that investing in an education is also an investment in marital success. And higher incomes are also associated with less risk for divorce.  

But this doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of other things couples can do to give their marriage a better chance for long-term success. Research states that instead of there being one magic trick for making marriages last, there are lots of seemingly small but important actions couples can take to make a difference. Some of these include developing certain skills or attributes, such as learning better ways to resolve conflict, maintaining high levels of good communication, and developing more patience. Other studies emphasize tips that might seem more logistical or practical in nature. These include having some kind of agreement on religion, both spouses feeling like household chores are divided fairly, and making greater efforts to spend quality time together.  

Of course, this isn’t an exhaustive list of everything you may need to do in your marriage to give it what it needs to work. But it does highlight some things that have proven to be the difference between couples who have lasted and couples who haven’t.   

These “protective factors” of marriage may not come as a surprise to you. You might even feel underwhelmed by the research findings because the suggestions feel like they’re just common sense. Perhaps that’s the point. Perhaps the point is to emphasize that often, a successful marriage is a result of small efforts made over and over to do what’s best for your partner and your relationship.   

So, if you want to cling to your marriage and make it go the distance, try some of these things. Spend some more time together. Be a little more patient. Find healthier ways to resolve disputes. See if the research doesn’t prove to be true for you. Oh, and consider finishing that college degree that will help you get that better job.   

You may not see immediate changes, but you might begin to feel a little more optimistic about whether you can make this experience never end.   

Nathan Bastian was the primary author of this blog.  

Related Resources:
https://extension.usu.edu/strongermarriage/courses/breaking-unhealthy-relationship-patterns/#/